Couch 155: The International Operator

Right, all the appeal of a unicorn, but unicorns are SO overdone!

Where's my Narwhal Frapp?

I read that as narwahl flap....

That's what the onesie has in the back...

Well there ya go then haha

I wanna go back in time to yesterday afternoon and be in t's office instead of at work....

Thanks for asking, QM.

Session was a significant one, I think. The barriers are coming down, even though there were a couple of moments where I realised that I wasn't actually breathing.

R referenced an image, which hangs above my desk - 'I almost want to replace the notepad with a speech bubble. As you were talking, that caught my attention - I thought it was quite appropriate.'

We've primed the box...in two weeks, I think we will finally open it. I can't stand the moments when I am fighting so hard to hold it together, in the only place where I have every right to fall apart.

Hmmm. Maybe I should email Info again--I have a psychology test to take tonight or tomorrow morning and I could use a review of the limbic system and emotions like she sent during the last crisis.

Hi couchies. Was looking forward to seeing t today but she is sick. Oh well, what a bummer.

I just remembered I had a dream last night about the professor I had a big messy thing with several years ago. He moved across the country over the summer with his wife, also a student at the time, whom he started seeing immediately after I freaked out and left.

The dream was that I ran into him outside a bathroom in a concert hall. He was telling me he still thinks about me and hoped I was doing ok. Then he told me I should move to Europe, but before doing so I should really invest in some real estate, and that Montreal was a good market to look into

God damn it.

Art, did your reiki dress up as my old prof for Halloween or....??

Well, if you move to Montreal, I can tell you a therapist NOT to see there...

Over the years I sometimes tell myself that if I'd just shut up and did what he wanted, I'd be married, have a nice house and food and money, and could travel with him on tour all the time and not worry about anything.

But that's not how it works.

t's baby was born today!!! He sent me a pic!!! Happy for him =]

I see t tomorrow! Yippee!!! 28 days of break is almost done!!!

T just texted me "thanks for the artwork on the TP roll" with a little angel-halo emoji.(I cornered the toilet paper like hotels do when I was there yesterday, I always do that to people but don't say anything to see what they say haha)

In the local news today: wild turkeys chasing a police cruiser down the street



I just realized that I do something weird that probably no one else does. When I get back from grocery shopping, I immediately have to remove all the PLU stickers from the fruits and vegetables. To like, welcome them into my home or something, I guess.

I just told someone at work what happened and now I'm feeling vulnerable. Only two people at work know in detail what happened. A third person saw it on the news but I've never spoken to her about it.

I was feeling stressed out about the work going on at my house and she saw me in the break room and asked if I was okay. I don't know why, but I told her that there had been a fire and I was in a hotel for a month and was stressed about the repairs getting finished on time. She asked if my husband got out okay and for some reason I just blurted out that he was in jail and started crying. We found a room and I told her the whole story, including that he was abusive and that I had a restraining order against him, but now I'm wishing I hadn't done any of that. Why did I have to air all my dirty laundry? What is wrong with me?

NP, there's nothing wrong with you. You're hurting & you're carrying around the burden of knowing what happened at your home, what happened with your H and what he did to you.
There's nothing wrong with airing this things - I think it's necessary. In fact, I think it was very brave of you to talk.

I hope this person will be prove worthy of your trust & be supportive towards you. You deserve it.

NP remember that you haven't done anything wrong, and what happened wasn't your fault. It's fine for you to share with others if you want to.

I second this.

I'm afraid to tell people that he was abusive. I'm afraid they'll be like "well at least he didn't beat you". Or just not understand. Or say something hurtful. Or silently judge me. Or something I haven't even dreamt of yet. It feels like it's all my fault because I stayed so long and put up with it.

Oh (((NP)))

I know it feels like it's all your fault, but it's not. Feeling like it's all your fault is part of the damage.

Omg! I just did some work in Bridgewater a couple of months ago and its a good thing i didnt run onto that flock! They are going to have to do something soon as everyone is complaining although im not exactly sure what they can do.... just realized Thanksgiving is coming, lol

((Complete))

It's something you needed to do. Was your coworker supportive?

Nothing is wrong with you. None of this is your fault... you're doing what you need to do to get through this and it's good to talk about it if it helps you.

The at-work thing, I empathise. Many years ago I was in a difficult relationship with an alcoholic, very stressful, and one day at work it was a bad day and a coworker came over to my desk and said hey how you doing or something and he was one of those sweet people who always showed they cared about you and just seeing his face that day I burst into tears and he was like let's go in the break room and talk so we did. Bless his heart he thought he did something wrong but I told him no your caring face just did me in because I needed that so bad and telling him the whole story helped me a lot.

Long way of saying I get how it can all just fall out of your mouth when you aren't expecting it. Safe hugs to you.