Couch 155: The International Operator

So my sister and my niece are moving in with me today. It will be interesting. I love babies, but I haven't lived with one since my sister was a baby, and I've never babysat one. My niece is 6 weeks old... so there'll be a lot noise in the house now. But I want to be there for my sister. I was abandoned by my whole family when I was 18. I don't want her to be abandoned or stuck in a bad situation. Just sucks for her. She just had a baby, is suffering from postpartum depression, and now her boyfriend is being an *****.

Five classes is a lot to handle, but I think I have been doing better than initially expected this semester.

I go to bed around 2 o'clock or so and the dogs wake me up around 6 if I'm not already awake at five. Sometimes we sleep in till seven or we get up for a couple hours and then I go back to bed at seven But even if the dogs didn't wake me up, I would wake up about five- be awake for a couple of hours -and then go back to sleep

Pocket riders please...... the "unengaged" conductor emailed this morning wanting to "have a chat." I'm supposed to call him at 12:15. My hands are shaking.

I'm just telling myself he's not out to get me, maybe he wants to help me be a better musician, integrate better with the orchestra, understand what's going on.

I may have missed something...
But I'll pocket ride anyway!

Squeezing in with a minute to spare. Good luck!

He isn't picking up.

This is agonizing.

That wouldn't be that unusual a night for me. I just get up whenever my body decides it's time. If I need a nap later, I just take one. I've found the older I get, the more common it is for me to get up on my own quite early; I just don't need as much sleep during the night as I used to. Rather than fight it, I just accept that it's just my sleep pattern.

If it's earlier than that, I might read for a bit and see if that will cause me to get drowsy -- it usually works. Sometimes I'll go into the living room and turn on something really boring on the t.v. like a news station and just lay there for a bit; often that will lull me back to sleep.

Still nothing. Wtf stupid game is this? I called two minutes late because it took a moment to pull up the email and copy and paste the phone number over, could he be enough of a jerk to fault me for that???!

Looks like T is on vacation. Not sure. I don't remember if she told me when "she's unavailable to reach via the hospital, eg on training or on holiday" like she promised she would. I know that if she's on vacation now, she didn't tell me she'd be going on vacation

I hope not. He'd be a...crap orifice if so

MC in 45 minutes. Where I get to bring up how I felt judged by him for taking our daughter to restaurant/bars and taprooms last week. Which I already tried to address with him in an e-mail (ended up being a few back and forth), but his responses didn't make me feel any better. Because he said he wasn't judging me as a person, but then talked about how we all make mistakes. Which implies to me that he *is* judging certain behaviors, if he's referring to them as "mistakes." All I really wanted was "I'm sorry if it felt that way--it wasn't my intention." Hoping today's session isn't just going to be him being defensive and stuff...

At least if it goes poorly, I'm doing something fun later tonight (seeing a band I really like). Though it's funny--it occurs to me that last time I saw this band, a couple years ago, I was *also* upset with him about something (I associated one of their songs with him and, uh, ended up crying while they performed it).

He called eventually. We talked about the engagement thing. He wants people to move around "like Yo-yo Ma" to get bigger audiences. He wants me to "play dangerously." That my engagement is "confidence-based while it should be joy-based." Ok.

His delivery always makes me grit my teeth. But I thanked him for his invitation to refresh my playing and challenge myself.

At least it means he hasn't given up on me. I owe that concertmaster a drink.

Eta I can't stand watching Yo-yo play.

It actually shouldn't be TOO much noise (unless the baby is colicky) for right now. Toddlers are chaos on two feet though

I now realize what you mean, but my first thought was that he'd be a bad orifice...

me too!!

Glad you were able to talk to him, but...seriously? He wants you to move around a bunch and exude joy? Seems like a stylistic thing, not an engagement thing at all...

i just ate 4 hot dogs. help.

I have my work cut out for me with the whole suicidal depression thing that set in last month. But whatever, fake it til you make it?

There are many glasses of water in your future

-___________________-

Perhaps Nadja Salerno-Sonnenberg - get some grimaces going.

or like this

I was sitting on the sofa when my mother took the call, and held her and provided tissues as she cried. I'm ashamed to say that my first thought was not for our friend, or her grieving family...but 'How the hell is it that easy?'

I'm either made of stone, or scared of the depth of my emotions. Every time I think I might cry in session, I pull myself together, sharpish.

Or Maxim Vengerov-- had to leave his career a few years ago due to a chronic neck injury and none of us were shocked.