Couch 155: The International Operator

I worked things out with my therapist today. I think.

I'm considered a victim of the arson because I was in the house at the time. As a victim, you have the right to be consulted if a plea bargain is on the table. That's the only way that I factor in. I'm just feeling sorry for myself and I'm in a bad, negative place right now.

The five counts were to the house, me as a victim, the three neighbors who were in the other half of our duplex as victims.

If I could possibly fall in love any more with Info......

Umm....I'd have surely enquired about the following (among many other questions I'd have) --
1. Can it only be a man? No gender-bending (wood nymph would be ideal but even any regular old woman)?

2. Along the same lines, can it only be a "little" man? What does that say about her attitude towards........I dunno..........men?

But, seriously, she listened to you crib about therapy without getting defensive? That is really saying something from whatever I've seen of therapists.

She also endeared herself by saying something like “therapy is only kind of research-based, the success is almost all anecdotal evidence.”

If the topic of the little spirit man inside comes up again, I shall endeavor to remember to ask questions.

Random question --

I can't deal with pets (any pets, including tiny poodles) -- I am petrified of them (no idea why -- current T attempts to be validating while clearly showing that she thinks it's yet another sign of my batshit craziness).

My neighbor -- seemingly (never spoken to her) lovely old Prius-driving (decorated with every-liberal-cause-you-can-possibly-think-of bumper sticker) lady -- has two dogs (I have no idea what breed they are [despite current T's attempts to help me figure that out] but they seem medium-size-ish and white / spotted?) that bark the crap out of me whenever they see me.

That by itself would be somewhat okay but the bloody things also show up on my back porch at random times (neighbor tries her best to get them back when she hears them barking blue murder at me), not to mention peeing right below my porch.

End result I can't hang out on my porch without worrying that one or both of them will show up and I dunno, eat me alive or something.

I'd also just love it if they could hate me in silence? Like feel free to glower at me but not bark or something?

I have no frickin' clue on how to make them stop (btw, they also seem to randomly bark at other people but the times I've noticed them doing the most [or maybe that's when I'm around] is when they see me).

Any suggestions?

I've considered, I dunno, throwing bones or something from a very safe distance before beating a hasty retreat back into my house.

The whole thing is also six kinds of weird because current T at first told me (before I told her that they hated me) that dogs are good judges of character. My former neighbors' dogs seemed to love me (or so I was told).

Current neighbor's dogs obviously hate me.

I guess I have a mixed love-hate character / personality / relationship with dogs?

Current T though is rather perturbed it seems about what it says about me that these dogs hate me so much.

Any ideas to just get them to stop barking at me? I seriously couldn't care less what they thought of me as long as we could maintain a very very very large and safe distance between us and I wasn't subjected to massively loud barking every time I saw them.

Gah.

P.S. Sorry, I don't mean to offend any dog / pet lovers but this is seriously annoying me (my rant is really my annoyance -- they're just being dogs, I know).

I believe dogs are like us and their responses are moulded by past experiences. The dog we have now hates anyone wearing a hat as the guy who abused him before wore a hat. Also I thinks its to do with the socialisation of the dogs as well. These dogs aren't judging you.

i kind of like info....though she most definitely is batty. well maybe "like" is a strong word because she has said some things to you that i don't think have been helpful at all?
overall, how would you rate her effectiveness in helping you feel less suicidal/self-harm reduction/whatever else it is you think you want to make better?
yay! what happened?

I have zero suggestions, I am sorry. But current T is way off the mark that dogs are a good judge of character.

Does this neighbor live in your building? Can the landlady help?

Because, seriously, she should not be letting her dogs run around loose harassing people, whether she lives in your building or one building over.

Or, you might speak with the woman, and see if her personal mores agree with her bumper stickers?

I spent a good part of my earlier life afraid of dogs (there are lots of not well-behaved strays in Greece). Now I ignore them and don’t even let on I’m nervous. Current t, per usual, has no idea what she’s talking about.

She hasn’t said anything damaging or even that tone-deaf. Our biggest conflict was she likes to use the word “story” in relation to traumatic events (“the story you tell yourself”), which to me implies fiction or a self-created narrative...when what I’m telling her us very real.

I would not, however, describe her as actively helpful. Her stuffed bear is often more helpful than she is.

These are townhomes -- so, she's right next door.

Landlady (doesn't live here), I fear, will just look at me like I'm nuts if I bring it up.

Yeah, I think she just lets them out at times to pee or something on a really long leash (long enough that if I kept my porch door open, they could walk right in and be quite okay) and then somehow gets concerned when they well, take advantage of the long leash.

No, I checked, she has a bunch of SPCA etc bumper stickers -- so, I'm pretty sure that between the dogs and me, there'd be no contest at all on which side will win.

I shall though let current T know that she's off her noodle....and, per usual at that!

Yep, I grew up being terrified of a whole lot of strays -- mostly rabid -- who'd kinda follow you around, foaming at the mouth.

That would annoy me too, the story thing. Maybe that is just one of her weird things she just says but doesn't actually mean that you are fabricating it or making it seem worse in your head than the actual reality of it. I hope.

Now that I think about it, I am not sure my T is very actively helpful either. I am not sure how I would define that, though. Hmmmm.

This story business would bug the crap out of me.

I'd find it incredibly invalidating.

And, the arsehole that I am, I would then immediately question the genuineness of her empathy, such as it is.

If it really bugs you, I’d make a police complaint. She is bound to be in violation of some local ordinance. A leash that lets an animal reach someone else’s property and home defeats the point of a leash.

On stories, I got her to use the word narrative (you know, mythos vs. logos). Though today there was a disagreement over whether she should have said “you feel hurt by therapists” (her) vs. “you’ve been hurt by therapists” (me). (This is where the Chinese room came in.)

I am an animal lover and a big advocate for all species, but what your neighbor is allowing is just not okay. If you don't feel comfortable talking to her directly, could you leave a note for her that you have a fear of animals, and her dogs in particular when they bark at you, and is there some way she could keep her dogs from coming onto your porch? You could even leave the note with a couple of treat filled Kongs, although it can be tricky knowing if there are food restrictions. Kongs keep dogs occupied as they try to get the food out of the ball or bone-shaped device.

Just to add (about the neighbor dog situation): I have had to work out issues with neighbors, and I've always had the best luck with a personal note and/or friendly conversation, making it clear that I want us to be good neighbors. It kills me every time to have to do it, and sometimes has taken me months to work up to it, but it's generally turned out well.

atat / rr -- thank you so much. This really helps -- I've been thinking that my expectations are out of whack.

atat -- no, I can't do the police complaint. But, glad to know the leash situation is weird -- I thought so too but my experience with pets is non-existent and so, wasn't sure.

rr -- thanks again for validating that it's not normal. Yeah, leaving a personal note is definitely do-able and I'll do it with the treats even! You're right that it's painful but yeah, I'd rather do it than not.

Thanks a LOT everyone! Clearly, this has been stressing me out more than I thought it did.

I had my first visual migraine today. What a weird experience! My doctor sent me straight to the ophthalmologist to be sure it was just a migraine and not a detached retina or stroke -- given those options, I'll take the migraine. It was a bit freaky. Initially reminded me of when a bright camera bulb goes off, but the bright white light didn't go away. Then it was like lightning streaks, and eventually a bright halo around my vision. Very odd. Fortunately just a migraine -- just have never had them before -- thank you menopause. One more gift from you. LOL! I'll just add that to the hot flashes, night sweats, and heart palpitations.

Holy carp lola, how scary!

It kind of was because just this past week I was on a heart monitor for 3 days because of these darned heart palpitations (which I am convinced are just another joy of menopause for me).I think it was the combination of that and the vision thing that alarmed my doctor. But it's just a migraine and considering the alternatives, I can live with that. I think the vision thing would have been weird but not quite as alarming if it wasn't right on top of the other issue. My guess is they won't find a thing wrong with my heart which is good. Cardiologist said the other cause might be reflux or something like that, but we'll see what they decide. It's been my month of medical crap. I finally gave in and had another colonoscopy end of September with the usual polyps, etc. Then this palpitation garbage started and now the migraines. I tell you -- it's going to end up all being tied to decline in hormones. LOL.

(((Awk))) i used to throw teeny tiny dog biscuits to the pit bull who lived next door to my mom when i lived with her. When he caught them in the air, i would go, "and the crowd goes wild!" and make cheering noises. Maybe ask the neighbor lady if you can do that. This dog was VERY aware of his property line. I wonder why those dogs think they own the area below your porch. That is NOT their territory.

(((Lola))) Lord knows you have good genes! And if He forgot, your mom can remind him maybe you need to retire early? Or just slow down a little?

Yay, T called me! I have the first appointment of the day at 830am on 2nd November

Yay!!! I'm so glad for you! *hugs*

*hugs*! That's so much closer than 1st Dec. She said we'll see if anything opens up between 2nd Nov and 1st Dec too