![]() |
FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
#1
|
||||
|
||||
So I asked T today what she was protecting me from? She replied, well from life. I think had caught her of guard asking the question after our email session friday where she said the times were not flexible and boundaries were there to keep me safe and protected.
I said do you mean if you were to allow me a different time or to extend the time then you may feel resentful and that may overlap into our relationship?? She said no, its just these are my code of ethics and how I work, Its so you know where you are and feel safe within those limits and to protect you from any misuse of power in the therapy setting. I guess it could so easily slip into something not quite beneficial for the process. Anyways, I can't argue with her ethics because I know my life is improving greatly. I told her that I did "get" what she was saying, and actually made me see just how a T could take the slippery road to abuse and misuse.
__________________
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach |
#2
|
||||
|
||||
Mouse, I hadn't even thought of that as being an ethics issue, but, yeah, she is maintaining clear boundaries for you, isn't she? I'm impressed that you are able to recognize that, and to see the benefits in your treatment and your life.
__________________
“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg ![]() |
#3
|
||||
|
||||
When we grow up in families without boundaries, we do not learn how to establish boundaries between ourselves and others or ourselves and the world. This lack of a sense of boundaries makes us vulnerable. By the same token, it can make following rules and honoring boundaries difficult for us. So, it would make sense that T has to establish firm boundaries or else some harm could inadvertently occur to either participant in the relationship. I've just been reflecting on this boundary topic myself. Thanks for the posting.
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
__________________
![]() [/url] |
#4
|
||||
|
||||
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sister said: When we grow up in families without boundaries, we do not learn how to establish boundaries between ourselves and others or ourselves and the world. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> That's interesting to me, sister. I don't really equate the lack of boundaries in my childhood (mother stomping all over my feelings, never being allowed to speak up, parents beating me, etc.) to the boundary of a therapist holding firm to a set time for the session. They do not seem similar at all to me. My T is often running late and it does not bother me at all. If I compare that to my childhood, I had a mother who was obsessed with everything in its place and never being a minute late, in fact, being 10 minutes early to everything or it was a major life disaster, etc. It feels good to me that my T is kind of an easygoing guy, just like me, and I don't think that impinges at all on my learning to set boundaries. Mouse, now that you've written more, I can see how your T sticking so firmly to the time has therapeutic value for you. When I initially read your post about how you were unable to get to your appointment on time, and your T would not let you have the following session, even though it was open, I thought, "Wow, how harsh! Why not?" But now I can see it has helped you to some important insights. It is really interesting that she used the word "protected." I think the frame can be pretty important to the T. I remember once not to long ago that I opened my session by telling T that the frame was feeling kind of shaky to me. Wow, did that perk up his ears. ![]()
__________________
"Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." |
#5
|
||||
|
||||
Sister, yes I agree, especially about not being able to establish boundaries between me and the world..
Sunrise, Mmm, I don't see how setting boundaries equates to being or not being laid back. I'm not attacking T as a person, I was challenging her boundarys.. I've never felt T to be uptight, infact her inner calm helps me immensly, but she doesn't fall over herself to "prove" shes laid back??.. I think being laid back equates more to being able to be firm and not to feel afraid of that?? its who they are not what they do that shines through, don't you agree? Though I often wish she would just kick of her shoes and share the pipe LOL, thats not why I;m there..and I have friends in my life to do that with..I have tasted more relaxed therapy before this T and I had to call it quits as we weren't getting very far other than she shared her poetry with me and I was more worried about how amused I could keep her each session as she told me many times she really enjoys our friday mornings..I thought taht wonderful at first, until the fear inside got louder and louder that maybe one day she won't enjoy our friday mornings. Thats when I realised I needed someone that was clear in who they were and what we were doing..
__________________
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach |
#6
|
||||
|
||||
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
That's interesting to me, sister. I don't really equate the lack of boundaries in my childhood (mother stomping all over my feelings, never being allowed to speak up, parents beating me, etc.) to the boundary of a therapist holding firm to a set time for the session </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Hey Sunny, Well, the time boundary may not be something that's important in your therapy. (it seems like your T is pretty loose about time). Since all of our therapies are as unique as we are, the boundaries that your T establishes will be different from mine or Mouse's. The important thing here is that there are some boundaries that we expect our T's to hold fast to whether or not we realize it. (And that T expects us to honor). It helps us to feel secure in the relationship, in the same way that a young child would feel secure when her mother responds to a digression in a calm but consistent fashion. ![]() ![]()
__________________
![]() [/url] |
#7
|
||||
|
||||
whoops, Mouse, I didn't mean to suggest at all that your T is uptight! And no, I didn't think you were attacking her at all. So sorry for that misunderstanding.
sister, also I didn't mean to suggest that all of our therapies are the same or that we all have the same boundaries. I just think it's interesting to share how therapies can be different, and I don't want every T to be the same! Guess I seem to have put my foot in my mouth with that post. Sorry folks.
__________________
"Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." |
#8
|
||||
|
||||
From: http://www.escp.org/glossary.html
Frame, ideal The set of universally and unconsciously validated ground rules. This includes a set fee, frequency, time and length of sessions; total privacy and confidentiality; the relative anonymity of the therapist; the absence of physical contact between patient and therapist; and the use of neutral interventions based on trigger decoding patients' material. See also: frame, secured. Frame, modified A set of ground rules for psychotherapy or counseling in which one or more of the ideal, unconsciously validated ground rules is either not invoked or is altered. The use of a modified ground rule obtains non-validating, encoded, unconscious responses. This type of frame evokes predatory death anxieties in patients and predator death anxieties in the therapist who has altered the frame and who is thereby seducing and harming the patient-however inadvertently and unconsciously. Frame, secured The ideal, soundly holding set of ground rules that universally are supported and validated by patients' responsive encoded or unconscious narrative imagery. There is, then, a universally and unconsciously confirmed and unconsciously sought set of rules and boundaries that promote trust and emotional healing. These frames also, however, activate notable existential death anxieties that often cause an unconscious dread of the optimal conditions for a psychotherapy of counseling experience. Frame, therapeutic The ground rules and setting of a therapy as they create the context for the ongoing therapeutic exchanges and experience.
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
#9
|
|||
|
|||
how does changing a time equate to a boundary issue? No offense or anything, but that doesn't make sense to me. i mean, if you kept changing times with little notice or being demanding about what time was "yours," well, that i could see. But i do not understand it otherwise. Can someone explain that to me? i change times with my T, we both do.. and sometimes he cancels sessions but he always gives me notice, same here. Is there something about what you said that i am missing?
|
#10
|
||||
|
||||
Hey Perna,
Good information. Sunny, No offense taken. I was just trying to explain how a therapist's boundary, whether time or something else, could be more comforting than a parent whose boundaries were blurred and inconsistent. The consistency of the therapist's boundaries are comforting to the child within. ![]() ![]()
__________________
![]() [/url] |
#11
|
||||
|
||||
Yes, I love consistency (and constancy :-) and watching my grandchildren, 3 and 2 this weekend, I can see how they do too. Was very interesting watching them and their father and trying to remember how it "was". My husband was obviously a good father as my stepson sure is one!
I found the links interesting relative to Mouse's "ethics" which I think I had explained to me as being the therapeutic frame so I went looking for "frame." The boundaries keep us safe/therapeutic I think.
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
#12
|
||||
|
||||
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sister said: The consistency of the therapist's boundaries are comforting to the child within. ![]() </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Maybe the following is an example from my therapy of such consistency. Whenever I first walk into T's office, he opens up his fridge and hands me a bottle of water. I love how he knows that is what I want and gives it to me without asking. That consistency is indeed very comforting. It makes me feel like he knows me and what I need. I guess it is part of our frame.
__________________
"Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." |
#13
|
|||
|
|||
And I am always so afraid of overstepping the boundaries.
One time I begged him to make up some phone boundaries. He said, "OK-- Ummmm, don't leave a message after 10 PM." And we both laughed knowing it was ridiculous. I agree-- boundaries and consistency are comforting-- but I tend to overdo the boundaries to the point where it holds me back from expressing a lot of things. I guess I don't completely trust him and his boundaries to keep me safe so I have to make up a whole layer of my own. |
#14
|
||||
|
||||
Sister, You know I'd not put 2 and 2 together regarding boundaries and protecting us from the world around until your post yesterday. I understood the need for personal boundaries, but one of my biggest problems has been a feeling of being caught up in every aspect of life. Like when I can hear neighbours next door, I'd start going into anxiety mode feeling like I had been invaded by outside forces, no resistence to external simuli....but today at work there was some drama going on and everyone in the canteen was beavering away with it all and I felt like this invisible force field around me that enabled me to just separate myself, or as T puts it "gives me a feeling of edges"..yes before everything was just one big blob...now I am getting a feeling of where I end and"others" begin and it takes the anxietys away...the world use to be very frightning because I felt I had no well to go, now I have an outline...I guess until one experiences that feeling we just don't know? I am very happy to have my edges and sense of personal space emotionally....
__________________
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach |
#15
|
||||
|
||||
To tell you the truth Mouse, I had not thought of it either. I was just beginning to think about boundaries when I read your post and then my thoughts started to come together. There were no boundaries in my home growing up, and until now I never really felt the significance of that. The incredible insecurity when dealing with others and self.
I love the "big blob" analogy--yeah I can feel that--me and everything else in the world just spilling into one another. I still experience the world as frightening as I have yet to feel my edges as you are beginning to. I think I'm on my way though. As a result of not having the edges I am always "on edge," as if protecting myself from the impending invasion of the blob! LOL sounds like a horror movie... peace ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
__________________
![]() [/url] |
#16
|
||||
|
||||
LOL! "The return of the blob" Or "Blobs" ? LOL!
__________________
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach |
Reply |
|
![]() |
||||
Thread | Forum | |||
Ethics of Therapists who Are Mentally Ill | Psychotherapy | |||
Therapy is so complicated--rules, boundaries, ethics, ARGHHH! | Psychotherapy |