Closing your eyes with therapist/counselor

This is just a curious question and I️ think it’s coming from my other thread about being afraid of the dark.

I️ can’t really explain why.

It could be a poll but I️ don’t know how to do that.

So.

Do you feel safe in closing your eyes with the person who is working with you in therapy?

When I️ first started meeting with my counselor, he would ask me to close my eyes and picture something and I️ immediately felt panic.

I️ did it, but it didn’t work for me. I️ was trying to visualize what he was asking and at the same time trying to handle the panic. Was feeling of not being able to see. It was triggering my fear of the dark.

That was many years ago and I️ have grown a great trust with him. I️ can now close my eyes and feel safe and a peace with him there with me.

There are not many people that I️ feel that with. It’s probably half of one hand. Just saying.

It feels very safe but I️ wonder if I️ will feel that with the people who are supposed to be trustworthy to me.

Do you grow into that?

Do you courage yourself into that?

How do you it if it relies on safety and trust that is not there?

This seems like a stupid question but I’m not going to take it away.

Thank you for hearing me.

Yes I feel totally safe closing my eyes in front of my therapist I do it all the time when we do EMDR. I actually prefer to have my eyes closed. What I have a hard time doing is looking him in the eyes. I rarely ever look him in the eyes usually because what I'm saying is filled with shame and I have to look away. Or I'm dissociating and I have to look away. One of my parts though she always stares him in the eyes whenever she's talking but I rarely ever do. Sometimes what I'm saying something really difficult I haven't closed my eyes then makes it easier I don't want him to see me.

T and I had a driving phobia hypnosis session. Laying on my back on the couch made me feel more vulnerable than having my eyes closed. But I can see how this could be disconcerting

T once asked me if I wanted to close my eyes and I said no. He asked why and I said it wouldn't feel safe. I'm not even sure I'd trust he was still there.
It is a bit of a goal for me to try it but I'm not there yet.

Never in a month of Sundays.

I've never closed my eyes with my T. I don't know if I'd feel comfortable doing that. Maybe if she closed her eyes too?

When I was in group therapy, we always started out with meditation. In the beginning, I could close my eyes. But after a few weeks of seeing everyone had their eyes closed, and nothing bad happened, I tried closing my eyes. And I was able from then on.

Took time for me. She closes her eyes too. I sometimes peek just to be sure.

I close my eyes too much. I'm working on the opposite, in the hope that it will help me keep the connection between us in session. I find it hard to look at her when I'm talking about the difficulties of the situation.

Absolutely not. Even the thought of that feeds my anxiety.

I don't like to close my eyes around people because I feel too self conscious, like I'm making a weird face xD
With my therapist it never happened. I can recall things or visualize images without closing my eyes so there's no need. Only if I'm thinking really hard I tend to close my eyes for 2 seconds, but I think I'll feel too akward closing my eyes in front of my T because I'll be too self conscious of my face.

I close my eyes while talking at least once every session... it's easier for me to talk without visual distractions. Back during year 1, I'd close my eyes to say things that I couldn't say while seeing her see me. (And that reason right there is why our phone sessions that we did in those 'middle years' while she lived in another state worked so well - because it was so much easier for me to talk over the phone where I couldn't see her seeing me.) She closes her eyes often too, like when I'm reading a dream to her, she'll close her eyes to try to 'see' it. It took some time after she moved back for me to get used to being seen so deeply again! There are times while we are talking about a dream when we will both just sit together with our eyes closed not talking just feeling the dream images. It's interesting.

I would never do such a thing around a therapist. I do not trust those people enough not to be able to see them.

Hi TR,

I'm not sure I understand your question. You have been able to trust to close your eyes after many years with your therapist, but wonder if you can do this with others? Or are you just wanting to know if other people can also close their eyes in therapy? Sorry, I'm just not sure what you're needing and I want to answer the right question. I couldn't close my eyes for the first couple of years or more, but then one day I was so tired and just wanted to rest, so I closed my eyes and my therapist sat with me and it felt really safe. Since then, I can close my eyes no problem. But I don't know if that's what you really want to know? I don't have other people in my life to even know if I could close my eyes around them.

T has asked me to close my eyes before, and I have automatically just done it on my own. Sometimes I need to close my eyes to escape, to access my intuition and innermost thoughts, to recompose myself, get back in my body, etc. It just struck me that the idea of closing my eyes in front of my current t never crossed my mind as being 'safe' or 'unsafe' (it has with past t's). I've just been doing it. And I do feel very safe closing my eyes in front of my t so I reckon I trust her more than perhaps I would like to admit.

As for your questions about how to feel safe closing your eyes in front of others... My thoughts are if you feel safe and trust someone enough, and, you have a need to close your eyes in front of them, you just take the leap of faith and do it. Remember, you are the one in control so you can always open your eyes in any given millisecond if you start to feel unsafe. If there is no feeling of safety and trust with someone, simply don't do it. Remain aware and do not put yourself in a vulnerable position.

Glad you are feeling peace and safety in closing your eyes in front of t.

Not sure I'd like it if I was asked to do that and would probably refuse. I wouldn't say for me it's a trust issue though, just would feel vulnerable in a way, and that's not something I'm over comfortable with in life in general.

I have learned to be able to close my eyes. Initially I could not. In EMDR i find it is important for me to close my eyes. For one reason is I don't want to see her facial expressions. I am afraid of what she might be thinking

I close my eyes when I'm feeling vulnerable or sharing things that are hard or I feel are embarrassing. I trust her to handle those feelings, but I don't trust myself to be able to, so I close my eyes.

I close my eyes when I talk about difficult things. Not sure why, but it helps me talk.

Thank you for your replies.

My thread post was one of those that I️ wasn’t 100% myself.

I’m pretty sure it came from my question about being afraid of the dark.

I’ve read the replies several time today and tried to sort out what that part of me was looking for.

Safety, as always, is the main thing.

I️ guess there is this hope that there is a feeling of safety outside of my counselors office.

Example.

I️ love yoga. I️ feel strong when I️ am in a class and feeling centered during the class.

Then. Then the last part of the time comes and I’m supposed to lay on my back. Relax. CLOSE MY EYES and breathe and be at peace.

IM TOTALLY FREAKING OUT!

I️ can’t relax. My feet are twitching. I’m shutting my eyes because that’s what I’m supposed to do.

NOT!

It feels so safe with my counselor to close my eyes now and feel
Ok.

Really ok.

I️ guess my question is, “Will I️ heal enough to be safe and ok outside of that space?”

There seems to be so much weight on this question to me.

Is that a normal thing for someone who has been through what I️ have experienced?

You find ONE place that is safe and freak out because you worry that something is wrong.

You won’t be able to find safety like that because it’s never been there until now.

But.

You want it.

You want to feel safe, in realistic ways, with other people.

This is very real to me and I️ thank you for your replies again.

Any thoughts are welcomed.

Can you start with breathing and being at peace with your eyes open in your yoga class?

I have found yoga class to be a very inclusive space, including respect for individual needs. Which in your case might mean consciously choosing not close your eyes so that yoga continues to be a centering and peaceful activity for you.

Maybe once your mind-body are accustomed to that being a safe part of the routine, you can choose to close your eyes briefly to see how it feels. Or not. It sounds like you are already experiencing yoga class as a safe centering empowering space, so preserving and expanding that feeling might be more important than whether or not you actually close your eyes.

Thank you! I️ can do that.

It just makes me angry!

It makes me angry to feel that I️ am, again, having to fight to get past something that other people feel no threat or fear in.

Is that wrong? Is it wrong to be angry because I️ feel odd and dysfunctional?

Those may not be the right words.

On top of that, there is the fear that the one person I️ do feel safe enough to close my eyes with, will one day not be there.

That’s got attachment written all over it.

Is that wrong for now?

More dysfunction.

It gives me courage to read the posts that were shared here.

Hey, Trail.

I don't think it's wrong to have that fear. I can relate to the anger as well...'Why am I like this?' right? For now, though, T is there. It sounds like you trust them, or are making great strides in that direction. I'm impressed from what I'm seeing here. Carry on, my friend.

For what it's worth TrailRunner, you go to a yoga class which feels very unsafe to me personally. So unsafe that the idea of going to one makes me angry. I have very little trauma history compared to many on the forum so I have to conclude that some of this stuff -- what's scary or safe -- is a bit quirky and individual. Perhaps quite a few people find that closing their eyes is helpful for relaxation or visualization, but there's no reason you need to expect that of yourself. It's like how I know yoga classes are really helpful to many, and I know I'm not going to do it, and I just accept that. I hope you can cut yourself some slack too. There may be something else that helps you feel safe with another person-- shared cups of tea, silence on a nature trail, riding in a car together, listening to an audiobook together, any one of a hundred things. Closing one's eyes is not necessarily that important.

Thanks for clarifying TR. Feeling safe in one place (therapy) but not others can highlight the lack of safety in other places where you want to feel it. I totally understand the distress of only having it in therapy where it's going to end—because in my case it will when my therapist retires, which will be before I am ready to end, so there's this pressure and panic and worry that it's an isolated thing and that my life will always have this fear. What to do? I guess appreciate that being able to feel safe in one place means we know what it can feel like, and not to push expectations of feeling that same way elsewhere, just to give it room to happen. I don't actually know, though. I have a similar struggle. Just wanted to let you know you're not the only one.

Hell no. Honestly, it seems way weirder to me that someone would feel comfortable closing their eyes. That's an inherently threatening situation. My T has never asked such a thing.