I want to write former T an update letter? Where should I start?

My T moved away last summer. Before she left I was able to discuss my attachment and grief over the loss I felt. It felt very sudden and I was going through a lot of other stuff at the time. When I asked if she did Instagram, to my surprise she offered to connect on Facebook instead.

I've been following her wall (It's all very ordinary stuff; family and vacation picts) all the while assuming all the while she only did this out of pity for me and would probably never look at mine. Then the other day, for my birthday, she left me a birthday message on my wall. I was over the moon. I know Facebook reminds everyone of birthdays but the message she left was extra sweet and made me feel loved and truly thought of.

I would like to write her a letter and catch her up on where I'm at but for some reason I still feel sheepish about it. I don't know where to start and I don't know how much I want to say - or really if I have anything to say at all. I know if I got started i would write a book, but I need to check myself and see what it is I really want out of this. I guess I feel sheepish because I know I shouldn't expect anything back. She's no longer my therapist.

Of those that kept contact with a good therapist; does anyone have any advice on how to write to them. How to ask them? How do I ask and how do I frame it?

I would start by thinking about how my life is in general while paying special attention to how anything that had been a focus of therapy is going. So for example I spent a lot of time talking about coming out issues in therapy with my previous T, so it was extra special to later share some photos of me with my future wife.

Also, what are you excited about? What makes you happy right now? Therapists love that kind of thing. ...

So sorry your T moved, but it's great she's connected to you on Facebook and she even wished you a happy birthday, that's so nice! Maybe you could start by writing everything you want, then edit it down to a summary, just to see if she responds before writing more? No matter what happens, at least you'll know you made the effort to connect.

Whatever you send, I suggest sleeping on it and thinking about it before sending it!
I bet your therapist would love to hear what is going well in your life, what you've been doing, what makes you happy. You may be tempted to write about what's not going well -- of course you can, if you want, but I wouldn't recommend it because your former T can't fix it, and she may feel guilty reading it or you may feel sad if she doesn't write back.
Were there any things that the two of you talked a lot about? For example what ElectricManatee said about coming out... maybe getting a job? Going to school? Doing something you've been scared of? I don't know. But therapists don't forget those kinds of things and I'm sure she would be happy to hear an update.

Welp.... I sent a message to her to see if it "would be alright" to send herd a letter/email check in. I tired to keep the request simple. Now my anxiety is telling me that I'm being needy or obsessive or whatever.

It's okay to ask. It's okay to ask. It's okay to ask. Right?

Gee.. I can't think of anything that solid that I've changed. The job thing was one thing I was working on when she left and I've stalled out again on that. I did go on one date and am getting better at realizing my own boundaries, I think. I also have made/ reconnected wiht several friends since she left, many of whom I reached out to after she left because of that loss. When the training wheels came off- so to speak- I had to look around for my own resources. I guess I could talk about that. *shrug*

Honestly, now that I've asked I don't even know what I want to write about. I think I just wanted to ask as a way of checking in with myself. *sigh* I don't know ...

I should say that the span between therapy and the future wife pics was like seven years. If I remember correctly, you and this T ended things much more recently. The thing about reaching out to friends is great! Also just hearing where you are and what you're doing would make for a good update. I think it's totally fine to ask, and any T that added you on social media and wished you a happy birthday will likely be thrilled to hear from you.

THANK YOU!!

Digging up this old thread: Ok ... well that's done. It took me two months to get something together. I kept starting and rewriting the whole thing because I didn't know what to include, then new thing kept coming up that I thought she'd like to know. Well — I let all that go and just wrote something. In the meantime I've had a couple of brief exchanges with her via messenger about banal stuff, so I did warn her it might be long — because that's how I am. She said that's fine and "Make it as long as you like,"

I'm watching how I respond to things by overthinking them sooo much and catastrophizing gets worse when I'm "out of touch" with someone I care about. But just the tiniest little exchange with her brings me back to earth again. Like - okay - I'm fine. I'm okay. I'm not crazy.
I was honest with her in the letter about all of that. How much I miss her. I was honest with the sad things in my life as well as the good things. To my surprise she wrote back a brief but definitive acknowledgement of my email that same evening telling she would write more to specifics later but she just wanted me to know she enjoyed my letter.

That's much more if a response than I expected. I feel so lucky to have met this person.