Dear T : I Need To Tell You Something, but Don't Know How(Part XXVIII)

Too close

I wish I could be real about my feelings for you, it kills me inside but there is no point since I will just be rejected anyway.... I'm so frustrated with the situation we have ourselves in

Are you alive? I dreamt you weren't

Goodnight. X

heeeelllllo t. i has made my decision. you'll be hearing from me in a week or so...

T,
Oddly enough I feel okay about yesterday being our last session. I will miss you a lot but I'm finally stable enough to be on my own, I think. Moving will be scary but it's comforting to know that when I move back in August, you'll still be here, and I can see you again if I want.
Love you.
Annie

Nightmares again
Financially ****ed
Falling
Apart

RoboT,

I can't remember what I was searching for on my phone this morning. Whatever it was started with the first letter of your name (which is T, haha). So my phone recommended your website based on past searches. There would have been a point where I would have felt...something. Whether the feeling would have been longing or anger would have depended on the day and my mood. Now? I just acknowledged that you still exist and went back to what I was doing. Which is pretty remarkable, given that it's Saturday.

So I guess this is what moving on feels like. I don't hate you anymore. I don't love you anymore either. You just are. In the 11 months that we worked together, I learned more about myself than I ever thought possible. I didn't always agree with where you led me, and I don't know that I was prepared for where the work took me. I will say, however, that I'm working on my issues now with the diligence and urgency that I haven't been able to before. The work that we did made me realize how messed up I am. I don't mean that in a bad way at all. I just know that for me to lead the life I want, I need to develop some skills I don't currently have.

Frankly? I couldn't have done the work I need to do more with you. So while I moaned at great length about how I wish we could have taken the full journey together, I realize now that your "retirement" was a huge blessing. I don't know that I would have had the strength to leave without a looming deadline. I seemed to ruffle your feathers a little when I talked about my faith, but I believe God brought you into my life at the perfect time, and had you leave it at the perfect time.

I don't know that I'll ever fully understand the nuances or intricacies of the relationship that we developed in our work together, and that's okay. I see it now so differently. It wasn't perfect, but it was good: therapeutic.

I hope you are doing well. I hope the next season of your life brings you great happiness. While anything is possible, I foresee this being the last time I "write" to you.

Farewell,
Daisy

ETA: Part of me actually wants to send this to him (with a few minor adjustments). Someone should talk me out of this.

@daisy: don’t do it

Hi T,
I miss you.
I guess I’m attached to you.
I don’t like that.

Our time together seems too short. I really miss you and I just saw you hours ago.

T, i don't know how to be okay with your break. 28 days is too long. for me. we only have two more sessions before you go and i don't know how to handle those either. i still don't know how to do any of this. even after six years. which is something else that makes me feel irreparably damaged.

I know you're trying, but, somehow, it doesn't feel like enough.

My own
Personal
Jesus

Wow, this resonated with me so deeply! FWIW, there's nothing to be ashamed of in what you wrote--it's honest and touching. I wouldn't see any reason why this couldn't be shared with your "T". In fact, I have the feeling that it would likely be a really, really good thing to do.

-cs

I wish you cared about me more.

Hi T,

You tend to forget that there are days I simply don’t care about all those ‘bad consequences’. I want my favorite coping skill and no ice cubes or painting or boxing or whatever will change that.

i... HATE U

Dear MC,
Thinking we need to spend at least a few minutes tomorrow morning on stuff between you and me. I know we talked for a bit last week, but...I think there are still some issues there. Plus T specifically said to ask you what fading transference is supposed to feel like, because you're more knowledgeable about the subject than him due to the nature of your training vs. his. We've had two sessions in a row that were very clearly marriage-counseling based, so hope it's OK to spend a little time on stuff with me tomorrow..though there's other marriage counseling stuff to discuss, too...
--LT

You are the ocean
And I'm good at drowning

You should be lookin out..

I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready I am ready I am...

Taffy stuck and tongue tied
Stutter shook and uptight
Pull me out from inside
I am ready I am ready I am fine..

I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
Pull me out from inside
I am folded
And unfolded
And unfolding I am
Colorblind

Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready I am fine

Dear T,

Tomorrow I see you. It will be tough. I'm glad you care. But can you just guess what I am going to say? Then we can just skip to discussing it?

Dear T,

Tomorrow I see you. It will be tough. I'm glad you care. But can you just guess what I am going to say? Then we can just skip to discussing it?

Hi R,

I'm feeling like crap physically...for a change. I'm hoping I won't have to cancel our session on Thursday. Three more sleeps....

Looking forward to debriefing with you after the last week...

yeah i think you're an addiction
or what you represent
either way
hmph.