Please don't move this thread to the Sleep Issues forum. It is about not letting a disturbing dream influence the way you trust your pdoc or tea - I am not asking for dream interpretation.

It is easy to get me worrying. I'll think something is perfectly safe, then I either imagine a scenario where it isn't, or I hear some scenario where it isn't, and then I keep thinking in the back of my mind: so it COULD happen.

I dreamed about my pdoc. He started mean and threatening, a whole public show, but in private it turned out he was just manipulating me and he thought it for the best (Denying me my meds - that I'd just started Friday. He'd encased them in a block of 6 kg and if I took it and survived on my own for 6 days (wearing just shoes socks trousers pants bra tshirt) I'd get them back. And oh, he'd taped the information I was goinng to use a week later (in 6 days I'd get back with the box, so the presentation would be the day after) in a presentation at school to the box, so I could prepare.
Managed to plead to bring a garbage bag for cover for the first night, as it was already dark out so I wouldn't be able to find anything, and I wanted to sleep. I'd bring it back in the morning. And then tomorrow try to make or find somethimg in the woods to use as a blanket. That was allowed.
It was very clear that if I didn't do as he told and intended I'd never get my medication again.

I am afraid that this dream will influence me. I trust my pdoc enormously, and when we disagree or does/says something I don't like, I can always view that through trust-coloured glasses, because I know he is trustworthy, extremely non-manipulative, has the best intentions and is a big believer in, and proponent of, autonomy.
I am afraid that this dream will make me doubt his honesty should something happen in the future. I don't want that to happen. Has anyone experienced something similar (doesn't have to involve a dream, any factor might do)? Or does anyone have tips in general?

I've written out the dream in much detail so I can show it to him should there ever be a need.

I've had nightmares about each of my Ts. Mostly involving them verbally or physically abusing me. Them sneering and laughing with contempt at me.

Once I had a dream where T took on my abuser brother as a patient, then told me she believed him and not me, and then she said why 'it's OK" that he beat me and said I deserved the forcible molest at his hands.

I ended up telling T and it restored my trust somewhat to hear her say she would "never say it's OK for me or someone else to be hurt."

Possible trigger:

one of the first dreams I had with my former T in it, he raped me

Interestingly enough, I had the dream the night before my session, so it was very fresh in my mind when I went in to see him. We talked about it, and he assured me that nothing like that would never happen. I was reluctant to talk to him about it at first, but I'm glad I did. It actually helped to strengthen our relationship. The dream was very graphic and vivid, and I was so afraid that he would judge me for it. If he did, he never let on, so that was good. So I'd discuss it.

[toomanycats]

Give yourself a couple of days, and definitely talk to him about it.

I recently had a traumatizing dream about my T.

Possible trigger:

I dreamt he sexually assaulted me in his office and had been planning it all along. It was a very graphic and detailed dream.

I shared the dream with my T, and he was hugely empathetic and understood that it was actually a (temporarily) traumatizing experience for me. Discussing it like that and then just giving it some time really helped.

Wow, I feel less alone about having nightmares of a T raping me. (Not my current T, but my first ever T who was male)

Originally Posted by QuietMind

Wow, I feel less alone about having nightmares of a T raping me. (Not my current T, but my first ever T who was male)

Yeah, according to RoboT it's a pretty common dream when someone is in therapy. When I had my dream, I had just started opening up about some very personal things, and apparently that is just one of the ways that the subconscious processes that vulnerability. We've been hurt, and the dream is the manifestation of the fear that we'll be hurt again due to that vulnerability.

[mostlylurking]

We often dream about the things that we fear the most, the things that could hurt us the most. I think that dreaming that your T would betray you actually indicates that you're forming a good, trusting bond with them, because that's why the betrayal would be so horrific and why you would fear it so much.

I agree that a dream can be traumatizing. As a child I once dreamed that my mother had died, I was not the same for days afterward and I still remember it vividly. The dreams mentioned here sound absolutely awful, I would imagine it would take time to process them and let them fade.

[RaineD]

You should talk to him about your dream. That's the only way I can think of to work through it.

Thank you for your reactions and stories!

Talking about it to him appears to be a good idea, at least in theory. My main problem is is that formally he isn't my therapist, he is my doctor. (At appointments we usually spend most of the time discussing therapy-y issues and only part discussing medication, but still..) If I had had this dream about my T, I'd talk to her about it in a heartbeat. But my pdoc is (at least on paper) treating my medically.. not 'relationally' the way a T (even a CBT T) does.

However I think I will bring it up, just a little differently. I read your reactions (thanks again!!) and I think (as much as I don't believe in dream interpretation, I think this one can be 'interpreted') I dreamt this because of the following: I started new medication on Friday. If it worsened my symptoms (agitation, make me psychotic, dramatic increase of depression and stuff like that) I would have to stop immediately. If I got worse but not enough to warrant an emergency stop, I might have to stop on Wednesday (when I see him again). I think my dream was my brain's way of telling me "You're worried that he'll misinterpret something you did as getting worse, or that you'll coincidentally do something stupid and he'll see that as a result of the new medication and make you quit, whereas it might actually have provided relief if you'd stayed on it for a few more days". And I can talk about that. Say I think I'm worried about that (how silly does that sound? "I think I'm worried?") and ask to agree he'll listen to me and not overreact or something. He will, but I think it will help me if it's spelled out.

Again, thank you very much!!

These past few days I've had a difficult time which was increased by the fact that I was trying very hard not to behave weird or do things I sometimes-but-not-usually do (such as drawing on myself when the SI urges are extremely bad) in fear of the medication having to be stopped.

Pdoc appt today. I started by stating these worries (didn't mention the dream) and he said that that wasn't what I had intended at all. If I had severe-severe-severe side effects (basically meaning: [unbearable] palpitations, psychosis, instant increase in depression - not things like "I had a bad flashback" or "I SIed or used x unusual coping method to deal with the urges, they were that bad": so not things that 'happen occasionally', only the definitely unusual things) I/we might or would have to quit, but not for 'normal abnormal' behaviour.

Thanks again.