[Tbhimscared]

Coming to the end of the year I’d love to hear what the most important/helpful thing your T has taught you or told you.
I haven’t really had a big breakthrough with my T but I think the biggest thing I’ve learned is that my needs deserve to be met and to not accept so much less of others that I do.

[TrailRunner14]

That sounds like an amazing self validating awareness!

For me, I think it’s leaning into what makes me afraid.

Not really in those actual words. I’m seeing his face right now, when I’m talking about something that I don’t understand that has come to me.

He asks me how I feel about that or that part of me and I say that I am curious.

It feels like I could pull out the scariest parts of me and his comment would be, “How/what do you feel about that part?”

I always feels safe in saying I feel curious because I know I’m safe in looking at it with him.

Being curious is the way to understanding. It’s the way to sorting out what is confusing.

Curious.

That’s the most important thing that I’ve learned from my counselor.

It’s the door for answers and freedom.

[stopdog]

The therapist has not taught me anything. The woman was useful to vent over my sick/dead person, but I have never viewed or experienced the therapist as a teacher of anything.

[MRT6211]

The best thing that I’ve learned in therapy this year is that you can’t necessarily control your thoughts or your feelings, but you can always control your behaviors. That may seem simplistic, but I have had a lot of trouble with my behaviors in the past because I felt like I had to do certain behaviors because of how I am feeling, and I felt like those behaviors weren’t optional. But you always have control, even when you don’t feel like you have control.

Also, that DBT isn’t really meant to try to fix your problems, just to get you through the awful moment without engaging in problem behaviors so that you can work through that problem later, at a more appropriate time.

[mostlylurking]

Mine is kind of specific. I was originally in therapy -- though I didn't know it at the start -- because of a lot of being bullied in school over many years in childhood. One day he said "Kids get picked on for all kinds of superficial reasons... they're overweight or have glasses or unusual clothes or hair. It's rarely ever because of a character flaw." He sees a lot of kids so it held more weight I think.

I know it's not terribly useful to most people but it is something I've thought about a lot.

The most meaningful and helpful thing he did though hasn't been in words. He's just quietly sat there and refused to agree with how disgusting I was as a child. That's my impression of the message he's sent me, which has been mostly non-verbal. Translated into words it would say "Yeah, I'm hearing you tell me how awful you were, but I'm not hearing anything that compelling actually."

I don't think T has taught me anything. I've reached part of my subconscious through therapy and T being about to put words to things I couldn't. that has the greatest benefit for me. But being taught. No. It doesn't have the dynamic to it I feel. That sounds to preachy to me.

[WarmFuzzySocks]

To listen and connect to my own inner self and sense of spirituality. To let go of saying, “It sounds corny, but...” when I talk about reconnecting with my inner wisdom and depth of compassion. To trust my voice.

And practical information. She’s given me a lot of information about the impact of abuse and about abuse recovery.

[satsuma]

That I'm not a bad person. That my thoughts and my feelings matter.

Actually through T I think I have discovered that I'm naturally an extrovert but that it has been very suppressed before.

[confused_77]

Originally Posted by MRT6211

The best thing that I’ve learned in therapy this year is that you can’t necessarily control your thoughts or your feelings, but you can always control your behaviors. That may seem simplistic, but I have had a lot of trouble with my behaviors in the past because I felt like I had to do certain behaviors because of how I am feeling, and I felt like those behaviors weren’t optional. But you always have control, even when you don’t feel like you have control.

Also, that DBT isn’t really meant to try to fix your problems, just to get you through the awful moment without engaging in problem behaviors so that you can work through that problem later, at a more appropriate time.

wow, what a good lesson! I'll remember that one!

[winterblues17]

That I'm not a bad person and not everything that goes wrong is always my fault.

[pepper_mint]

1. That there are no good or bad emotions. They are just there and they are mine.
And it's good to feel them all (even if sometimes they could be unpleasant).
To feel is to live.

[Moreover, when I let myself feel more - I feel much better. I have less anxiety, I don't feel exhausted and dizzy all the time, I don't have shortness of breath.]

2. Rational thinking is not all I have. Sometimes I KNOW something, but I can FEEL something different. And it's fine. It's important to get access to what I want to do, not only what I should do (rationally).

That you don't have to do anything with feelings, you can just notice them.

That there's value in making the unconscious, conscious.

That I can trust myself.

That it's ok to be vulnerable (even though I suck at it) and that not everyone wants to hurt me.

[Anastasia~]

He taught me how to accept myself for being me and be to compassionate with myself. He listens to what I say, and what I think is going on within me which makes me feel important. He is consistent in responding to me in an empathic way both in session and by text.

[Tbhimscared]

Originally Posted by mostlylurking

The most meaningful and helpful thing he did though hasn't been in words. He's just quietly sat there and refused to agree with how disgusting I was as a child. That's my impression of the message he's sent me, which has been mostly non-verbal. Translated into words it would say "Yeah, I'm hearing you tell me how awful you were, but I'm not hearing anything that compelling actually."

My T has acted similarly and hasn’t agreed with any negative things I’ve said so I at least have someone I trust who doesn’t believe my what my thoughts are telling me

[toomanycats]

The most important thing I learned from S (exT) this year is that he isn't who I thought he was and, also, that I can survive...even be ok...without him.

The most important thing I learned from J (interim T) and Group T is that I'm not alone and that I matter enough to protect. And, also, I learned what it's like to be protected...and that being protected can be very scary when what you need to be protected from is someone who is hurting you, but you would rather be hurt than lose them.

The most important thing I learned from C is that attachment doesn't have to mean obsession or pain. That there can be comfort and security there instead of agony. And, also, that the goal is not to "not need anyone" or not need him but rather to believe him so that he can actually meet my needs - so that I can take in his meeting my needs.
And, also... that it's going to be ok. That I can survive.

[Anne2.0]

I would say that there has not so much been active teaching, but support and encouragement of things I once was not so keen on but now seek out. Most important of these, being present and mindful of the choices I make in my life (and increased awareness of how things impact me) and being okay in the face of grief and sad/distressing memories of my past. Positive benefits: increased joy and enjoyment, much less anxiety and PTSD stuff, doing more of what I want and saying no more often to what I don't want. My life belongs more to me, not to my past or the negative life events that have more recently occurred. I'm working towards my goals and not just getting through life.

I don't think that the therapists actively taught me anything, but I did take some small, useful lessons from the experiences. The one I like the best is picking up some things from the communication style of my last T. He had the kind of steady, supportive, self-regulated yet relaxed professional style that I liked from start and find it easy to adopt and maintain as it also comes naturally for me when I make the effort. I needed to improve in that area as I have to communicate with a broad variety of people in my professional life and, while I think I was never bad at it, sometimes I tend to get either too distant or too enthusiastic. The little things and consistency I picked up from him can make it more effective. This is also interesting because it's not something I sought to work on via therapy, more like a positive side effect.

[Mike_J]

That my life has value.

[clueda]

That it's ok to be vulnerable and trust my T (and other people).
That I have many resources, capabilities and strengths.

That I am not my feelings. I think it's finally beginning to sink in.

They have helped me with many things, but the most valuable thing my former therapist said to me was, "You have value, you have worth, and one day you will be able to take it in." I have and it has made a world of difference in my life.

[rainbow8]

I've been thinking about this question. What this T has taught me that other T's haven't is to be more comfortable with my body. At first I was self-conscious when T wanted me to close my eyes and breathe with her in my session. Gradually I got used to doing that.

Then my T told me she hugs her clients. I thought "never" because I didn't like hugging anyone. But we have hugged for 7 years now, after each session. I have carried that over to liking to hug others in my real life too.

I thought it was weird when T first asked if that child part wanted to hold her hand. Doing so was one of the best parts of therapy for a long time!

T started asking "where in your body do you feel that?" I cold hardly tolerate hearing the words "your body." We worked on my being able to say anatomy words in my session.

T was very comfortable talking about sex though I wasn't at first.

I really think T has helped me to become much more comfortable with my body.

[unaluna]

Mostly, i think my t has given me the time and space to discover things about myself.

[Anastasia~]

He has helped me learn how to trust myself and has said that he is not going anywhere.