[silenthill]

i know i haven't been on here. but i have been haveing a really hard time, i don't know if i want to see my T any more, i feel i have to be there for her,but how about her being there for me, i'm scared that if i stop seeing her,she wont pay the paymeant on the $ i let her have,am i giveing up on her or me ? i need help with this,can any one help please

[smiley1984]

You feel like you have to be there for her????? Who is the therapist and who is the client in all this??
Am I understanding this correctly - you have leant her money and you are worried that if you terminate then she will never pay the loan back?
I think you know this sounds a bit wrong. I think you should see some other independent person and let them know the full story and ask for advice - either a different therapist or the body that regulates licensing in your area. You don't have to give any names for you to just inquire.

You have gone to therapy because you have problems and are extremely vulnerable - it is very easy for someone to take advantage of this. This makes things extremely hard on you. Remember, you are the MOST important person in your life, you need to look after yourself, not worry about people who aren't even your family or friends. Do what you think is right for you.

[silenthill]

i did give the $ a loan,this wasn't the frist time,she was crying she was going to less her house,if my husband finds out i will be beat up, and what hurts is she knows this
i care so much about her

[silenthill]

i emailed her and told her i wasn't comeing to my appt tomorrow and that i didn't know if i was giveing up on her or me,this is what she emailed back

i hope you can find a way to come so we can work on some of this

i emailed back no

[MissCharlotte]

(((silenthill)))

It sounds like the boundaries are blurred in your relationship with your T. This is not healthy for either of you. It is truly not ethical for a T to borrow money from a client.

I know you care so much for her,but for your own sake I think it would be best to move on to another T.

Would it be possible for you to discuss this with T? Can you ask her to continue paying you the money you loaned (even if you use a different T)?

If your relationship is as close as you say, then maybe she will surprise you and recommend another T who can help you.

You never know until you try!

Best of luck....I hope you can find the courage. I'll be rooting for you!!!

[silenthill]

i'm done with Ts, going to a T becouse of a T , just to wrong,it hurts so much,i feel like doing something to myself,just to show my pain on the out side.and that scares me so bad,becouse i iknow what we do with pain

[sunrise]

I would ask her for my the money I had loaned her, and if she won't give it back, tell her you are going to contact your lawyer. If you can't afford a lawyer, you can usually get free or very low cost legal advice at a university that has a Law School. Good luck.

[Perna]

Can you go to a women's center and work on "if my husband finds out i will be beat up"? I don't know how much you lent your T but I lent a good friend money to save her house and I don't know how you did that without your husband knowing? That must be extremely stressful right there, worrying that your husband will find out. I would find a "practical" sort of caring place and see if I couldn't get me (and my children if you have any) away from that man and then worry about your therapist's unprofessional behavior later. I assume you wrote her a check or have some record of the transaction?

Do NOT give up on yourself, you are all you have and it looks like you are a caring, resourceful woman. Work on the "problem" in a practical way for awhile and see if you can find some piece that will straighten out and make things safe for you physically and emotionally.

[pachyderm]

"i feel like doing something to myself,just to show my pain on the out side.and that scares me so bad,becouse i iknow what we do with pain"

Please don't do anything to yourself. I understand what it feels like to want to do something to show people how much hurt there is, that you don't think anyone will pay attention until you do. But please don't hurt yourself in the process. And don't do anything to anyone else to hurt them, because that would come back to hurt you sometime.

Keep coming and posting here!

[silenthill]

thank you everyone,its helping to write about this. i'm so stressed out, i took cards out in only my name, she owes about 15,000.00, i don't want to give up on her

thanks for listening

[Perna]

Oh, silenthill, I'm so sorry you don't have anyone to share/work on this with. That's how much we lent my friend too but I told my husband and got his help and support with it. I was only working part-time and I went to work full-time because I wanted to help this friend so badly. My friend set up so we were sent a check automatically from her paycheck, etc. She eventually lost the house anyway (she insisted on keeping her children in their private school and couldn't afford that) but she kept paying and changed jobs and kept paying. She even borrowed more for her daughter's wedding. She's doing well now and we're still good friends and we even moved close to where they live so the four of us go out to dinner occasionally, etc.

I still would get someone to talk to about this; a lawyer? or a women's shelter to let them know your fear of your husband's displeasure. You need to solve that for yourself so it isn't an issue with your therapist, muddying the water. Do you work at all?

[silenthill]

i made an appt with another T, i see her tomorrow,this hurts so bad,i will never get close to a Tagain,nor will i let them close to me. can i ask you guys should i tell my T that i'm seeing someone new or should i wait ?

[Perna]

I would talk to the new T about the situation and see if they have any suggestions on how to proceed.

Getting "close" to a T does not mean the T crossing boundaries and accepting your money or being seen crying by clients about her own personal stuff. Your old T is not a very good therapist which may be why she is not making enough money to afford to keep her house.

[silenthill]

thank you so much perna

i didn't go to the new T, i think i did the $ thing becouse i care about her, and i would do it for a friend,perma your story made me see this, for my T she see me with out pay,but she said when we get out of here we can pay her,we see her two times a week,i'm domb