I have heard a lot of you speak about feeling love for your Ts.

How do you know if you love your T?

I am so busy hating him, being ridiculously attached to him, needing him more than oxygen, being jealous, being vulnerable, acting out, wanting to be a child with him, thinking of him in an erotic sense-- how would I uncover love? It doesn't seem as though it could exist in the midst of all that. Or if it does, it does not appear that I could find it.

[jacq10]

I knew that i loved my T - in the same way one can love any other person - when i saw how much she genuinly cared for me. The way she would lean in closer if i was upset, or offer a hug, a kind comment, or just this look she had in her eyes. I also knew because of the amount i trusted her. How i looked forward to hearing from her, seeing her, and just hearing about how she is doing - as a person.

I also never really knew a whole lot about personal relationships like that until around the time i was seeing her, and so she also taught me a lot about love, just by being there with me, and showing me what it's like when one person cares for another.

I don't love her BECAUSE she was my T, I love her because of the person that she is, and the relationship that we built in session, and afterwards when I had to stop seeing her.

She taught me about love, life, and myself, and for that I will never forget her impact in my life.

I also realise that my situation with her was probably very different from other people's relationships with T's. Ours wasn't so much "professional" as it was just one woman helping another. I think it really depends on the situation, and for some people, that level of "love" doesn't necessarily arise because of the circumstances (boundaries set by the T, amount of contact, etc).

Just because you may not "love" your T like others have said, doesn't mean your relationship is any less significant. Take courage and strength in the kind of relationship that you do have with him, and take comfort from the fact that everyone's relationships with their T's are going to vary.

hugs
Jacq

[MissCharlotte]

I know I love him because he answers my phone calls in the one day between sessions. I know I love him because he never laughs at me or loses patience or freaks out no matter what I say. I know I love him because I never skip a session no matter what. I know I love him because my heart skips a beat when I see him. I know I love him because I hate his girlfriend.

[sunrise]

Yes, I love him. I have no doubt. You will know it when you feel it, or allow yourself to feel it. It is my overriding feeling for him and does not get lost in excitement or anger or sharing pain. I trust him with my life. I see my love reflected in his eyes, and I love how that means he must see my love too. I have never said to him, "I love you," but if he asked if I loved him, I would say yes without hesitation. For me, it is not just attachment or transference. And no, I am not jealous of his other clients or his girlfriend. In fact, I feel a great degree of kinship with his other clients, and I think this is one facet of my love for him.

[Flowerb]

Isn't erotic love still love? And I think you dare to be angry with him because the love you feel is too scary. So you get mad instead.

How will you know? I believe love shows itself in the little heart-smiles that thinking about a person brings and in the small aches we feel when we aren't with them. I think love surprises us with its strength, particularly around the strong drive to reconnect and for proximity. Mostly, I think love nudges us to think about what the other person might want, need or like and in therapy, that usually means being real and vulnerable in the midst of this love. The only thing there is to give in therapy is yourself and your honesty.

I am amazed sometimes at how I feel. Because as much as I struggle with the attachment and hate it that it feels like forever between sessions, the fact that I can feel like this is powerful and wonderful.

There are volumes of Poetry and Sonnets trying to capture the essence of love. What is it? How will I know?

I say just be quiet and listen to your heart. It already knows.

[aubade]

I care for her wellbeing (probably more than I should as a client).

I think love is a desire to give/provide, not just to receive - and I want so badly to return the care she gives me.

You know how they say that love multiplies? My T's care is amplifying the love I feel for everyone else around me. I think that's evidence too...

I have absolutely no idea. If you figure it out, please let me know!

[Perna]

For me, "sharing" is love. When I am vulnerable and she is "there" with me, that is love.

Get/rent the old 1968 Yours, Mine and Ours movie with Lucille Ball and Henry Fonda:

http://www.amazon.com/Yours-Mine-Our.../dp/B000056MMM

It explains/shows it well.

[Perna]

Or, here: