Couch 160: The Squeaky Clean Couch!

She has her own cable network. But recent word is shes gonna run for u.s. president.

Last i heard of Oprah was when she came her to tour i think and nearly killed Hugh Jackman and gave away aticket and airfares for her US show, and i think this is the level of intelligence of Oprah watchers the woman sho won turned up to air port without a passport or visa shd had no idea she needed them Oprahs management didnt say
Eta am i being unkind to oprah viewers? I have only watched her maybe a dozen times

She could have just left it at "prescription..." Not sure I could have dealt with ex-T telling me that (even worse...MC or current T saying they were late because they had to pick up *their* prescription for it...)

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Yeah, one time my t started carrying on about some yoga instructor playing music that was not spiritual and how offended she was. I'm all huh????

Walk erect? I think that’s her husband.

No, I think she’s doing what people always do when they think I’m too poker-faced, try to shock me.

The emphasis on needed was particularly striking.

Other than that, it was a pretty good session. Maybe she made a new year’s resolution to be a better therapist.

I am still waiting for this package and i cant go downstairs because the other housemate is there and 2 days ago i was miming something and realised i pointed to my crotch as part of miming the thing i was talking about and now i am embarassed

I recently opened a fb account, thanks woebot, and now there are various places to air my grievances currently it is dentists

I'm lurking the couch and doing adult-y kind of things like writing checks. I have to pay out-of-network for my t now, and when I was writing a check to my kid's piano teacher, I could take piano lessons from this really amazing teacher for less than therapy.

I haven't really been feeling it lately anyway. Maybe I'll take up piano...it might be better for me.

Does anyone on the couch have PTSD? I don't know if T thinks I have the full diagnosis, but he's said in the past that I have some symptoms.

I have so much sleep disturbance lately. I wake up at 3 am most days now. Some nights I can get back to sleep. Some nights I can't. I have these nightmares that aren't specifically fire related, but I'm in danger somehow and at least several nights a week I wake up in a panic where I'm breathing hard and scared. Sometimes I can remember the dream. Sometimes I can't. It's really starting to interfere with my life. For some reason, I'm really reticent to ask T if I have PTSD or not. I know nightmares are a symptom, but do they have to be reliving the actual trauma? I'm just curious if anyone has any experience that might relate to what's going on for me right now and can offer any insight.

ETA: I know there's a PTSD forum, I just wanted to ask here.

I’ve been diagnosed with it, don’t know if I believe the diagnosis. But nightmares were a key factor in that diagnosis, not whether they were trauma-related (they’re not, not directly anyway) but frequency. Apparently more than one nightmare a week, maybe two, is unusual.

Thanks. I'm having nightmares probably 5 nights a week right now. It's tiring after a while. I just want it to stop. I need a good night's sleep.

Sounds like ptsd to me. The psyche doesn't know time, so as far as its concerned, the fire just happened (or in a dream state, still happening). I would be surprised (and concerned) if your therapist does not view your symptoms as ptsd, so definitely ask him what his process is for recovery. Since it happened to you as an adult, and you have support (in terms of therapy), you have a very good chance at resolving this trauma and putting it in its place so that the psyche can let go of the need to keep acting it out in your dreams. It's not a simple process or short, but do find out how your therapist sees you recovering from this. It's complicated because it's more than the fire. It's all the years of verbal and emotional abuse (sorry---I can't recall if you mentioned physical, but emotional and verbal is just as damaging, if not more so).

Thanks for your response. It was mainly emotional and verbal. The physical stuff, with the exception of the one incident of non-consensual sexual stuff, was mostly innocuous (meaning no lasting physical effects), if not a little frightening. But I tend to minimize things, so who knows how serious it actually was.

Ok couch- Trying to figure out what to say to T tomorrow. Having hard time with thinking my thoughts are irrational, and I expect too much of him. So, here is what I want to lay out to t. Let me know what you think please.

First- when I canceled my all my appointments I really meant it, and I still not sure that I really want to come back to therapy. But I felt like I needed to talk about everything. I really need him to know that I was very serious about leaving, and it was not some attention seeking thing.

Second-last session as we were talking about me ending therapy, but having a hard time letting go of my regular once a week appointments. You just kind of decided that ok time to change. You said, ok- lets go to once a month. You got up, went to your computer and changed all of the appointments right then and there. To me, that felt like you were making that decision.. and you have assured me time and time again you will never force me to come any less then what I want to come.

Third- Your lateness.. I know that the last two sessions it was because of your car not starting, but still 45mins is not acceptable. Had you been running on time, in the first place you would have know your damn car wouldn't start and you could of texted me before I ever got to the office that you would be late. at least I could have made different plans, or decided if I wanted to wait that long or not. In general, this has got to get better. I feel like, you being late all the time takes away from me being in control to some extent. We agree to a mutual time of meeting, usually the same time every week. I feel like, when you are constantly late it changes the dynamic of the session. Like, my time is less important than yours. In general I feel like therapy needs to happen on my terms again. which sounds selfish, but my terms aren't unreasonable. They are starting therapy at a reasonable time, and letting me decide if and when I want to decrease my sessions.

Oh yes.. I felt abandoned by you we should probably talk about that too.

What does couch think?

I did not know it was unusual to have nightmares each week. I thought that was usual. I sometimes have periods where I have the same recurring one each night and then I hate to go to sleep because I know it will unpleasant.

I think it is great and very reasonable. How do you think he will take it?

I agree, Healed, it all sounds reasonable, and like you're standing up for yourself...hope it goes well...

Healed - For what it is worth - I think those are all valid points

In general is always very accepting of my feelings, and takes responsibility for his actions. I have no reason to believe this will be different. Though, I am kind of afraid he will point out the noticeable bpd type actions I took.. and wondering if he will label them as such or just call them for what they are a reaction to some pretty crappy appointments as of late.

i agree that they seem 100% reasonable.

))Stopdog((

healed, I like how you identified the main issue here: feeling a loss of control in therapy due to his lateness and over eager appointment canceling, as opposed to feeling empowered. Trying to change that dynamic is not a pathology. It's a goal. (Maybe take him Oprah's speech from the other night. Time's up!) It doesn't even matter what his intentions were. It's about you getting to speak up and change things for the better.

I just got an email from my therapist, hoping that I feel better after today's session. I did feel better, but now I really do. I never want to go through that kind of come apart again, but I am glad for how it has turned out.

Go for it, Healed. I think all of your points are good ones too.