Couch 160: The Squeaky Clean Couch!

unaluna · Jan 12, 2018, 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Was I wrong to post this?

Youre never wrong sweetie. At least people understand you! Me talk pretty someday...

NP_Complete · Jan 12, 2018, 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Dr phil seyz, you cant fix what you dont acknowledge. Early on with my current t, i was actually TELLING him he could yell at me. He just LOOKED at me, and was like, "i dont yell at people, mainly because it doesnt work." Hes a big unconditional positive regard guy. All talk but no action though! Remember, hes the one who SAID he wanted to get me a birthday present, and that is somehow supposed to do the job of a birthday present from 60 years ago. You just have to accept its all magic!

and do you really want to start doing some old guys laundry?? It was okay when they were like 20, and you grew old with them, but to just start up a romance with some old smelly guy? Maybe this needs its own thread...

I fail to see how this relates to what I said.

ruh roh · Jan 12, 2018, 06:03 PM

Maybe an unaterpreter can step in? I don't get it either, but some ideas are buried too deep inside the unaverse for me to grasp.

For now, I would just take what's useful and focus on what's working for you right now. Do you have a plan for the weekend to do something nice for yourself?

Jan 12, 2018, 06:14 PM

Had to take kitty cat to the vet today because she has been scratching herself so much that she had bald patches and is very sore round her head and neck. Vet ruled out fleas (I had treated her) and said it's probably some random allergy. He said the skin reaction is pretty bad and gave her a steroid injection and steroid cream. We had recently given her a different brand of wet food. I wondered if it's that. I guess we will see when the steroids wear off if it returns. If not, it might be the brand of food we stopped giving her.

StressedMess · Jan 12, 2018, 06:50 PM

NP I'm 5+ years out of my last abusive relationship, my last relationship ever as far as I'm concerned. I'm not speaking for you when I say this, please respond as you see fit. I had 3 strikes so I'm out. I'm not sure there's a guy out there who would have me that I would have. That doesn't make sense but it did in my head. I'm setting all these strict guidelines for a relationship, things I've never paid attention to in the past, and I wonder if any of the people who would want to be involved with me would meet those guidelines. There, that makes more sense. Anyway, you might feel totally comfortable being single for the rest of your life, or you might be open to the possibility of dating in the future. You don't have to decide today.

You are not unlovable and when you have some time to heal I hope you find self-love. I'm impressed by your strength and I wish you the best.

Elio · Jan 12, 2018, 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

If things are improved enough for us to be able to go out on Monday, you can bet that my mother will want to get out. Due to her back issues, she has been housebound/back garden bound since last Wednesday.

Full description of my experience follows, behind a TW - medical matters, deception, cybercrime (?)

Possible trigger:

Back in 2006, I came to know a woman in Argentina via a fan forum dedicated to the former Beatle George Harrison. We communicated for a while through the forum, during which time I discovered that Chris was undergoing treatment for breast cancer.
We began to talk via MSN Messenger most nights, about life, the universe and everything. George Harrison's music and Indian spirituality were a large part of our conversations. Chris' strong spiritual beliefs helped her deal with her illness, and the roads she had to travel as a result.
During the time we were talking, Chris became close to a woman called Cathy Anne (from Nashville, Tennessee) who was a member of the same community, and dealing with a brain tumour. In September 2006, Cathy Anne died, and her son Jonathan joined our group, using his mother's account for the first two weeks, before registering his own.
Two months later, he announced to our community that he was battling colon cancer. Chris' illness went into remission around this time, and remained so until January 2007, when Jonathan messaged me via the forum to let me know that Chris had become unwell again.
Jonathan arranged a prayer vigil with the local Hare Krishna group, as Chris was a practising Hindu. Two weeks later, I had what was to be my final conversation with her.
Chris passed away in April 2007, and Jonathan succumbed to his illness in June of that year. As before, Jonathan’s partner posted on the forum, using his account for a couple of weeks before registering her own.
Jonathan’s partner Kim became very close to me, and was a great source of support after Chris’ passing. In September 2008, Kim developed an eating disorder which controlled the next three years of her life.
Every time Kim was hospitalised due to that, I would receive lengthy emails from family members detailing extraordinary measures that had to be taken in order to save her life.
This continued until January 2011, when I received a message from Kim’s mother informing me that she had passed away. I maintained contact for a further two years, and Kim’s mother offered to send some photographs.
I declined, because I wasn’t sure how I would be able to handle receiving them.
Late on Christmas Day 2013, I checked my emails to receive eight messages full of pictures and videos of Kim...or so I thought.
When I clicked through onto the YouTube videos, the names in the descriptions didn’t match up.
So, I Googled the photos, and discovered that they could all be found on other websites which were nothing to do with the person I was supposedly in contact with. To this day, I can’t find any evidence to suggest that any of the three died, or that Cathy Anne, Kim or Jonathan ever existed.

The flashbacks usually happen at night, just as I am going to sleep, but with it being a significant date, I am concerned that I will have more to deal with during daylight hours.

Thank you for sharing your story. What a confusing and awful series of events.

NP_Complete · Jan 12, 2018, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StressedMess

NP I'm 5+ years out of my last abusive relationship, my last relationship ever as far as I'm concerned. I'm not speaking for you when I say this, please respond as you see fit. I had 3 strikes so I'm out. I'm not sure there's a guy out there who would have me that I would have. That doesn't make sense but it did in my head. I'm setting all these strict guidelines for a relationship, things I've never paid attention to in the past, and I wonder if any of the people who would want to be involved with me would meet those guidelines. There, that makes more sense. Anyway, you might feel totally comfortable being single for the rest of your life, or you might be open to the possibility of dating in the future. You don't have to decide today.

You are not unlovable and when you have some time to heal I hope you find self-love. I'm impressed by your strength and I wish you the best.

I want very much to have another relationship some day. One where I feel genuinely loved and can love back. But I'm not physically attractive so I don't know how I'm supposed to find a partner. And if I did find one, how could he ever respect me after what I put up with for so many years. I feel unlovable and hopeless.

atisketatasket · Jan 12, 2018, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

I want very much to have another relationship some day. One where I feel genuinely loved and can love back. But I'm not physically attractive so I don't know how I'm supposed to find a partner. And if I did find one, how could he ever respect me after what I put up with for so many years. I feel unlovable and hopeless.

NP, physical attraction isn’t the key to finding a partner. (And I wonder if your husband put that idea into your head?) And there are plenty of men who don’t see surviving an abusive relationship as something to be ashamed of, but something to be impressed by and proud of you for. Someone I had a more casual relationship with last spring felt that way, quite vehemently.

Jan 12, 2018, 07:30 PM

Ahh Demunie Mala is so cute too.

StressedMess · Jan 12, 2018, 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

I want very much to have another relationship some day. One where I feel genuinely loved and can love back. But I'm not physically attractive so I don't know how I'm supposed to find a partner. And if I did find one, how could he ever respect me after what I put up with for so many years. I feel unlovable and hopeless.

(((NP))) I had similar thoughts. It's difficult! I keep typing and deleting because I can't string words together to make sense. I think your idea of your appearance has been influenced by your husband and I hope someday those blinders come off.

awkwardlyyours · Jan 12, 2018, 09:00 PM

I'll add that (as someone who's gay) I often find myself looking at strictly below-average (looks-wise and often little else that explains the attraction either) dudes with rather awesome women and wondering what the heck happened.

So, I wonder how much of this is also just the crap society feeds women.

(Of course, whenever I come across these situations, I find myself telepathically messaging the woman saying "Drop that moron and date me me me me me".)

atisketatasket · Jan 12, 2018, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by awkwardlyyours

I'll add that (as someone who's gay) I often find myself looking at strictly below-average (looks-wise and often little else that explains the attraction either) dudes with rather awesome women and wondering what the heck happened.

I usually assume the guy is good in bed. That’s probably sexist somehow.

awkwardlyyours · Jan 12, 2018, 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I usually assume the guy is good in bed. That’s probably sexist somehow.

I'd think so too but then I wonder if there isn't a baseline of some sort that needs to be met to even get to bed and potentially collect evidence?

ruh roh · Jan 12, 2018, 09:39 PM

I assume that they have a job. Maybe healthcare. The bar is very low these days from what I hear.

eta: And a place to live. The cost of housing where I live is driving people to the streets.

StressedMess · Jan 12, 2018, 09:48 PM

I'm curious about the hot chicks with the meh dudes too! I once worked with a girl who only dated average looking guys proudly proclaiming she had to be the hottest one in the relationship. I'm not sure how that worked out for her?

I've never ever been with a hot guy. Always thought I was not good looking enough to attract one. It was an item on my bucket list at one time! (After this long dry spell someone with a pulse might be my only priority.)

velcro003 · Jan 12, 2018, 10:15 PM

i think i have a reached a level of loneliness where i feel like i am disappearing when i am not at work.

NP_Complete · Jan 12, 2018, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

i think i have a reached a level of loneliness where i feel like i am disappearing when i am not at work.

I guess my loneliness is self-imposed at this point, but it still sucks. I'm sorry you feel lonely.

velcro003 · Jan 12, 2018, 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

I guess my loneliness is self-imposed at this point, but it still sucks. I'm sorry you feel lonely.

mine is most definitely self-imposed.

NP_Complete · Jan 12, 2018, 10:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

mine is most definitely self-imposed.

Feel free to PM me if you want. Or vent on the board. God knows I've done plenty of venting here lately.

velcro003 · Jan 12, 2018, 10:34 PM

nah. my life is quite boring and non-eventful.

Jan 12, 2018, 10:41 PM

Another 58 hour work week in the books. Whew. Long, hot bubble baths every night get me through them! One more week of it to go. Then I think the overtime will be over for awhile...