Couch 160: The Squeaky Clean Couch!

"Do it my way or leave. But don't leave."

Hi ce hows the job hunt going? There was a company over hiring programmers, but i forgot to tell you.they are in next big town up from me. Thats right they wanted C# programmers

I think i have made a mistake. They kittens are getting bigger and my 2 bedroom cottage is already looking too small.

Kitten pics?

The shittiest month on record, now January feels like a game of snakes and ladders. I felt like I was getting somewhere, I felt like I would finally be able to breathe come Thursday.

so my manager comes over and says a VP wants to see how our email team works so she's going to sit with you for a bit. At least I got an hour's notice. She was VERY intimidating. I was so nervous. I hope I did ok.

I thought "a chance to show what I got" at first but then when I met her that went out the window... I was so intimidated by her presence I kept mistyping and feel like I stumbled over every other word. I tried to just be myself but... Ugh.

Ok first one

Second one

Such pretty eyes on the black one! Both adorable--thanks for sharing!

Third one

He is the thinker, i am so glad he does not have opposable thumbs! He has already worked out how to open the louvre windows.

I've calmed down, but that was mainly because of my brother getting back to me. My moods at the moment are rapid and I honestly feel okay just tired. When I'm most emotional it's very hard for me to even think clearly. We've never done phone calls before and the other time I've asked if we could talk for just 5 mins it was a no. I can understand why he's trying to maintain boundaries- but I feel like I need more support in between sessions. The of course bit- just said he's at home now. And people like me are infamous for stretching boundaries.

Working with Borderline Personality Disorder | Austen Riggs Center

You did the best you could have.

You will get through this.

((((LT))))

They just want to see why youre outperforming everyone else after only being on the job for like ten minutes. Do you know your stats? You mentioned them once, i thought you thought they were pretty good. that or she wanted to see your new haircut close up! So cute!!

That is wild & unforeseen . I am going to read In session now to get the whole scoop. Is it bc she had an epiphany how important this is to you or bc the reality of losing a client due to being inflexible hit her? Good for you! but yes the 2 year old part has a point; it is hard not to lose a little respect if she took it like an ultimatum and caved. Hopefully not. Hopefully she hadn't reckoned with how much things mean to you.

Omg ive got the sliding glass door open, getting some fresh air in here. There is even sunshine! They dont SHOW another polar vortex in the forecast. So many ladies my ageish "wandered" outside and froze to death. Idk.

It sounds like the inverse of KC. She lost her temper, then regretted it. Maybe she got defensive? It sounds like you do still have it if she was not telling you not to come in? I also dont think they are really allowed to do that? Maybe? I think you would have a claim for abandonment if she ended like that, seems unethical or at least poor form. So sorry for how stressful this must be. The ambiguity would drive me crazy- Esme

The t is supposed to hold the line against resistance, but i think sometimes its not resistance, its that we are being retraumatized by what they are doing. Its hard for us to articulate, so its hard for them to distinguish. There is doubt on both sides.

It sounds like the t finally realized the new way wasnt working.

I gave up caffeine this morning. Or at least I’m trying to. I think the withdrawal headache has just started.

He emailed you! I really do think he is there and does care. It is impossible to say if someone else already took that appointment before you asked etc. I think it is kind of charming in a therapist way( if that is even possible) that he says OF COURSE he cant speak to you know bc he wears a cloak of invisibility between sessions, BUT he gives you contact anyway- that he can tell you are sad, that he noticed the upset, and he is ready to talk. I know it isnt as good as getting the spot, but I do see him budging for you a bit. Do you?

Could you maybe cut back more gradually? I know caffeine withdrawal can be pretty brutal...

I completely agree. Sometimes they tell us and themselves that we are resistant or giving "push back", but truly we are suffering anguish when they are having a work day, and it is all happening in the same office.

I love the kitten pics- made my day.