Couch 161: The Hexagonal Pyramidal Couch

Whilst shopping this morning i was talking to a young couple who were telling me the benefits of eating porridge. I asked why they were buying the flavoured satchels of oats. They dont like the taste of porridge! I ****ing lovethe taste of porridge, a bit of salt is all it needs not all this berry ****.

Hugs. I hope the doubt eases. Some people find parts work helpful whether they have alters or not. *hugs*

I do and I see my young child part as a boy sometimes or a girl...maybe there's 2 young child parts

Hugs,CE. Depression is hard.

How did your session go? I don't think your email is in any way pathetic. It's natural to not want to be called a hurtful name, especially as your husband regularly belittled you using it.

We made it through about 1/3 of the session before he brought up the emails. There were two. The first was me saying I didn't want to tell him about suicidal thoughts anymore. I feel like I've exposed my inner hurt too much to him lately. He said it's like going to a heart doctor and not telling them all the symptoms. I don't know that we came to any agreement here.

The second was the name-calling one. He said again that he would never do such a thing. I told him I know he wouldn't but I'm still afraid that he would in the future. I told him I realize that makes no sense, but he said it does. I have this huge fear that everyone sees me the way my H did. He said that he doesn't see me that way. I wish I could get past this irrational fear that everyone sees me the way my husband did. But I can't at this point.

(((NP)))

I hope he proves trustworthy and steady regarding the suicidal thoughts. You're experiencing post traumatic stress, please continue to tell T how much you struggle.

You need and deserve lots and support and care, even though you or others might berate you. You've been through SO much terror.

About the second email, I understand a little. I've a similar although different fear (that T will eventually find me disgusting and say so, or shoot me looks of revulsion). It's hard to heal from the fear that everyone sees us with contempt. Especially since someone significant to you spent ages chipping away at your self worth. For me it was my family...them telling me I'm disgusting. Emotional abuse from your husband has left you deep scars, and so it's so natural that you internalised his voice for survival. So you'd behave in ways that kept you somewhat safe from his wrath. Even though abusers tend to escalate in being controlling, they train us so well to be hyperviligant, to internalise their voice and words and actions and looks. That way they're controlling us even when no longer with us. Such a trauma bond is not easy to break, so please don't blame yourself for "irrational fears".

Look at T, look at us on the couch though we be internet strangers. No one here believes you're the slurs your husband called you. I know it's so hard to believe since the emotional abuse came from him and went on for so long.

Give it time. It will come. Slowly, I'm afraid (I'm still dealing with the same problem), but it will come.

Hugs, NP. Your T seems to really care, though I know it's hard to trust in that right now.

(((NP))) Using that term says more about who your husband is, and anybody else who would use it, than it does about you or any targeted person. Do you really think thats who your t is? That looks like a big distrust of all men. Thats where i was when i started with my current t. Im a little better now, i dont automatically hate ALL men. Ask Artie here, havent i improved?

Well we are now at the ER, about 40 mins ago h woke up shivering like w tremors not cold and he felt miserable again so once he could get up and walk we came here. I'm worried.

Art, i hope your husband will be ok. Remember he is in the best place now sorrounded by nurses and doctors

I hope your husband feels better soon Art.

How is your H, Art?

This is the young female part that wants to sit on my Ts knee and let him play with her hair, i am embarrassed and ashamed of this part and sometimes wish she didnt exist
3 of the 4 parts we discussed were angry. The other child part was angry i cannot tell what gender it is.

If you are in an ER in my part of my country you lucky to see a nurse let alone a doctor...

For me, the young girl part wants to sir in T's lap, wants cuddles, wants T to hug her and stroke her hair. Sees T as a loving, nurturing figure. I used to hate her, want to hurt her (including hurting myself in session), called her names... Finally in one session I said I wanted to protect her but then it got harder to feel her.

I don't know much about the boy part, only that he's young and confused. Maybe they're both the same part since I'm gender confused.

There's an "angry child" part too which feels like an extension of "adult me" which blasts T a lot in angry texts.

Hugs.

Thanks guys. Still here. Don't know anything yet. I'm barely awake, he's sorta sleeping. They're doing tests and stuff but we haven't seen Dr yet. The longer we wait the worrieder I get.

But maybe it's good that we haven't heard anything yet. He's obviously low priority which is good right?

Or not. He has a kidney infection/sepsis and is on an intravenous antibiotic as of a few minutes ago and is being admitted...

Oh (((Art))) I'm sorry!

Yikes, art. Thinking of both of you, and hang in there.

Hugs to you, Art.

Oh no, Art--that's scary! You obviously made the right decision to take him. Hope the antibiotic works quickly... Hugs...

Oh wow! Thoughts and prayers for you and your husband Art.