Couch 161: The Hexagonal Pyramidal Couch

I can barely keep my eyes open. I think I'm going to get a full night sleep tonight for the first time this week. I'm going to soak in some bubbles then go to bed. And go back to hospital first thing in the morning hopefully to leave w h before noon!

Night couchies.

You're supposed to take turns.

I'm just work to T. She rather joke with coworkers than do work. (Sometimes it's not a good thing I can see what posts she likes on Instagram).

Deleted rant about money

I have bloodwork to get done first thing tomorrow morning (upcoming annual checkup) and I have to start fasting in an hour or so, so I should eat something, but I’m not hungry.

Of course, if I don’t eat, as soon as the fast period starts, I’ll be ravenous.

Start eating? Break it up like your workout -- laps, reps, sets etc?

Well, the cat's on his way out. Very sick kitty, elderly, multiple issues, nothing to be done. It's very depressing.

I'm supposed to read Tuck Everlasting with the fifth graders tomorrow. I always feel like such a ****ing hypocrite trying to lead these quietest discussions on how death is just another part of life. With ten yr olds for Christ sake.

Can't we just read Dylan Thomas and then color for the rest of the hour?

Try some sort of limited edition Oreo.

H just called, his nurse tonight told him the cause of the kidney infection that led to sepsis, what started all of this, was e coli. Now we're wondering where he picked that up....

I have never seen teasing as a good thing until i met CE Unaluna and my T. It was always used to mock nd humiliate

Yay!

8 characters.

?? You know youre not allowed to post in foreign languages. What is that, klingon?

Lol. Im bingewatching my 600 lb life. Its a crash course in denial.

Which is a shame, because i must say (as i often have in the past) you are truly gifted at humor.

Thats usually not a single person thing, is it? Off to google!

Last time I asked if he liked coffee in pretty much the same way- he answered on maybe the third time. It wasn't about the item. It doesn't really mean much anything to me. I asked because I know I'm not supposed to ask questions about him. But i didn't ask about his family,his card's pin life or how much he earns. I wanted to feel closer to him. The not answering highlighted the difference between us. That he just wants to shut me out. That he has all the control and I'm just this helpless fool going through the pain of transference.

Since he came back from his holiday I haven't really felt connected to him. I don't think i'm over the fact that he left me without a plan when he said he would have that in place. He did say that he was sorry and he knew he was hard on me, but that was because he believed in me.But I expected better from him- he agreed and he should have honored that instead of leaving me to just falter in the wind.

It may sound odd but I feel like i'm split into three parts. Two of which are children, who love him dearly and just want him to read to them , who want hugs and just want to feel safe. the oldest is clinical, charming/manipulative, angry and independent and does whatever it takes to survive and who has never really trusted him. I feel like I'm her now and I feel myself distancing from him. I just want to end this relationship already.It wouldn't hurt me to just have a clean cut. I've already paid for the next two sessions but I want to take a long break - to prove that I can cope in my own that I don't need him. if he could go away why can't I?

He gave me out of session contact after wanting it for so long as a safety net I've made it a challenge to not email him at all.

Yeah, and youre not supposed to fall asleep after your turn and before your partners turn

The Russian ambassador is like Lt Cmdr Data, in the episode where he and Tasha Yar... you know! Data speaks one of my favorite lines in any trek franchise!

Teasing was always used to mock and humiliate me too. My family likes caustic sarcasm. It was eye opening when I visited my partner's family and watched them tease each other.

So I'm ranting about work on facebook and instagram a lot. Probably burning out friends' sympathy.

Don't really have a physical outlet for the stress. Can't bring it home. No local friends want to hang out (if I even have the energy) since they work demanding jobs too.

My therapist gave me homework to ask 2 friends out. They didn't have to accept, and we don't have to schedule, but my task is to ask 2 friends.

I gently asked a casual acquaintance who's grieving because I thought she might want a listening ear. She turned me down. I'm stumped on who should be the second person. Even asking is hard.

I know my therapist is setting homework for behaviour change in order to break my avoidant patterns of behaviour, yet I don't quite like all the focus on "healthy adult" talk of schemas and committed action towards values...change talk. I want her to please just hold me metaphorically, say gentle and nurturing words to my child part(s), affirm and accept the teenager part...I just want to reconnect with her, bond with her.

I just want to rest.

((Argo)) I'm so sorry to hear about your cat...

QM, does it count if you ask us couchies to hang out? We may not be able to physically be there thanks to geography, but at least you'd have asked...

Oh and CE, that canned therapist response was absolutely perfect

I miss 'hanging out' with you on the couch!

I'm quite sure she meant offline friends (cryyyy...!). She thinks I hide behind screens too much. Internet friends on forums have saved my life since I was 16!

I miss "hanging out" with you too! *hugs*

I REALLY wish my colleague in hospital can return to work soon because I'm doing her work on top of mine.

I even feel guilty confirming my therapy appointment scheduled for next week.