One issue too many?

There is no appointment set. I am less freaked out due to this forum but I cannot imagine my fingers dialing her phone on Monday. Nor does she do between-sessiin contact, that I'm aware of. Gah!!!

In my mind, there is nothing wrong with waiting a few days, weeks or months to decide that you want to schedule with her again. Just saying that because if you can't/don't call Monday, calling remains an option.

But I am with you on being totally uninterested in how bad white guys have it. Actually, I don't want to spend therapy time hearing about any group of people: I am there to address my issues.

Thanks..the more distance I get from this the more of a sour note her words sound like. I made great progress with her and feel grateful but maybe I need someone else to tackle this issue with. Or maybe a break from therapy as a whole....

Hopefully by Monday you’re able to somehow set some type of appointment. I think dealing with the guessing game is tough. I think it’s best to try to straighten it out and tell her how you interpreted things and how you’re feeling.

I’ve had iOS and downs with my therapist and at times it was that she was going through things and others I’ll will never know because things are so complicated. I have found that overall when I’ve told her that she upset me or that I was unhappy with something it was to my advantage. At least it would place her in a spot where she would need to respond. Then you have more info on the situation.

Therapists are people too. I have found many times that my therapist will bring her issues into my session. If she was upset about something in her life then that’s the tone that the session took. Although I see that as being unprofessional it can be realistic.

What’s her usual behavior like during other sessions? Does she seem cold and as a matter of fact? Does she seem interested? I guess some of it is also dependent on the type of therapeutic approach she’s using.

She's usually warm, sometimes funny and most of all accessible. Rarely brings her own views into things, and that's why it was jarring. I still can't see my fingers dialing her number though!

If that’s the case then maybe it’s a misunderstanding or misinterpretation. Perhaps what she was trying to communicate didn’t come out the way it was supoosed to. I would give her the benefit of the doubt and speak to her. Give yourself time meanwhile and see how you feel on Monday about calling.

i do think that it might help you clarify if you set up another session, just so you can see if she is aware of her total effup, or is not...it might help you decide to continue with her or not. i would also be really upset and pissed off if my T said that to me. i think i would have stared at her increduously if she said that to me. I agree with others that something in her personal life overrided her T "role."

Makes total sense...thank you!

I wish I had just stared....I did that and then got pretty angry, which I feel foolish about. Thanks for your words!

please do not feel foolish about being angry. if this happened to me, i probably would be shocked into silence, and then ENRAGED later. Ugh, i mean it makes me angry just to read about it!

Thank you. On Thursday afternoon, I felt disoriented and as the days have gone, I became enraged and then dispirited. Part of me worries that if I go back I will see that my T is kind of clueless. Or, maybe just had a moment of cluelessness!! I can't tell you how much this forum has helped me!

If it were me I would want to try to work it out with her or have some kind of formal closure--I'd want to send her a letter or call or have a final session. Otherwise I think I'd never stop thinking about it.

And for what it is worth...I found my husband online 15 years ago. So it can work. I had to sort through a lot of idiots, but then I found him. Fortunately a lot of the idiots screen themselves out pretty quickly with the c*** shots and the sexual propositions. That saves time. Just block those. I figure they are probably already married anyway and just want cyber.

Yeah....I think there's one more chapter left here. The idea of a letter is one of hadn't considered. Thanks!

If it were me, I would be dying to ask her about her surprising response. I would want to ask what in her own life made her respond in such a strong way? I think someone else mentioned maybe she has a son or husband who had a bad experience somehow that is coloring her judgement. I would want to challenge her on it. But therapists like other people can get unduly defensive so there is risk in that approach.

I hope you get the resolution that you need soon.

Thank you. Right now, I have this feeling of "better to leave well enough alone" and never go back. But I do want closure. And yet I don't want to call. It's turned from a freaked out situation to just a lump in my stomach. I almost wish she would call me, but I doubt that will happen. I realize I'm not sounding too empowered here.

It sounds to me like you've been hurt, "kicked in the stomach". So, yeah, that can take away a feeling of empowerment for sure, at least temporarily! But going from freaked out to the lump? Sounds like, hopefully/probably, you are on the mend!? After you feel better, then, that might be a time to call, if you still want to. Not needing the T to support you any more, necessarily, just wanting "closure", as you said.

Kicked in the stomach is a fine way of putting it. I am going to give myself some time. Thank you for putting it so well and summing up how I feel.

All,

I've kind of decided to give this a bit of time and call the T. I am frankly surprised that she hasn't checked in with me, after 2 plus years in this process. We did leave it open, though she suggested "we can end this process or we can continue, using this discussion to move forward and what it might mean for our relationship."

I know it's up to me at this point, but I do kind of wonder...I've had bad therapists before, and when I made the exit, at least I got a boilerplate call about "hey, my door is always open should you want to return." Which gave me the option of going back for at least a clarifying discussion.

I mean, I can certainly call HER ...but what about the possibility of calling and being told, NO, we are done now? Is that abandonment?

Still slightly freaked...it comes in WAVES.

I don't blame you. It is such curve ball, and unexpected . I can freak myself out about my T with zero evidence, and if this happened to me I wouldn't be handing it as well as you processing it on the forum, and really thinking about what to do. I think it is a good time to clarify what result you most want, independently of her. Do you feel there is work left to do with her or is it time to move on- in the big picture?

Your avatar pic is wonderful! I'm kind of curious too...I just don't want another horrid session to color my (probably idealized) vision of her as a T and our good work together. Which was my efforts, mostly, in retrospect. I mean I busted my ****** in that therapy!!!

Wow..thank you. I can see that I have come a ways since last week. I've certainly had freak-out moments. **Your question** is really a focusing one: what is the result that I most want....I guess I want a therapist that I can work with to deal with my relationship status issue. And I think I have to determine if it can be HER, given her reactions last week. Maybe I go back and just float it, plain as day, because that is the last (and huge) issue on my Goals of Life statement.