[fille_folle]

What's your T like? Choose the option(s) that best represents your T.

[atisketatasket]

Best described as nuts, loco, or batshit crazy.

[LonesomeTonight]

I went with perceptive, kind, and patient for current T. He's had a few warm and fuzzy moments, but most of the time, I think he falls in the middle of the spectrum between "warm and fuzzy" and "matter of fact/no nonsense."

[LostOnTheTrail]

Perceptive, kind and patient (and warm....but not really fuzzy. I hesitated before I voted.)

My experience of her is, sincere.

[Anne2.0]

I like brainy, well-read (of whatever the sort they like to read, "all" "my" men have been into history), articulate men and T is one of them. He is mostly patient and kind, with some mild outliers. Perceptive, although I once did a sand tray where he was represented by a monk with his head in the sand. He still brings that up from time to time.

I would not see a T who possessed any of many of these traits (mean, stupid, judgmental, etc). I haven't looked for a blank slate sort but I think that would be fine if otherwise a match.

Insincere and other such traits that we can't really know, I take people at face value as I can't really stand to deal with anything else. If you offer your donkey for me to borrow, I'm going to take you up on it. If you say you can see me on your lunch hour on Thursday for an emergency appointment, I'm taking that. I don't have enough time to try to figure out what people really mean, so I try to interpret as little as possible and ask for clarification whenever I can.

[unaluna]

Mine is warm and fuzzy. Hes a Leo. Not compatible with this Aquarius, but Leos are really nice to be around.

Our joke of the day today: i was complaining about automobile ownership. Our town has really good mass transit options which i take advantage of, and he is an advocate of. I said,

"yeah, a car is just a hole in the ozone layer you pour money into!"

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

Insincere and other such traits that we can't really know, I take people at face value as I can't really stand to deal with anything else. If you offer your donkey for me to borrow, I'm going to take you up on it. If you say you can see me on your lunch hour on Thursday for an emergency appointment, I'm taking that. I don't have enough time to try to figure out what people really mean, so I try to interpret as little as possible and ask for clarification whenever I can.

This is a really good point and is similar to a conversation I had with my T yesterday. I'd asked if I could see him a second time this week, and he said yes, that he had openings. I said how I'm not normally this needy, and was he sure it was OK that I'm seeing him again this week? (I'm usually weekly.) He said yes, that he didn't know how I'd take this, but this is his job. As long as he has openings and I pay him, it's fine to come in as often as I need. It was the same with an e-mail exchange Friday night (which I also paid for), where I verified that it was OK because he was going out of town the next morning. He said he wouldn't have offered if he wasn't willing to do it.

There were some issues with outside contact with both ex-T and my marriage counselor--one in the past, one in the present--which they offered for free and supposedly didn't have any limits on--until suddenly they did...so I really appreciate current T being straightforward with me. He also said he'd say early on if something I was doing/requesting bothers him instead of waiting till it became a big thing. That he's like that both with clients and people in his personal life. I appreciate that straightforwardness since one of my big issues is fearing people are mad/annoyed with me and not telling me till it becomes a big thing.

OK, will stop rambling now!

[stopdog]

I have never met a therapist that was not manipulative either in my private life or in my professional experience with them. I have no trouble taking people at their word - the problem I have had is that therapists have said X won't happen again - even promised X won't happen again- and then the next week - X. I don't know if they are insincere or stupid -it doesn't matter to me why - but I keep tight control because I do not find therapists -as a whole- trustworthy about much outside of the fee being what was agreed upon and they will be there when they say they will. Outside of that, I would not trust them more than that which I am willing to lose. I have not experienced therapists as kind or patient -but I was not really looking for those things.
To me, the idea that one of them would be perceptive is laughable.
But others have different reasons they hire one and different interactions with them than I do.

I went with perceptive because she is most of the time but it was really hard to settle on just one. She can be all of those things at times. She's very human which is part of why I think I can connect with her so well.

[fille_folle]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I like brainy, well-read (of whatever the sort they like to read, "all" "my" men have been into history), articulate men and T is one of them. He is mostly patient and kind, with some mild outliers. Perceptive, although I once did a sand tray where he was represented by a monk with his head in the sand. He still brings that up from time to time.

I would not see a T who possessed any of many of these traits (mean, stupid, judgmental, etc). I haven't looked for a blank slate sort but I think that would be fine if otherwise a match.

Insincere and other such traits that we can't really know, I take people at face value as I can't really stand to deal with anything else. If you offer your donkey for me to borrow, I'm going to take you up on it. If you say you can see me on your lunch hour on Thursday for an emergency appointment, I'm taking that. I don't have enough time to try to figure out what people really mean, so I try to interpret as little as possible and ask for clarification whenever I can.

I don't know, I think you can sometimes tell if someone is insincere by comparing what they say and what they do. I was mostly just trying to think of the negative qualities I've heard others complain about on here. I personally described my T as patient, perceptive, and unemotional. I wasn't sure about the unemotional bit... but I don't find her easy to read, which is ok.

[RaineD]

My therapist is somewhat matter of fact, but he is also warm and funny (though not fuzzy). He is kind but with rough edges.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

There were some issues with outside contact with both ex-T and my marriage counselor--one in the past, one in the present--which they offered for free and supposedly didn't have any limits on--until suddenly they did...so I really appreciate current T being straightforward with me. He also said he'd say early on if something I was doing/requesting bothers him instead of waiting till it became a big thing. That he's like that both with clients and people in his personal life. I appreciate that straightforwardness since one of my big issues is fearing people are mad/annoyed with me and not telling me till it becomes a big thing. !

I think these are really great conversations to be having, and I'm glad you are able to speak openly about what you need and he is giving it what he can and he is being open about that as well. It sounds like you've moved leaps and bounds in this way.

I have sometimes felt that I am annoying, maddening, intrusive to other people. When checking it out with them-- and T was really helpful with this-- I found I was misinterpreting something about them (they were stressed or short on time) and thought it was about me (I was wanting too much from them). I think this is true probably a lot of time for a lot of people-- it's not that we want too much from people, it's that a lot of people are not able to give it. But sometimes I think that people feel guilty when they can't give people what they need, and that makes them blame other people for what they're asking for.

[88Butterfly88]

She's matter of fact / no nonsense, unemotional, kind, and patient.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by fille_folle

I don't know, I think you can sometimes tell if someone is insincere by comparing what they say and what they do.

I wasn't trying to criticize your poll; just saying what I have found to be true.

I can think of examples like "I'm a vegetarian" and then they eat a sackful of burgers, that's more hypocrisy than insincerity.

My T doesn't say a lot of things that would warrant a judgment (and it is one, which is the other problem) of sincerity or lack thereof. I can think of a time where he said he wanted to help me with something very much, please tell him what he could do. I believe he wanted to help me, why wouldn't he?

I don't find it useful to inquire about anyone in my life's sincerity. But if others do, have at it.

[LadyShadow]

I went with kind, perceptive, patient and emotive. My T is probably the most understanding man I have ever known in my life. I mean it is his profession and he is trained to be that way, but in the 10 years that he has been listening to all the crazy crap that I have put myself through, he has always been very objective and non-judgmental.

That being said, he has been the only therapist I ever had, so my opinion could be biased, but doesn't mean he is not an amazing T by his own rights.

[ElectricManatee]

My T is this weird mix of warm and supportive but also, like, no-nonsense. It's sort of like a teacher at my elementary school who everybody described as tough but fair. That teacher was generally well-liked but you knew better than to mess with her. So my T is mostly warm fuzzies and kind and patient but also has strong boundaries and can be a bit stubborn. Mostly I feel safe and warm and close to her, but she's tough enough that I don't hesitate to rage at her when the situation warrants it.

[nottrustin]

Warm, kind, patient, unemotional and perceptive pretty much describes both my T's. I can't imagine telling somebody who does not posess these qualoties my deepest secrets.

[MrsDuckL]

I was hesitant to chose warm and fuzzy, but it mostly applies. My T is very empathic, extremely patient, kind, and perceptive. He’s also quite droll and sarcastically hilarious, a side of him I only sometimes get to see given the nature of the traumatic work we’re doing. T is the intellectual/ very slightly neurotic and high maintenance type, so it’s a nice combo with his warm and empathic side.

I've clicked: warm and fuzzy, emotive, mean, kind, perceptive, patient, oblivious or stupid, judgmental, manipulative, insincere. I had two therapists with very different personalities and encountered these features in either or both. What I would have wanted the most is matter of fact / no nonsense, which I never came across even in many brief T interviews.

[awkwardlyyours]

I can't tell -- I am not sure what's real and what's not.

I've seen her get rather angry at me. As well as frustrated, seemingly passive-aggressive and resentful.

And, deny all of it.

And, I've also seen her express what seemed like rather out-of-the-way kinda concern and care about me and essentially sort of be amused by me.

Currently, it seems to be all in a weird place with her subtly (and sometimes even overtly) insisting that all she's feeling is warm, fuzzy maternal-ish stuff when in fact, I've told her (and had her deny it) that I'm picking up resentment as well along with the seemingly warm fuzzies.

Anyhow.

[AllHeart]

Patient and kind.
A smidge too rigid.
Has good intentions but remains untrustworthy.

Perceptive, kind, patient, warm, and fuzzy w a good dose of woo-woo mixed in. It's been perfect for me.

[annielovesbacon]

This wasn't on the list but the #1 word I'd use to describe my therapist is funny

[fille_folle]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I wasn't trying to criticize your poll; just saying what I have found to be true.

I can think of examples like "I'm a vegetarian" and then they eat a sackful of burgers, that's more hypocrisy than insincerity.

My T doesn't say a lot of things that would warrant a judgment (and it is one, which is the other problem) of sincerity or lack thereof. I can think of a time where he said he wanted to help me with something very much, please tell him what he could do. I believe he wanted to help me, why wouldn't he?

I don't find it useful to inquire about anyone in my life's sincerity. But if others do, have at it.

Gotcha. I listed that option because there seems to be a recurrent theme on this forum where people wonder if their Ts really care, or are just pretending. That's sort of what I was trying to get at.

And don't get me started on fake vegetarians, as I am a veggie myself and find the hypocrisy maddening!