Session advice

So in my next session with T I want to come clean about a lot of things. I feel like I’ve held back so much and I want to tell her stories and be honest but I never think it’s the right time or I don’t know how to bring it up.
I’m scared to cry in session because I feel like since I haven’t cried yet, I can’t anymore (I know that’s ridiculous) but there are a lot of emotional things I should talk about but instead I keep going in circles around hard topics
Do you have any advice on this or how to push past the discomfort? I don’t want to write it down and have her read it, I think I need to say these things out loud but i don’t know how

I'd start small--don't feel like you have to come clean about it all at once. Maybe start by saying what you wrote here: "I feel like I’ve held back so much and I want to tell you stories and be honest but I never think it’s the right time or I don’t know how to bring it up." Print it out and hold it in front of you to read to her, if that helps. And write a list of things you want to talk about--I've found referring to that helps keep me on track (T will ask me if I have my index card of topics with me).

That’s a good idea, maybe I’ll try to say that and blurt it out so it’s out I the open and she would probably take it from there

I have done it a few times now. Once, I was so freaked out that I had a panic attack a few hiura before my session. I still did talk about it, and it was a huge relief.

I usually have an agenda in my head and my notebook. Sonetimes I do back it up by writing it down so that I can hand it to jer if I cant talk. By now, I feel comfortable enough to talk it out.

I get pretty much determined that im gonna talk about it, okay thru conversations in my head, and when I see her, I know what to do. Sometimes I tell her I have art pretty hard to tell her, and qe sometimes just chat for a minute to loosen up, or something like that.

I think its the only way to really move forward. If I cant talk about it to my T, I may never get a chance to talk it thru with anyone.

having it written down even if it is just a bullet point list is helpful for me because then I can look at the list and determine what if anything I am ready to talk about. Sometimes I'll just look at the list for a long time and she'll pick up on how hard it is to talk about whatever I want to share. Other times, I say, nope not ready today and we move on. She then knows something big is bothering me but I'm not there yet.

Sometimes I just say I have something to talk about that I am nervous to talk about and we talk about my feelings around talking about it.

I've used an object as well to keep my hands busy or something I can touch for soothing. I'm tactile in that way.

Another thing I have used is a song, book, quote, picture... something that touches upon or reminds me of the item. I can talk about the item in terms of the issue and how they go together... then more just on the issue.

I just told my therapist something really big today and it was a huge relief...not so much that he fixed anything, but just that it's not secret anymore. What helped me was some advice that I got here. I prefaced it by saying "I have something that I want to tell you, but it's difficult because I'm afraid you will reject me for it." And then he was instantly empathetic and really listened.

I think that’s a big fear of mine too, rejection. But I feel embarrassed to be scared of that because I know how therapy works and trust that my T would take anything pretty well but I still get scared because of the slight chance she might reject me

Oh I totally get that. Even though logically you know that the chances are small, it is still scary. But I think the risk is worth it. Also, I don't think you need to feel embarrassed about the fear of rejection by a therapist. I think it is super common...and it makes sense in a way. The therapy relationship is so totally one way. In normal friendships you trade little secrets over time, but in therapy it is just you sharing secrets...and you are expected to do it fairly quickly.

But each time you do and they don't reject you, you feel a little safer.

For me this is so true!!!