If you give your therapist a handmade artwork, where would you want them to put it

If you give your therapist a gift - suppose an artwork that you made - where would you want your therapist to keep it?

I saw an artwork sticking out of the therapist's bag yesterday, and asked about it. She said that she was taking that painting with her because it was her last time having access to that room; we are switching rooms. I asked if it was a patient who gave her the artwork, and she said yes. I told her that her patient would probably be very upset if s/he knew that she kept it in the cabinet in a shared office space. The therapist said that this was the room where she received it. I said that if a patient gives you a gift, they would probably want you to take it back with you and not leave it in the cabinet in a shared office room. She said not all patients might want that. I disagree with her.

This encounter led me to think about how artificial therapy relationships are. There you have a patient who is attached to the therapist, giving her a handmade artwork. And the therapist simply left it in the cabinet of a shared office room. If the therapist didn't take it home with her, she could have at least left it in her other main office instead of chucking it in the cabinet of a room that she rarely uses. So do therapists actually truly care? I doubt it. Imagine how the therapist might have reacted to the gift saying that's beautiful and thank you. But unbeknownst to the patient, his or her artwork is tucked away in a corner.

I have schizoid tendencies, and commented to the therapist that giving her a gift would be disgusting because of the intimacy. But even as a schizoid, I'd know that the patient would probably feel hurt if the therapist simply chucked a handmade artwork at a corner.

Thoughts?

It would not bother me. I don't have urges to give therapists things. I don't like such presents foisted upon me. Do I have to have something I don't like and did not ask for or want in my house or office? I don't believe one need treasure something just because it was handed to you and even if it was treasured at some point, it does not have to be forever. I think it better simply not to give therapists anything. But if I did give something to a therapist I would expect them to place it in a file or throw it away after I left. I would be more alarmed if they treated it like a small child's drawings that hangs on the refrigerator

I never give therapists gifts, partly because some of them don't like/accept them and I don't want to be rejected. But if I did give them something handmade it would depend on why I gave it to them what I would want them to do with it. If it were something I was good at...like crocheting maybe, then I'd probably like them to use/look at it. But if the artwork were some kind of therapeutic exercise or some way of expressing my feelings, I would be very uncomfortable with any other clients seeing it, or for that matter having the therapist take it home and having her family look at it. Then I'd be fine with it shoved in my file or a cabinet.

I am an artist and I have thought about making t something. I would love it if he kept it out but near his desk/ partially hidden but close? Would not want to hurt his other clients by a big display. I have given him some small things and he keeps them on his windowsill in front of his desk. I wouldn’t want it locked away in the dark either. Taking it home would be ok too.

Before my t moved out of state at the end of my first year seeing her, I crocheted a doily and starched it into a bowl and gave it to her as a going-away present. She acted like she loved it.

Then 3-something years later she moved back and I started seeing her in person again, and at my 2nd appt after she came back she had her still being organized sand play shelves up again and there was the bowl I made on one of the shelves. I got upset, because I'd made it for her not other clients. I told her I was upset and we talked about it, she apologized for it being there, I said well I did give it to you I can't tell you what to do w it and stuff but she again apologized and said she should have been more sensitive about it, that it wasn't going to stay there she was still unpacking. I haven't given her anything I've made since then, except the occasional poem.

I would be hurt if my t didn’t display a gift of handmade artwork given to her and kept it in a cabinet but I know not everyone feels the same. I gave my ex t a really nice piece of artwork I had made her. She asked me If I wanted her to keep it at the office or if she could take it home. I told her to do what she wanted with it. She took it home. It still hangs in her dining room.

I gave my T a card that I made for her birthday, about 5 years ago. She put it up on her wall and I feel good about seeing it there each week. I gave her another homemade card that I painted, based on a larger landscape I did. That one sits on her office mantel (I think that's what you call it). T says more people comment on that card than anything else in the room, including her own painting! I would have felt hurt if she hadn't displayed my artwork, but I also realize she didn't HAVE to do that.

Your post prompted me to share something. About four years ago I gave my therapist a picture in a really cool frame, it wasn’t large, 5x7. She really enjoyed the picture and kept it on an end table in her office. I loved seeing it there every week, well maybe I didn’t notice it every week but it was just nice to see it there when I did notice it. So she recently moved into a new office. She decorated the place to her liking as she doesn’t share the space with anyone else. I did however notice that my picture is no longer displayed. When I asked her where it was she rather nervously said that she didn’t have enough table space. She has since added more furniture but the picture isn’t there. It makes me feel a little badly and I would respect an honest answer. When I asked her about it in an email she never responded. I have decided to just leave it be. It’s not a huge deal but as you said, it makes you question the sincerity of the relationship between the client and the therapist.

I probably sound heartless but I think a therapist should be able to decorate her office the way she wants. I wouldn't want to hang art that I thought wasn't top-rate and to my own taste. The chances of your clients being professional painters who also paint in the style and medium that you like are pretty nil. I think you should be able to give small gifts but you shouldn't question what happens to them, no matter how much your therapist loves you.

He has one on the fridge and the others o a bulletin board in his office

You don't sound heartless to me at all; you sound like a balanced human who understands that giving gifts is done out of joy and that receiving a gift does not imply any obligation on the part of the receiver unless expressly agreed upon.
No strings attached is a very evolved giving position, IMHO.

I think the essence of gift-giving -- to therapists or to anyone -- is that the gift becomes the property of the recipient, who can use, enjoy, display, dislike, or discard in whatever fashion they deem fit. I feel great satisfaction when somebody treasures a gift I have given them because it means that the effort and thought I put into the gift are understood and appreciated. But I wouldn't want my T (or anybody) to feel obligated to keep or display something if they didn't want to, and that includes handmade items like art.

One of the rules with giving my T a gift is that it comes with no expectations. If she displays it, uses it, puts it away, sells it, gives it to someone else, or throws it away, it's up to her to do what she wants with it. It's hers anyways. But she graciously accepts all my gifts (so long as it's not too big or expensive).

I don’t think that you sound heartless. It’s actually quite logical. I am a very logical thinker but with therapy I am learning to allow myself to feel more emotions, even if they seem illogical. The picture that I gave her was actually a seascape photo. I know she enjoyed it because she displayed it for several years. It just seems odd that suddenly she is not. Of course it is hers to do what she wants with. I certainly don’t want it back. Logically I get it.. but emotionally it felt a little hurtful. Anyways.. my contribution to this thread. : )

My exT has two paintings I did in his current office. It's a bit much, really...

So, by this logic, if we are to leave our gifts where we were given them, we'd never get to take anything home. It would all have to be left at restaurants, friend's/relatives houses and assorted venues. Very strange practice.

My pdoc is retiring and I have knitted him a scarf something hopefully he will use. If he chose to throw it away well I wouldn't know about it so I suppose what I don't know doesn't hurt me.

I think your story highlights two important things: 1) Therapists and clients simply do not share the same taste in artwork or other gifts; and 2)
The gifts that clients choose to give are often more meaningful to the client than to the therapist.

I actually think it makes more sense to make or buy gifts for ourselves...gifts that remind us of our therapist or of the therapeutic relationship or of something we learned in therapy...than it does to make or buy gifts for our T’s. We, as clients, know what personally holds meaning for us. What holds meaning for us is often not the same for T’s. Nor should it be. We are all on our own journeys.

This reminds me of something that happened when I was in high school. At the end of my senior year, my favorite teacher (she was everyone's favorite teacher!) retired. I made her a scrapbook, full of pictures and memories from her classes. I gave it to her at the end of the year, and she seemed so grateful and excited.
A few months later, I watched her dogs while she was on vacation. I went in the closet to get the vacuum and saw the scrapbook in there, like it was junk to be stored away. It made me really sad.
But I get lunch with her twice a year because we like to catch up every so often. She has brought up the scrapbook more than once, saying that she appreciates it and she's going to take it to the nursing home with her (lol, she's not even old).

So my first instinct to your question was to say yes, I would also be hurt if I made my T artwork and she put it in a cabinet. But when I think about why I would give her art, it would be the same for why I gave that scrapbook to my teacher: it wasn't for her to display it or to show everyone. It was because I care about her and wanted her to have those memories. So I would be ok with it if my T put my artwork somewhere hidden. It's just important to me that she appreciates the gesture.

LoL. That reply made me laugh, but that is very true. I don't see or follow the therapist's logic.

Personally, I agree that it is up to the therapist how s/he wants to decorate the office space and what s/he wants to do with a handmade gift from a patient. But to simply chuck it in a cabinet of an office that the therapist rarely uses seems too cold and uncaring. It's like tucking it away in a dusty attic.

Furthermore, is it the gift itself that matters or what it symbolizes or means? Therapists claim that their relationship with each patient is special and unique, and that it's sincere. If someone truly matters - even in a professional way - what they give to you should be treasured because of where it came from and what it means. You may not like the item in and of itself or the artwork may not be your taste, but it has sentimental value and is meaningful. Do you throw away something meaningful? Do you chuck something meaningful at a corner in an office that you rarely use? No.

Yes -sometimes one does throw out or store away that which has had meaning. Letting go is also important. It does not have to diminish that there was meaning.

If I were to make them something, I wouldn't want it displayed! Because I'd get embarrassed every time I looked at it, and also because that would mean other people would all see it, too.

Perfect reaction for me would probably.. handling the gift carefully, studying it for a moment, thanking, generic compliment and generic statement of intent (I'll take good care of it, I'll take it home, I'll keep it right here in my drawer), then putting it away carefully and continuing the session. Not too much attention to either the gift or a long conversation about why I wanted to give it.
Afterwards, I'd prefer them to not mention it specifically again, although I might like it if they were to casually do so - like, 'are you still drawing?' Or 'I remember when you gave me the drawing, you were also ..'. So mostly let me know they remember it, but not talking about it deeply.

But I don't think I'd give them anything. I gave my T homemade (gardenmade?) honey once when I saw her on her birthday, but that was different - it was small, a birthday gift, and not very personal.
Was debating a Christmas card for my pdoc.. didn't.
Also, I've found that T's seem to read a lot of stuff into normal behaviour displayed in session, and then want to analyse it. If you hand a neurologist chocolate in thanks, he'll be grateful and eat it. A T will want to talk about why you wanted to give him the chocolate.

has anyone gave their T's art? Did you ask about it first? (besides Rainbow) I am interested in giving my T a painting at some unknown point in the future, but she once said T's aren't supposed to accept gifts. I am sure I'd ask first, but wonder what other T's have said.

I gave my T a painting once. We were talking about how it's a good coping mechanism for me, and she said she'd love to see some of my paintings if I wanted to show her. I brought a few and it turns out one of my paintings was of a statue in her hometown (she's from a big city). I told her she could have it if she wanted, and she took it. No clue what she did with it but it made me feel good that she was interested in and excited by my art.

Where would I want her to out it? In a perfect world I want her to love it and display it where she can see it all the time. At home or in her office is ok. I do know that's not realistic. She can do what she wants with it as it is a good and gifts don't have obligations no matter what my mother says.