[LonesomeTonight]

Curious as to how people's T's handle this. Ex-T and MC both tend to let clients lead the sessions, generally going wherever I (or we) led them, making some comments, but mostly having me (us) determine topics. I'm finding that T often directs sessions more, like I'll bring something up, we'll discuss it, then T might take it off in a certain direction, sometimes a different direction than I would have thought to go. At times, it can be helpful and has brought up some good conversation and insights. Other times, like today, it veered me off of the track of stuff I wanted to discuss, and by the time I got us back on that track, there was only 10 minutes left (even then, he sort of shifted the conversation from where I wanted it).

So...how are other people's T's with this? What do you find to be most helpful? Suggestions for being like, "No, that's not the area I want to focus on today!" when your T seems to go in a different direction? (I don't want to shut it down completely, because, again, it's sometimes helpful. Just not all the time...)

[ElectricManatee]

I feel like I choose the topic nearly all the time. I think she subtly steers the conversation one way or another sometimes, but I generally don't notice it happening. She would basically never try to shift from talking about work to talking about my marriage or vice versa. Sometimes she will "check in" on something if I haven't talked about it in a while, but I am fairly comfortable giving brief answers and then saying I'm not interested in spending too much time on that topic if it isn't grabbing me.

Have you tried just telling your T that you want to talk about X instead of Y? I often find the direct approach works well. My T knows I am far more likely to "hear" her and get things out of my session if we follow what's been on my mind lately. I think I generally select my topics based on whatever is bugging me the most or whatever I'm having the strongest feelings about. If I'm not feeling particularly bothered by anything, I would be more likely to go along with something my T thinks is important.

[Out There]

EMDR T leads sessions as it's designed to be structured , but if something's happened that's bothering me we'll work on that. With regular T we'll generally go with what I want to start with and see where it leads ( which is often all over the place ) Being very structured with regular T I don't think would work for me. If he veered off too much I think I'd pull it back , like " No , I want to go here ". I wonder if sometimes what the T thinks is happening and what the client thinks is happening aren't always the same thing , happened to me today.

[ElectricManatee]

Originally Posted by Out There

I wonder if sometimes what the T thinks is happening and what the client thinks is happening aren't always the same thing , happened to me today.

I wonder about that sometimes too. I'm somewhat used to feeling like my T can see inside my brain, so when she occasionally is way off base, I find it quite jarring. It makes me wonder how often I'm not making myself clear to her but neither of us notices. Occasionally I really wish I could see what her thought process looks like.

[MrsDuckL]

I lead the sessions as well, usually after a few minutes of surface level chit chat T will open with “so how are things going?” and I will go from there. Sometimes he will waaaayyyyy overanalyze something and we end up spending more time than I thought on a particular topic, like when I mentioned I always make a cake from scratch for my son’s birthday, and my T ended up digging out a possibly biggger meaning (he was somewhat correct.) But I do steer our coversation and set the topics for the most part.

I have found coming prepared in my head with a few general topics helps, although I always feel like if I come prepared with topics 1,2, and 3, we maybe get to point 1.5 or something. I try to have the same general structure to my sessions, in the sense that I might do a quick recap of any big issues that happened in the past week. So this will somewhat help things because I usually get to the bigger topic I want to discuss after a little chit chat, quick recap, then bigger issue.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Out There

I wonder if sometimes what the T thinks is happening and what the client thinks is happening aren't always the same thing , happened to me today.

That's a good point. I suspect that's what happened with me today. I e-mailed T after session about feeling disconnected and not sensing the caring from him, and he said he was really surprised I was feeling that way. So it may have been a case where he thought he knew what I needed and what I was feeling, but it wasn't accurate. Probably a good conversation for next session... It might just take more time before we're better able to read each other (it's only been 4.5 months, somehow).

[MoxieDoxie]

My T always asks what is it I want to get covered in session today? I hate that. Usually I am just a bundle of raw exposed nerves and feelings and I can not express myself and I just want him to have a magic wand to make it all better.

[maybeblue]

I discovered long ago that if I let them lead the conversation they are going to get completely off base and I'll feel out of control, pissed and misunderstood. Sometimes I still feel that way, even if I come in all prepared with what I want to talk about, but it happens less often.

[DP_2017]

He always leads.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I'm finding that T often directs sessions more, like I'll bring something up, we'll discuss it, then T might take it off in a certain direction, sometimes a different direction than I would have thought to go.

That's what happens in my sessions...when I'm brave enough to even bring something up. Ugh. I get fidgety and short when my t goes off in a direction I don't want to go. Or, I completely tune her out and stare off into space for several minutes. I so suck at therapy.

[atisketatasket]

They want me to direct. Depending on my mood, I may abdicate, in which case it seems like they always have a list of possible topics ready.

[GeminiNZ]

I direct. For a long (looooooong) time, i could barely even start speaking, let alone actually direct a session, but these days i seem to be able to walk in, sit on the floor, say hi and either start talking or tell T he needs to start talking.

[WarmFuzzySocks]

I usually lead. Usually, I've got an idea in my head of what I want to cover. If she's got something she brings it up or directs the conversation that way eventually if we don't get there naturally.

[annielovesbacon]

Honestly, I'm not really sure. She starts every session by asking, "What do you want to focus on today?" I usually bring up something we've been working on, or if I'm feeling brave, bring up something new that I'd been afraid to tell her.
But sometimes I can't think of anything, so she will choose something we've been working on. And sometimes the homework she gives is like a series over several weeks, so when we work on those, in session we talk about the homework so I guess that's like her leading.

[feralkittymom]

This time around, I pretty much take charge. I'm not dealing with such emotionally charged stuff, so I usually know what I want to talk about before the session. If she takes something in a direction that feels off to me, I'll usually try to ask her very directly what her thinking is, explaining my impression. Sometimes that gets us back on track and sometimes I catch a misinterpretation of her thinking on my part. Either way, it tells me something about my reactions, and keeps the dialogue going forward pretty openly. It helps that she's not defensive, and I don't feel any emotional push/pull, so those occasions of mis-attunement are rather emotionally neutral.

[velcro003]

My T believes in letting clients lead sessions and come to their own conclusions, but she is also asks questions to try and keep me talking as well.

[InnerPeace111]

I always lead my sessions. T will always ask at the start something like, “Is there anything you’d like to talk about today?” or “What would you like to talk about today?” I have never not had topics to discuss so I am not sure what would happen if I said, “No, I have nothing to talk about today.” Would she lead the whole session in this case? I have no idea! I love how my T always lets me lead and doesn’t attempt to stear or direct the conversation. I don’t know how she does this. It must be hard work on her part but she makes it look easy!

[stopdog]

it floundered about until my person got sick. I never knew what the hell I was supposed to be talking about that was supposed to help and the woman never seem to have a clue what the hell is supposed to be going on but then my person started dying and so there was a focus That I had athat the woman could not screw up. if I had known what the hell a person was supposed to talk about to feel better I would've done it on my own and not hired a ****ing therapist

[ScarletPimpernel]

I always choose the topic unless we have to do goals or scheduling. T does help make sure the conversation flows. She is an active part of the conversation. She also doesn't let me get too off course with the topic.

[Anne2.0]

My T once said that he sees himself like a musical accompanist, a piano player to my singing. I like that metaphor. I would not do well with a therapist that likes to take the lead. Sometimes he asks me how I've been when I sit down, but usually I say "I've been thinking about X and go on to frame what that is.

Sometimes he asks a direct question and every once in awhile he mentions something from another session. Earlier this month I was going through the 10 questions I ask myself about how the past year has gone, and he was reminding me of things I had said about wanting to figure out how to leave the official job I've been doing and just strike out on my own full time. And other things. I was really surprised that he could recall my goals better than I could.

He doesn't seem to have a desire to control the session or anything else about my therapy. He seems to be willing to go wherever I do, and that works for me. During the short months that my spouse was suffering with advanced stage cancer, there was a time or two when I thought he asked too many questions about how my spouse was doing. Since I fielded these kinds of questions all day long-- people looking for information, especially since my spouse didn't like to tell anyone anything-- I told him therapy was the one place where I felt I could focus on me and not my spouse's latest medical crisis. He stopped that once I was able to articulate that i would like him to.

[SummerTime12]

My T is pretty directive, but I think that’s just because I’m usually not. If I have something I want to talk about we go with that. I like it this way because then I don’t feel pressure to know what I should bring up every time, he tends to get a sense of what’s important for me to discuss at the moment based on how my week went.

[nottrustin]

T will as questions like how is work, how is hubby, how are the kids, etc. I will either give her quick answer if that if appropriate will elaborate if there are issues. When she asks how I am doing or if there is anything I want to bring up I will. There have been times I, in the beginning, will bring up the topic if itis important. Usually I will tell her I have sonething important.

EMDR T on the other always wants me to lead the entire appointment which is a struggle.

[mcl6136]

I can't function unless I lead. Which may be kind of sick but that's what I got

[maybeblue]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

I can't function unless I lead. Which may be kind of sick but that's what I got

Me either, and I don't even think that I'm especially controlling in regular life, but I sure am in therapy.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by maybeblue

Me either, and I don't even think that I'm especially controlling in regular life, but I sure am in therapy.

maybe it's one of the few places where I can kind of call the shots.