[confused_77]

i talked about emails lot here but its such a big part of my life now. I email my therapist daily. I always have something to say. At first i thought once everything is explained i won't need it but the me write the more i have tell her.
As suggested in my other post i stopped worrying about how it affects her. she knows to tell me if it bothers her but we have not talked about emails for about a month is session. we do talk about the topics I cover in the emails though but not the emailing itself.
this insatiable need is fascinating. how much can you tell someone without getting an immediate response. i ask questions, i talk about so so many different subjects but unless it happens to be brought up in session not all questions get answered.
I spend so much time trying to understand and imagine what she might feel. did anyone ever have a person email then a lot? how did it make you feel?

I email my therapist approximately twice a month, usually in response to an unusually difficult time for me (for example, in the case of family contact or a rupture with her) or if I am not seeing her on a regular basis. She encourages me to do so and historically I have found it very reassuring. We have both acknowledged that it has moved the work and our relationship forward.

However, it is a current great source of concern to me because she has told me that she doesn't have this kind of contact with other clients. I feel a horrible sense of collusion and "specialness" which makes me very wary.

I see you are in the UK too. Is your therapist NHS or private practice? I previously had an NHS therapist and the option of emailing them would have never even occurred to me.

[DP_2017]

never daily, i would feel annoying....

if anything, i would journal my thoughts daily and share those in session

i used to think my one email a week was alot lol.... but now i rarely email.maybe once a month if that.

Even if I wanted to constantly email. I wouldn't or couldn't because I'd be afraid of T rolling her eyes,, not that she would, but that's how I feel about it. As I say, I'm not a boundary pusher.

Only part of my email posted. I’ll try again...

I’ve never had anyone email me a lot. I have mailed my therapists a fare bit. My previlus therapist got 1,600 emails in 18 months. She answered more than half the emails. Sometimes, I would send a one word or one line email and she would respond witha page back. She understood all the crap that was connected to that one word or one line and she was willing to do therapy by email for which I am grateful. Two months ago, I asked her about all the emails she got from me and she said, “I did not see emailing as a problem for you,”

My standby therapist gets her fare share of emails, more than most people on PC are comfortable sending, and she responds to most of them with 1-4 lines. Usually, I’m kvetching and she reassures me.

If you want answers to unanswered questions is there a possibility you can hold off on sending new emails or at least new content and then spend a few sessions getting answers to your previous emails?

[Elio]

Originally Posted by confused_77

i talked about emails lot here but its such a big part of my life now. I email my therapist daily. I always have something to say. At first i thought once everything is explained i won't need it but the me write the more i have tell her.
As suggested in my other post i stopped worrying about how it affects her. she knows to tell me if it bothers her but we have not talked about emails for about a month is session. we do talk about the topics I cover in the emails though but not the emailing itself.
this insatiable need is fascinating. how much can you tell someone without getting an immediate response. i ask questions, i talk about so so many different subjects but unless it happens to be brought up in session not all questions get answered.
I spend so much time trying to understand and imagine what she might feel. did anyone ever have a person email then a lot? how did it make you feel?

I use my journal this way. And yes, I ask her a zillion questions in my journal. They go all over the place from political stuff, academic stuff to does she even like me, why is she working with me. About 95% of the stuff I write her goes without discussion. I give her my journal and she reads it usually the day of my next session. I include detailed session notes so usually my journal is 8-9 pages single sided 2 x wk. I still am at emailing her almost weekly as well. That's more of an average because I'll go one week and email her every day and then maybe not email her for 2 weeks.

She rarely brings up anything I've written. If we are going to talk about it, I have to initiate it.

I don't have a clear handle on what you session frequency so I don't know if moving to a journal method would work for you. To be honest, I think if you can get to where you honestly are not concerned about your emailing her and remain curious to the process then I think you will be able to learn something valuable about yourself.

[rainbow8]

I have always had the urge to email my Ts a lot and often, but I used to want replies and was disappointed when my T wrote short responses. For a long time, we discussed and argued about whether emailing was helpful or harmful for me.

I especially have a need to email after my session, to analyze it and tell T how I feel. At least this is how it used to be. I would write a few emails per week and I would be satisfied. T wrote "better responses" and I also became more accepting if they weren't exactly the replies I wanted. Sometimes I wrote, and still do, as if I am writing in a journal but it satisfies me that T reads it though she doesn't respond to much unless I bring it up in my session.

Once she agreed not to stop my emailing, the urge lessened somewhat. I can go some weeks without emailing at all. Maybe it has to do with having a more secure attachment to my T. Or maybe I got everything out in 8 years, LOL!

Confused, do you like to write in general? I have always kept diaries and journals; writing is something that comes naturally to me and I enjoy it. I used to express myself better in writing but now I like talking more too.

If your T doesn't object, keep writing! It obviously fulfills a need for you.

[confused_77]

Originally Posted by long_gone

I email my therapist approximately twice a month, usually in response to an unusually difficult time for me (for example, in the case of family contact or a rupture with her) or if I am not seeing her on a regular basis. She encourages me to do so and historically I have found it very reassuring. We have both acknowledged that it has moved the work and our relationship forward.

However, it is a current great source of concern to me because she has told me that she doesn't have this kind of contact with other clients. I feel a horrible sense of collusion and "specialness" which makes me very wary.

I see you are in the UK too. Is your therapist NHS or private practice? I previously had an NHS therapist and the option of emailing them would have never even occurred to me.

mine isnt actually an English therapist as I met her while i still lived at home and after a year of therapy l moved and we continue therapy over Skype. i send the first email when i was concerned therapy will need to finish because of the move and felt to ashamed to admit it in person. then i would send aprox 1 email a week, now its one a day, not as a rule but there is always something i have to say...
i did quite recently go through a few weeks of feelings gulity, needy and 'too much' but there has been so many times i emailed her to ask to tell me when i write too much. she never did, and we briefly talked about it but without an obvious outcome.
maybe it's not a problem for everyone. i think it wouldn't be for me, especially because i dont expect her to reply...

[confused_77]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I have always had the urge to email my Ts a lot and often, but I used to want replies and was disappointed when my T wrote short responses. For a long time, we discussed and argued about whether emailing was helpful or harmful for me.

I especially have a need to email after my session, to analyze it and tell T how I feel. At least this is how it used to be. I would write a few emails per week and I would be satisfied. T wrote "better responses" and I also became more accepting if they weren't exactly the replies I wanted. Sometimes I wrote, and still do, as if I am writing in a journal but it satisfies me that T reads it though she doesn't respond to much unless I bring it up in my session.

Once she agreed not to stop my emailing, the urge lessened somewhat. I can go some weeks without emailing at all. Maybe it has to do with having a more secure attachment to my T. Or maybe I got everything out in 8 years, LOL!

Confused, do you like to write in general? I have always kept diaries and journals; writing is something that comes naturally to me and I enjoy it. I used to express myself better in writing but now I like talking more too.

If your T doesn't object, keep writing! It obviously fulfills a need for you.

years ago i would journal. but have not done it for at least 10 years.. not appealing in the slightest. there is something in the fact that another person reads it takes makes it so addictive. its like i can imagine she cares, she is interested and it sucks me in and to be honest i would rather live disillusioned then know that she doesn't care. most of them time i all for the harsh truth tl but this time it just gives me so much please to be able to share with another person. maybe the sharing is the thing itself and it doest need to serve a bigger purpose! i dont know

[Elio]

Originally Posted by confused_77

maybe the sharing is the thing itself and it doest need to serve a bigger purpose! i dont know

For me, I do think the sharing plays a big role in my journaling. I did not/could not... or whatever share with my parents about my inner world. I rarely share with people in my life, this inner world. My T is about the only person I feel I can share the majority of my thoughts and feel actually heard and not just someone being polite.

[confused_77]

Originally Posted by Elio

For me, I do think the sharing plays a big role in my journaling. I did not/could not... or whatever share with my parents about my inner world. I rarely share with people in my life, this inner world. My T is about the only person I feel I can share the majority of my thoughts and feel actually heard and not just someone being polite.

thats probably exactly it!!! its still such a new thing that everything that always bottled up can be shared... even after 3 years its still such a unique relationship and nobody knows even half of what i tell her

[fille_folle]

Are you sure she's actually reading them? I've never been one for emailing my therapists. Personally, I try to exhibit behavior that would be acceptable and manageable even if all my T's clients did it. So that sort of eliminates most out of session contact. I don't feel like my daily thoughts are worth the time it would take to read them. I don't have the option as far as I know to email my current T between appointments, and I would really only feel ok calling her in special circumstances. Any time she spends on me outside of session isn't something I'm paying for, so it would feel like I wasn't properly valuing her time. I do write things and bring them to session, though.

I'm not sure how I would feel if I were a T and I had a client who emailed me a lot, but it probably wouldn't be positive. When I've had other people who emailed me excessively, I've wondered why they think I care about the minutiae of their existence. It would probably depend on whether I actually took the time to read each email. If they didn't require a response and weren't full of important revelations (which daily emails really can't be), I'd probably filter them into a special folder and skim them before session. Otherwise, I have a feeling I'd be one of those T's who either restricts the number of emails or charges for them. It would feel like a chore, reminiscent of completing assigned readings for class. If I had to read daily emails, I'd feel like I wasn't being respected as someone who has her own life. I certainly wouldn't be able to remember what was written if there was a constant high volume of messages. However, I am not your T (or anyone else's), and am generally a mean and impatient person, so...

[Pennster]

I went through a very rough time recently and I made it through partly by sending emails daily to my therapist. I told him I didn’t need an answer to any of them, but he would sometimes reply. He seemed to appreciate how useful the emails were for me and was totally fine about it.

Now things have turned brighter for me, and I don’t need to write everyday. I might send an email a week now. For me email has been a good tool that has been very useful.

[maybeblue]

Originally Posted by confused_77

did anyone ever have a person email then a lot? how did it make you feel?

This wasn't a therapist relationship, but I once had a friend that I emailed nearly every day. I loved it. There is something very helpful about putting your thoughts into writing and having someone else read it. He answered most days and he shared things back, so it was different than a therapeutic relationship, but it did turn out to be very helpful in helping me deal with my depression. Since he didn't live near me or know any of the same people I do, I could be really open with him. We would still be writing except that he got cancer and died. I think him being able to talk about that with me was helpful for him too.

Since it doesn't seem to bother your therapist and it's helpful to you then why not? If it does bug her she can tell you. It might be possible that she does read all the emails right before one of your sessions though, so I hope you have some other way to get in touch with her if you have an emergency.

[hopealwayz]

This is something that I’m working on.

Originally Posted by Elio

I use my journal this way. And yes, I ask her a zillion questions in my journal. They go all over the place from political stuff, academic stuff to does she even like me, why is she working with me. About 95% of the stuff I write her goes without discussion. I give her my journal and she reads it usually the day of my next session. I include detailed session notes so usually my journal is 8-9 pages single sided 2 x wk. I still am at emailing her almost weekly as well. That's more of an average because I'll go one week and email her every day and then maybe not email her for 2 weeks.

She rarely brings up anything I've written. If we are going to talk about it, I have to initiate it.

Elio, I feel less alone being reminded that someone journals to their T too. My journals are typed and like yours, I ask her a lot of questions, I write about all sorts of stuff important to me - work, family, friends, politics, stuff I've read, the therapy relationship, my life experiences, questioning my gender, my hopes and dreams.

Most of it never gets discussed, but I am fine with raising things I want to address with her.

My journals are really, really long, so she takes her time reading them. Maybe she skims some and maybe doesn't read some. I know she files them away. What matters to me is she receives them and reads some of it.

I see her once a fortnight to once a month. and I never expect things written there to be raised. If it's a Big Thing which keeps surfacing in sessions too, she has brought it up and so have I.

For me, it's like maintaining connection with her, keeping me open and vulnerable, sharing my heart. I'm like a lonely child or lonely teenager or sometimes lonely adult wanting to tell her everything important to me.

----

OP, as your therapist is OK with you emailing, email away. Trust that she will inform you of her boundaries and have a discussion with you if you're emailing "too much". She's a therapist and what better way to model stuff?

[confused_77]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

For me, it's like maintaining connection with her, keeping me open and vulnerable, sharing my heart. I'm like a lonely child or lonely teenager or sometimes lonely adult wanting to tell her everything important to me.

----

OP, as your therapist is OK with you emailing, email away. Trust that she will inform you of her boundaries and have a discussion with you if you're emailing "too much". She's a therapist and what better way to model stuff?

I think you are right. It is about maintaing connection.

[MoxieDoxie]

Emails are part of your record. T's put them in your chart. I feel ashamed of myself when I read back some of the correspondences I have sent to my T. I look so childish and desperate instead of a grown woman. I would never want anyone to get a hold of them.

[confused_77]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

Emails are part of your record. T's put them in your chart. I feel ashamed of myself when I read back some of the correspondences I have sent to my T. I look so childish and desperate instead of a grown woman. I would never want anyone to get a hold of them.

I doubt that I have 'a chart'. Its a private therapy, I am sure its not as structured here. I doubt she has any notes about me.

[MoxieDoxie]

The form I signed said this:

E-MAILS, CELL PHONES, COMPUTERS, AND FAXES: It is very important to be aware that computers and unencrypted email, texts, and e-faxes communication (which are part of the clinical records)

[confused_77]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

The form I signed said this:

E-MAILS, CELL PHONES, COMPUTERS, AND FAXES: It is very important to be aware that computers and unencrypted email, texts, and e-faxes communication (which are part of the clinical records)

I never signed anything, no T&C, nothing... we just met and started talking and agreed on frequency and cost. I come from a country where things are generally less monitored/structured.

I had two sessions with a private T here in England (a different story all together) and I was so taken aback by the therapy agreement she presented to me at the begining that I had to sign first. I know especially when its not a private visit this has to be done but I absolutely hated when she asked me for card details at the very first meeting so she can charge my account in case I cancel a meeting less than 48h prior. I felt like its so greedy and wrong. I would underatand this coming up after a while if missing appointemts became an issue but even if I didnt show up to one meeting it wouldnt be the end of the world to not get money for it. This and the fact that the 2nd time I went we just sat in silence for most of the time with her just staring at me with this fake interest and decided that 'I am not ready for therapy' was so much ********, Defo put off looking for help more locally. Ooops a bit of topic.

[Elio]

Originally Posted by confused_77

I doubt that I have 'a chart'. Its a private therapy, I am sure its not as structured here. I doubt she has any notes about me.

My T does have all my journals. When she moved from the clinic to private practice she took them with her. They were not part of my official (legal) medical record. I believe that is still the case. The reason I know she still has them all is because I asked to see something I gave her and she had to pull them all out to find it.

Yes there are many things in them that are childish/child-like. No, I would not like to know that someone else has read them. Some times it is as simple as "ignorance is bliss".

I did sign HIPAA document again when she moved to private practice. I believe she will do everything she can to ensure their safety and confidentiality.

My T keeps my journals to her (and I presume writings other clients have given her) and her personal client notes in a locked file cabinet. The hospital she works in uses an Electronic Health Record where she keys in her official notes.

I live in Asia. Every country has their own medical confidentiality laws, which may have differences from USA HIPAA. OP is in the UK.

I would suggest talking with your therapist if you're concerned about what goes into your chart / medical record. In my country, different therapy places can have wildly different policies over what goes into the record.

[maybeblue]

Originally Posted by confused_77

I doubt that I have 'a chart'. Its a private therapy, I am sure its not as structured here. I doubt she has any notes about me.

How would she remember stuff without notes? I'm not 100% sure that my current therapist knows how to work a computer. He hand writes all his notes, and they are completely illegible to normal humans. So I figure my confidentiality is pretty safe.

[HD7970GHZ]

I definitely understand this... You are not alone in feeling these things in regards to emailing and communicating with you therapist.

My recommendation (and I know you are not asking for one) is to try not to email while you are emotional. If you do email, try your best not to overshare. Keep in mind that everything you write in emails can and will be used against you in a court of law if they are ever to be subpoenaed.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz