Disconnecting from therapist after first time crying

I feel myself wanting to run after crying for the first time in therapy.
I Know to bring this up to her, but I always need to have kinda like bullet points when going into session.

Anyways she just sat there kinda awkwardly, or I guess tried to maintain a neutral face I guess? It wasn't cold, and it was just like the most disconnected I've felt from her since our first few sessions. Like could have been have random burst of tears from trying to hold it all in, or could have just been casually going over my workday.
I'm not sure what I expected her to do though...
I don't have experience crying like this, usually it was because of physical incident as a child not because of an overwhelming feeling while discussing something. I've done it while watching a sad movie, but usually get laugh reactions and will laugh too.

Anyways, It makes it easy to leave her now. It's like back to first step in the connection, which wasn't super strong in the first place but still... I thought it meant steps forward if you cry in therapy. But its been a few weeks, and I feel a lot less closer to her.

there will be a lot of back and forth with emotions in therapy. crying is a good step in a way, but yes it can make you feel more distant or whatever.

i also struggle with crying, i cried for the first time after 8 months in.... i was lucky though because he held me and let me cry on his shoulder, which was crazy powerful moment for me.... i haven't been able to cry since though, i do my shutting down habit again

actually i think maybe asking her for ways to help you keep the connection might help you. maybe you can go more often? outside contact? have a book she can loan you or something like that? it does change though, there are days during the week my connection seems less and then its back. also try journaling.

I was crying when I met my t haha. What made you feel so disconnected from her when you cried? Did she not seem empathetic? I would bring it up to her

I guess that's it one the things, but I'm not sure what I expected her to do.

Yeah she just sat there, because it was kind of burst of emotion there was a point where I was like "I'm fine, I'm done crying whatever" and was talking and took a deep breath and started crying again and right before I closed my eyes looked like she was going to get up, but when I looked back at her she just sat calmly waiting to ask what happened, or some common T response after a client cries.

Yep it is common and it sucks and it would have made me freak out and feel shame, so we talked about it often before I actually cried and told him I prefer comfort, not sure it's common for T's to hold crying clients but he has put the offer out that if I cry again, his shoulder is there...

You could always discuss with her a way for her to react that might make you comfortable?

I’ve had t’s that take the “neutral” posture when it comes to crying. I think the thought behind that approach is that comforting can sometimes communicate “please stop crying”. T’s who believe in this approach want to give you the space to do what you need to do

I personally do not do well with that approach. I too was able to sob into t’s shoulder recently and it was very healing for me I don’t do blank slate very well

It's one of the reasons why I can't for the life of me cry in therapy.

I just saw a new T the other day and was already sobbing! It really doesn't bother me at all to cry there since I figure most people cty there, just some sooner rather than later.

Crying in front of a therapist for the first time can be incredibly uncomfortable, especially because therapists often don't respond to crying the way a "normal" person does. Have you talked about the incident with your therapist? Mine definitely wants to know when I don't feel connected to her so we can talk about what why and maybe find a solution.

I think it could be very helpful if you ask your T why she responded the way she did and if you tell her how you felt in the moment. When I cry, my therapist usually looks at me with what I call Empathy Eyes™, but otherwise doesn't really do or say anything. I usually cry for however long I feel like it and then keep going with whatever I was talking about. I don't think it's awkward for either of us, although it took me a while to get comfortable with crying in front of her.

Mine doesn't react at all. It's like any other conversation, only I am blubbering. I'm not sure what else she could do. It doesn't make me distance from her so much as distance from myself. It's like letting someone else cry and not really caring or feeling anything about it, so in that way I mirror my therapist.

You might like a therapist who's more into empathizing overtly?

OMG that would feel so awkward.................but then again I am about 15 yrs older then they are.