[GeekyOne]

Assuming your T allows out of session contact, why do you contact them then? Aside from scheduling, I guess. Also, if you have multiple ways to contact them, how do you choose? e.g. email, text, phone

My T usually says at the end of session to call her if I need to. I don't know what this means, though I've tried talking about it with her a few times. I know she wants me to call if I am (imminently) "not safe" but even then... I'm not sure. Shouldn't that be a 911 call? (Also, frankly, why do they think I would call before ending my life? If I've decided I'm doing that, I know reaching out would only impede my ability to complete it, but I digress...)

When I'm more depressed I think about calling my T... but she can't do anything. She can't make it stop hurting. I don't know what I would even say. So what would the point be? End result would be me still sad, hurting and alone, but her having lost some of *her* time off. Do it enough and she'll resent me for it. I don't like to present problems that can't be solved, and since that is kind of the definition of me... she should at least get a break and not constantly have it shoved to the top of her mind.

So, if you contact your T between sessions, what for and how? What can they do for you?

[LostOnTheTrail]

I use email to keep her up to date with significant things that happen between sessions, and reach out if I am having a bad time. I emailed today because last week's session ended with something that felt like a bombshell on my part...and it's been sticking around. Now I think she will know what I want to spend our time on next week, and how she can best help me.

[Merlin]

Sometimes T and I plan something in session, like going to a meetup group, and then he tells me to let him know how it went or if I didn’t go, what got in the way. I do that by email and he usually responds that day or the next. I think I texted him once about something too.

I emailed my therapists a lot. More than anything, for me it was a sort of "dumping ground" - to get some of my thoughts and mental intensity out in a way that won't interfere with normal relationships. I did not expect a response or the T to really deal with it but often they responded and sometimes we discussed the content of the emails and my emaling pattern in session. It took my a while and some effort to convince them that I don't email for attention in a way that I want the T to do something or take care of me. It functions as a compromise between journaling/blogging and one-on-one exchange. I know there there is someone reading my momentary mental diarrhea but don't need to overwhelm my friends with it.

Well, when my h was in the hospital at the end of January, one of the days I just wasn't dealing and I so wanted her support so I texted her and asked if she would have time that day for a brief phone call. She said yes she was available right then so I called. She doesn't charge for brief 10 minute or so phone calls. What she did for me was help me get grounded again and get my perspective back. Just hearing her voice was enough to calm me down.

Other things I used to email like when I had realizations post-session. We're in the process of wrapping things up (slowly lol, apparently it takes time to wrap up 6+ years of a powerfully healing therapeutic relationship like ours has been)

[DP_2017]

Because I want to...and he allows it.

Otherwise mostly just if I have a crap session or something I am too scared to say in person, I'll email about that.

[ruh roh]

I think a lot of it depends on the nature of your therapy and what you're working on. From what I've read here, many therapists say that they don't do therapy via email, but my therapist has done some really good therapy via email with me so maybe she is an exception to the rule. I think email or texting can go wrong really fast, so it's important to be careful about it and not fly off the handle if something isn't understood. My therapist does not always reply, but she does a good amount of the time. It's been really helpful. There are periods when I don't email at all and that's great too.

[stopdog]

I used to write the woman by email or just sending her a letter to let her know how she was failing as a therapist then I would write about my sick person like if I was waiting for her during a surgery or something. I did text the woman when I had to tell them not to intubate my person and then a few hours later that she had died. I wanted to tell someone who I did not have to justify it to or explain it like I did with my person's family. I also sent her the eulogy to read to see if it was too gooey. She said it was not but then I checked with a couple of others as I could completely see her lying to me about that. After being with someone almost 30 years, it was hard to tell about the gooeyness from my side.

Now I am writing the second one short stories to help with grief.

[mostlylurking]

Sometimes I email about an insight, or something I forgot to tell him, something that feels important and feels like it would be very hard to sit on until the next session. Sometimes I email because I am distressed (unable or barely able to function normally).

If you have a good relationship with your T while you're in session, it can be nice to know she's still there and knows what's going on with you. It's not that she will have any magic words, but you may feel connected to her a bit more. I think contacting her earlier, before you potentially get to a desperate state, is the better thing to do. I think a lot of clients worry about bothering their T but many of them view out of session contact as truly just part of their jobs.

If you do get to a desperate state where you feel like not being here anymore, it may be that most of you is ready to go but a part of you wants to stay, and that part of you may reach out to her I hope, should things ever feel that bad.

Sometimes I have a reflection on the session I don't want to wait a week to tell him. Sometimes I write a poem I want to send him. Sometimes something happens and I want some support from him (Though I try to avoid using it this way because he's a bit hit and miss with email support).
I only email apart from scheduling when I occasionally text or phone.

[maybeblue]

I'm very cautious about contacting mine between sessions because like you I don't want to be a burden. And I can totally understand when you are depressed and don't really know why, you don't know what to say.

However, I will say that the times that I have done it...maybe 5 times in 5 years, she has been very helpful and she always thanks me for doing it. For me it's usually when something has actually happened...someone said something to me that hurt me, or I just feel really bad.

I always contact her by email, which means I might have to wait a day for a response. I think if it were super urgent I could call her, but something really horrible would have to happen for me to do that. You might ask your therapist if she has an email address that you could use. I find it so much easier to write when I'm feeling bad than to call someone. And then she can respond when it is good for her.

[SalingerEsme]

I write an intentional email before many sessions, bc I get tongue-tied and feel disconnected easily in that situation of one on one time with someone who I at once now well and not at all. Therapy freaks me out in a few ways, but I also want to stay motivated, stay with it, and try hard. There's something consoling about being an individual , having a writing style, an outside life- things that maybe just remind both of us he is not the only one with an inner and outer life.

[toomanycats]

I'm encouraged to contact for any reason.
I'll contact him when I'm in distress mostly.
Sometimes it's follow-up from a session -- something that it brought up or was unresolved.
Sometimes it's nothing more than "I'm having a hard day, and I miss you."

[Anne2.0]

When my H was having lots of complications from Stage 4 gastric cancer (at 46, he only lived 4 months after diagnosis), I spoke often to my T via phone, especially when I had to miss appointments for emergencies. I felt like I was in crisis after crisis, and it was good to have the ability to talk-- rarely for more than 10 or 15 minutes-- to just say this is what has happened and boy this is hard to cope with. Being able to reach him, including after hours and over the winter holidays, was really helpful to me. Outside of that time I have rarely contacted him after hours.

[MoxieDoxie]

This week I decided never to email a T again because I would get giddy thinking they would write back and keep checking my every couple of minutes and if I hear an email come in my I get excited. So when I never hear back I get very depressed and feel lonely and worthless like I am not good enough.

Deciding not to correspond stops all of the above and I function better.

[ElectricManatee]

I can contact my T by phone or email. If I am upset or really depressed, I usually call her to leave a voicemail and she calls me back. I'm surprised at how often she can help just by listening and offering a bit of feedback or empathy. She generally says that she's glad that I reached out and encourages me to call again if I need to. It has helped me open up and learn that I can rely on people, even when I feel like a total mess. It has also showed me that people want to help and that it's okay to ask for support and that good people will not resent me for having emotional needs. This is gradually bleeding over into the rest of my relationships. Sometimes she has other things going on so she might take several hours to call back or she might only have ten minutes to talk, but she makes it very clear that it's not my job to take care of her or to decide how she spends her time. I honestly don't think she minds being there when I need her, and that has been the most astonishing part.

Generally my T only uses email for scheduling or logistical things, but I have tested the waters on using it for getting a bit of reassurance or just needing to know she is there. (Not often, but sometimes.) She has gradually gotten a bit more verbose in her responses. She has even responded well to an angry email (followed up by an exchange that started to repair things), although I think that could go badly quickly if you don't have a strong understanding of each other. But email has been helpful for me to have her words to look at and return to later when I want or need to see them again. So both methods have their place in my therapy, at least.

[healinginprogress]

I only use email. She doesn't text and I hate the phone. I should probably talk about that in therapy. Lol. I email her if I'm feeling bad and can't get out of a funk. Or if something happens that triggers me. Or if I'm stressed and just need to word vomit. It's more like journaling because most times I know she won't respond. She will if I ask, but I try not to unless I really need it. Usually when I've been triggered and can't ground myself. She will also use her clinical judgement if she thinks she should respond even if I don't ask. But that's far fewer.

I was very hesitant to start emailing her, but I'm much more comfortable now.

I like to make contact before the struggle becomes unmanageable though most situations I can handle myself. Usually, I am kvetching about day to day life.I also reach out just because I want and that has been okay with my therapists, especially the last two.

There was a link on the PC couch about it being Cat week:Cheers! It's National Drink Wine With Your Cat Week | abc7.com

I am petrified of cats, but my therapist (and friends) is so in love with the creatures that I sent her the link on Friday, and today she sent:

"Who knew? I'll have one for both of us. The cat is on her own.

Are you getting ready to head back home?"

I am sure I will be okay if my email privileges are taken away, but I know that will never be the case, even when I depend on former therapist to pinch-hit as a therapist.

Because i want to be annoying and i want him to think of me even if it is for 5 seconds. Thats my honest answer. Auite possibly why outside contact was revoked, but i still do it regardless

[SummerTime12]

The times I’ve contacted him have been when I was feeling very suicidal and the 2 times I had contact with a past abuser. I try not to because I don’t want to annoy him, but when it’s a crisis I have no one else to go to.

I continue to contact her out of session because I am a dimwit who can't understand that this boundary shift only makes it more difficult for me to be in relationship with her.

[wheeler]

Yes, she’s fine with me texting or emailing, I don’t think I’ve ever called her. I probably text once every week or two and she responds pretty quickly.

She once called texting my ‘transitional object’ which I was surprised at but definitely makes sense.

[Lemoncake]

Sometimes I just need reassurance.

[velcro003]

I contact mine for several reasons. The most often is e-mail, and usually is me processing a session. I do better in writing than verbal, so sometimes I say things that couldn’t be said out loud, and mostly it is me making more sense of what I was trying to say. Sometimes she responds to these, sometimes not. I am okay when she doesn’t, as those are usually emails more to inform her what was going on in my head, versus actual distress.

Other times I might email because I am having a tough day or night, and it helps to vent that to her. She almost always responds something quick to those.

I rarely text, but it happens when something unexpected happens and I am upset/would like to see her.

Phone calls even rarer. I’m not a huge fan of talking on the phone.

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

This week I decided never to email a T again because I would get giddy thinking they would write back and keep checking my every couple of minutes and if I hear an email come in my I get excited. So when I never hear back I get very depressed and feel lonely and worthless like I am not good enough.

Deciding not to correspond stops all of the above and I function better.

I have given my T soooo many letters and have gotten one hand written letter back. Would I like more? Yes. But it probably wouldnt be as helpful as waiting til a session to discuss it.

But just because the letters may be one way doesnt mean it is worthless to do it. My T tells me he enjoys them and it helps him to know where my head and heart is at. There are a lot of things I can say on paper and not face to face..... so therapy would probably take forever if I never wrote him.

Don't give up writing just because you think it means nothing.