[emeraldheart]

To those who have a difficult time looking your T in the eye while talking, did it ever get easier after a while? i thought it would get easier for me the more I opened up to him.

Yesterday I finally got to tell him a traumatic memory that I've spent months trying to bring up in therapy. I trust my T, but for some reason it's even harder now to look at him.

After 15yrs. No.

[emeraldheart]

Originally Posted by Mouse_62

After 15yrs. No.

Does your T bring it up or point it out to you?

[rainbow8]

Yes, eye contact definitely got better for me. T is big on mindfulness and being present in my sessions. I used to look at her with the corner of my eyes, hard to explain that. As I got to totally trust her, I could look directly at her. Though hard, it feels so good to have that contact. I feel connected to her. She tells me when she feels I am looking through her, and I can change that now. But I'm in my 8th year with my T so that has something to do with it too!

[emeraldheart]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Yes, eye contact definitely got better for me. T is big on mindfulness and being present in my sessions. I used to look at her with the corner of my eyes, hard to explain that. As I got to totally trust her, I could look directly at her. Though hard, it feels so good to have that contact. I feel connected to her. She tells me when she feels I am looking through her, and I can change that now. But I'm in my 8th year with my T so that has something to do with it too!

Thank you! that makes sense. It's only been a few months with my T and it is my very first experience with therapy

[MoxieDoxie]

I make eye contact no problem with the T I feel safe with and does not talk about my past or trauma. We deal with any issues that I had during the week. Now with my new EMDR trauma T that I am not have a great relationship with is a different story. I can not look at him at all! I look at the floor the entire time.

[LostOnTheTrail]

'I trust you...' - whilst looking at my knees. 'Let's try that again...' (shifts gaze to look at her) 'I trust you.'

I still find it hard, but I've 'only' been working with her for a year.

Gets harder depending on what we're talking.

Originally Posted by emeraldheart

Does your T bring it up or point it out to you?

No........ I'm glad.

[junkDNA]

Yes definitely

[jeremiahgirl]

It improved over time, I often felt his eyes were reading my inner thoughts. 🤣

Confidence in my emotions helped decrease this silly thought. I also realized he was watching my eye movements because we were using this form of therapy EMDR he has to see my eyes and body language which gave him clues to my emotions.

Eye contact got better when I grew in confidence of myself.

[DP_2017]

Weirdly enough, I love looking in his eyes... so it's never been a issue for me but if I am trying to talk to him about feelings I'm having related to him, yes I look at the floor or pictures on the wall etc, the shame overwhelms me.... that part hasn't gotten easier yet

[zoiecat]

I've been seeing my therapist for a year-and-a-half I'm just now starting to be able to look him in the eye little bit. But I am trying to make a very conscious effort and it is so difficult. I managed to be able to look at him usually only when he's talking if I'm telling him something no I'm still looking at his shoes or around the room or out the window or anywhere else but at him. Usually everything I tell him it's shameful and that's what makes it so difficult plus the fact that I dissociate all the time and when I dissociate I can never look at him.

[MessyD]

Yes, it did get easier but I also have been consciously challenging myself. I struggle with it when I talk about something shameful or uncomfortable, he says that's my way of hiding. He never said anything for about 2 years, it's only recently that we have been working on it. He prefers I don't hide anymore. It's still difficult for me and I still look away but so far everything I said has been received very well so even if I end up looking down again, I try to go back up and look at him so I can take some of that warmth from his eyes. Sometimes it gets too intense and I look away again. And there's times I still reject him that way. But it has definitely got easier for me in last few months, I'm even surprised myself.

[velcro003]

I’ve been with my T for 2.5 years, and nope-still make no eye contact. She jokes about it sometimes, but she has never told me it is something I should work on or anything like that. I also hide behind a pillow as well, and sit as far away on the couch as possible

[growlycat]

Yes I am much better at eye contact but slip backwards if I am crying or feel ashamed, talking about difficult topics. But I want to see the concern in his eyes so I make myself glance up once in a while.

[nottrustin]

Been with T for 10 years to aome degree it has. In general I am very uncomfortable with eye contact. If I think about it I can make eye contact except when talking about my trauma or sometnokng very emotional.

I never used to be but I'm ok with eye contact now if we are having light conversation, if it's an easy session or whatever. Once we start talking feelings, I stare at the wall or the bookshelf.... anywhere but at her.

[MobiusPsyche]

It did get better but only because I consciously worked on it. I forced myself to look at her at various times, to get around my spacey dissociation that happens in session sometimes. I dissociate far less now and look at her in the eyes most of the time. It took work though, it doesn't just happen naturally. I wouldn't worry about it at the few months mark.... I wasn't ready for consistent eye contact until at least a year in, it takes time for trust to be established.

[malika138]

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

'I trust you...' - whilst looking at my knees. 'Let's try that again...' (shifts gaze to look at her) 'I trust you.'

I still find it hard, but I've 'only' been working with her for a year.

Gets harder depending on what we're talking.

I wish my t would help me with this challenge of not being look at her. I'd to be able to look at her but I cannot. We kinda talk around it.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Yes, it's gotten better. I had to force myself though. I tend to look at people's mouths when they talk, so I had to become aware of that and switch to looking at their eyes.

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by zoiecat

I've been seeing my therapist for a year-and-a-half I'm just now starting to be able to look him in the eye little bit. But I am trying to make a very conscious effort and it is so difficult. I managed to be able to look at him usually only when he's talking if I'm telling him something no I'm still looking at his shoes or around the room or out the window or anywhere else but at him. Usually everything I tell him it's shameful and that's what makes it so difficult plus the fact that I dissociate all the time and when I dissociate I can never look at him.

That's the same as me, I can look at T only when she is talking. If we are talking about daily life stuff I can very briefly glance at her for a fraction of a second while speaking but anything else is spoken to the walls, the window, the floor, the table, and the infinite void that fills the room.

[GeekyOne]

Yes, making eye contact is easier than it used to be. I often can do it if the conversation is light - chit chat at the beginning, for example (not usually at the end of session though, too wound up by that point I guess).

It becomes much harder the "deeper" we go. I have a lot of shame. Most of the time when I'm telling her something hard I look at her shoes out of the corner of my eye. When it's something really hard I have found myself sinking into her couch and putting a hand up to hide my face (while not even looking at her shoes).

I do tend to kind of "sneak" looks at her, though, especially if we're sitting in silence (like while I'm trying to process what she said or vice versa), because it scares me to not know what she looks like (she might be planning to hurt me, I guess?). Sometimes she'll kind of bend her head down to try to make eye contact with me when I do that, and smile or nod or something to emphasize her point but also show she's not going to attack me. She's never said anything directly about eye contact with me though.

[amicus_curiae]

Originally Posted by emeraldheart

To those who have a difficult time looking your T in the eye while talking, did it ever get easier after a while? i thought it would get easier for me the more I opened up to him.

Yesterday I finally got to tell him a traumatic memory that I've spent months trying to bring up in therapy. I trust my T, but for some reason it's even harder now to look at him.

Yes. I was not completely honest with my therapist for a number of years - trust issues, you know. When I decided to reveal all I was able to look him in the eye.

So, as you thought, the more that I ‘opened up,’ it became second nature to look him in the eye. I didn’t feel that I trusted him, though; I just wanted to get a lot of crap out of my head and decided that I’d nothing to lose.

Alas, I have to find a new shrink and therapist, now. And I’m putting it off.

[NativeSky]

In 2 years, it's improved only slightly. A couple of glances here and there. I mostly stare at my knees, my shoes, his shoes, the hem of his pants, his socks. . .he likes colorful patterned socks.

He was very firm once and made me look at him before he responded to something I had said. That was the only time he did that.

Other than that, the only times I have made prolonged eye contact is when I'm upset and confronting him, which has only been a few times.

[calibreeze22]

I had no ability to do this with former T of two years, but new T of a few months took me seriously when I asked for help with it and guides me through ever-increasing breathing and staring exercises that have been helpful. Most helpful I think was that she seems to genuinely want to help me tackle the high amount of stress in my life with actual tools and techniques, and doesn't seem to be quite bored or annoyed with our sessions yet.