I spoke with T about my feelings of being attached to him and wanting him to stay around as a friend after therapy ends. I told him how I hated the fact that I think about things we've said a lot in between sessions and that I know that he doesn't. He said, "I think the world of you." "But, I'm not going to lie to you." He basically agreed with what I said. He told me that we could never be friends because he would always be the one in power.

I knew this intellectually, of course. But emotionally I was a wreck. I spent the whole hour on the couch bawling my eyes out. It was the first time that I have really let out that much emotion in session. There are no words to describe how hurt, how devastated I felt and still feel. I feel so upset, so hurt, so alone, so insignificant, and so empty.

[justpassingby]

I hate to admit it but I totally feel the same things in my heart. It's like I've fallen for my therapist but since I still him once a week I don't think about us never being friends. You brought out something in me that is causing me to think what will I do if he says to me the same things. I am married so it makes it that much harder since my husband is nothing like him and our marriage is on very shaky grounds. Actually it's pretty pathetic because he is the only one who I can talk to about anything except for one best girlfriend. My T knows I am attracted to him physically, but especially emotionally since he is so comforting and kind and never berates me for outlandish behaviors. He totally understands me like no one in my life. However, I realize that I pay him to treat me and with that said he is happily married I assume. But I still can dream. I hope you can eventually find someone else to connect with like you do your therapist in a relationship that's proper. Don't get me wrong I would even in my twisted mind want to have an affair with him if he agreed. See how sick I am. Just what I don't need another complicated mess to deal with. I am telling you this so you know you are not alone out there with having these type of feelings toward your therapist.

Thanks. I do feel alone at times.

[MissCharlotte]

(((Soliaree)))

I find you incredibly brave to go so far into your feelings for T. Of course, I believe we all feel this way, so you are really & truly not alone. You just have more courage than the rest of us.

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"I think the world of you."

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> OMG, I would die for this comment.

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He told me that we could never be friends

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He has strong and clear boundaries. That's good--you must feel very safe with him.

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I spent the whole hour on the couch bawling my eyes out

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Awww ((hugs)) -- I've never been on the couch, do you go there every week?

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after therapy ends

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Are you thinking of ending therapy anytme soon?

I hope you are feeling better.

Sister,
Thank you for your kind words and hugs. I am going through quite a difficult time. I normally do feel very safe with him, but the session triggered something major in me. I ended up getting really angry with him and sending him a scathing email.

Thank goodness, this afternoon T called me on my cell phone. He told me that he will not end therapy until I decide to do so. He said that he was sorry that I was in so much pain. He said that he did not want to refer me to another Psychologist (a fear that I told him in my email) but that he felt that this was one of my major issues from my past that we needed to work through. I don't know what I would have done if he hadn't called. Even though I'm still really hurt, I at least know that he does care. He is the best!

About the couch, that is all he has. I sit on it, though. I'm always upright. And no, I'm not thinking of ending therapy soon - actually not at all. LOL

[DePressMe]

Hi Soliaree, I occasionally get nervous about my pdoc or T abandoning me. When I get like that, they reinforce that they are not going to leave me. We talk about why I feel like they will leave me. Generally, it is feelings from the past--from being abandoned by ones I loved. I really do trust my T and pdoc to be there for me.

DePressMe,
Hey. I do trust both my T and P-doc, but there are some emotions coming up from the past (I guess) that need to be dealt with. It's really sad in a way. I want to beg, "Pleeeeaaase don't leave me, Pleeeasee don't leave me!" but know I need to act my age. Thanks!