Survivors of Unethical Therapy

The person asking for it is the one qualified in my opinion. Certainly the one asking is the only person in a position to determine which help is actually being helpful or not.
I don't agree with the idea that a therapist would know better than a client anything having to do with that client.

OK. That makes sense to me. But then it is up to the person who needs help to specify exactly what kind of help he/she needs? Do you think, if a person is in the middle of a hideous agony, that they can specify exactly what kind of help they need?

My experience with therapy and therapists is that for a long time I didn't know what kind of "help" I needed, and they didn't either.

About 15 years ago I did start trying to find what I thought I needed -- socialization, after mental health difficulties in adolescence and years of going to therapy, thinking of myself as a "mental patient", looking to therapists for "help". (And hadn't I been trained to do that? Yes, I had. Part of my adaptation into young adulthood, under the supervision and/or influence of therapists.)

I went to something I thought might help -- "social therapy". It had it's own off-the-beaten-track ideas, but was not that much help.

After that, I was in some intensive outpatient programs and eventually went to a consultant in trauma and dissociation, who referred me to the last therapist I saw, also a specialist in trauma and dissociation. Trouble is, the unsocialized dissociated parts were too much for her -- how's that for irony? I work so hard to "get in touch" with them, to allow them to "be" in the room, and she can't tolerate them! Despite the best efforts I had at the time. at allowing, containing, and being social/civil about it. Where the ____________ blank am I supposed to learn?!

Rather needless to say, my opinion of therapy and the therapy establishment is that they suck. They aren't interested in examining or looking at their failures -- it threatens their collective ego and social identity as "helpers".

ETA: Of course, some might view the last sentence as a kind of projection. But that still leaves the question -- how does one develop a "healthy", integrated, not-too-defensive sense of self if one didn't develop it naturally in the social environments one had as a kid, teen-ager, and young adult? Whatever my issues were going into therapy, I've tried to the best of my ability to get "help". My view, after a near lifetime of that -- it's on them. My way out of that "swamp" has been peer supports -- first a lot of groups and online forums and now I'm beginning to be able to do some on my own. Not much, not near a lifetime's worth, but it's what I've got. Now is the only time I have a chance of living in. Maybe not much of a chance, but the only one I've got.

Not abandoning no - bc of what the op asked.

I have had counselors say to me (while my abuser was in the room) "well no wonder he treats you as he does - look how he treats you"

Or "you don't know how to treat people"

Or "I have lots of other clients with issues worse than yours. I don't understand why this still bothers you. It was years ago. Get over it." (When speaking on my abuse or rape issues)

Amongst other hurtful things.

I have also had them talk about me to other counselors without my consent.

I just do not trust them.

But yes .. I suppose you can classify one as abandonment bc she decided I was done with therapy after doing something to cause me to feel a constant anger I never felt before and never treating my BPD as I had requested .. so in some ways yes... but that is not my main issue.

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I had to chuckle a bit when I read this - because I can relate SOOO much. Yes, at first the client has no clue what kind of help they need .. but there comes a point where all the book smarts in the world the therapist or psychiatrist or any other psychological professional has - cannot tell more about what "kind" of help is needed than the client bc they know what works and what does not and how they feel and how they do not .. no matter what the books say should be right or wrong. All of us are individuals but they refuse to treat us as such - and that is where the system fails.

I learned to glean what techniques or other simplistic info like that I found worked off of them, speak the language they spoke so I knew how to keep myself out of or get myself into the hospital depending on what I knew I needed, and move to next doc when I exhausted the infonI could get. That was best I.vould do with them. While I did that - I studied to find other things natural or behavioral modifying that may help me - as well as how to do it on my own .. bc I learned the system was not going to help. I use peer strength when I need support. I want another therapist now only to try to glean more info bc what used to work has started to wane .. so perhaps they have fresh ideas. But .. I cannot afford it. So .. here I am. But I will never trust them - however, I care about myself enough to measure out when I need to put that lack of trust to the side for a bit to get help that way - or when I can help myself.

Thanks for the clarification, Crypts. For my own part, if I have gotten better over the years, I feel it is more in spite of most of the therapy I've had, rather than because of it. (With a couple of notable exceptions). Mostly thanks to those lay individuals who have cared about me and been patient with me.

And - it's also true that as I've learned more specifically what type of help I need, I can ask for it more effectively and am more likely to get it.

Not sure I follow. Personally I dont care much why people complain or ask for help. But I do care about professional parasites who exploit such people.

Yes, of course. That goes without saying. The post I was originally responding to had to do with rescuing a drowning person who really didnt want to be rescued. I was trying to say, it’s one thing if the person never asked to be rescued; another if they did.

Shortly after you wrote your reply to Ididit above, another poster started a thread and I jumped to the conclusion that it was you -- your names are somewhat similar and I didn't bother to check. And the topic seemed like it could have been related to your post here. Here is a link

https://psychcentralforums.com/psych...ml#post6525201

I replied on that thread, including:

So, yes, I did want help all those years. And I didn't want to -- couldn't acknowledge or see? -- how the way people treated me, well, maybe that wasn't loving. It was the way things were there, it wasn't overtly horrible, it was my family. . .

Being without a home, now, really, really sucks. OK the home was an illusion -- I lived inside an illusion, I had the illusion that I was safe.

Now I know I'm not safe, and never was. Well, safe for some things -- I had what I needed physically to survive, and was protected in that way. But accepted for who I really was/am? No. and that is a very, very scary situation.

So, it's not that I didn't want help from the people I kept going to, and paying. It's that the defenses or resistances or something were too intense, too ingrained, too unconscious, something. And even though I knew the theory about that kind of stuff, the intellectual knowledge couldn't/didn't touch the emotional stuff, even with my best efforts and conscious choice.

I know and understand that some folks just reject the theories. I don't -- I think there are some good ideas in some of the theories. It's just that they are no where near where we are with regard to quantum mechanics, for instance. And psychotherapy currently is nowhere near physical therapy, for instance -- which can work wonders because the science is more exact and the therapists know what they are doing. Still, when they are not very skilled, if they push too far, they can hurt people. It's just that, then, everybody can know it's the therapist that did it -- not the fault of the person's muscles, for instance. They go into therapy with what they go into.

[Shortly after you wrote your reply to Ididit above, another poster started a thread and I jumped to the conclusion that it was you -- your names are somewhat similar and I didn't bother to check. And the topic seemed like it could have been related to your post here. Here is a link]

Perfectly OK Here Today -- not the first time posters have gotten confused between Merope and me. As a matter of fact I keep wishing I hadn't picked the name I did. It was actually a mistake because I wanted the name of one of the seven dwarves and I thought there was one named Mopey. (There wasn't). Not to speak of it describes the glum attitude I go around with most of the time. Should'a picked Grumpy or Dopey, but it's too late now (sigh). Sorry - slight digression.

Be well....

I should also add that, having read through your complete post (above) you have my deepest sympathy and compassion in regards to your family background. I share some of those circumstances with you, and can absolutely attest to the horror and fright that accompanies a realization that someone you loved and depended upon, did not love you back; in fact, though they may have supported you physically, they did not really know you at all. 😢

I have gotten past all but the parts I literally did not remember until recently .. and 2 things I believe will always affect me in a profound way (which counselors don't understand either) - my mom's death (when I was 12) and adopting out my son (something I sincerely did not want to do but was left with no other "good" choice when I was 7mo along - since I was 17 .. 18 at birth .. n living at home but was told I could not live with a child in my home n my other plans fell thru when I got 7mo. along) .. so those are things that still haunt me. But counselors think thats unthinkable. They also thought it was unthinkable that I would be terrorized by the emotional trauma I endured at home during my teen years - even in my 30s or that differing sexual offenses would affect me for years..

So yea - I just really have no trust in them.

I got through those things much in the same way as you - by myself or with other non-professional people who were compassionate n understsnding n even sometimes had advice.

I did pick up bits n pieces of things I was able to use from counselors though. And now it seems the non-professional peoples advice is the same as what I give others.. so I was hoping to.go to a counselor to see if new info could be had. Its a moot point though. Because it will never happen. I am realizing now my money is always going to be spent. I am never going to have any money for anythinv .. including my health. So.. frig it.

That sounds sad, Crypts. What does it get spent for, if not your health? Is that a pattern that you would like to change, but don't have a clue about how to? One of those things you might check with a counselor to see about, if you had the money?

Maybe some of us could have some useful suggestions, if you would like to start a thread on that? Maybe not, either. But the nice thing about PC is that it is free! and even if often in life you get what you pay for, I do feel that I have gotten way more than I paid for here.

Here Today is right, Crypts - there might be a way , if you wanted it enough. Do you have an idea of what counselor you might like to see?

Nah - I know what it is .. and honestly I have no way around it at this point other than to leave .. which I will not do (for reasons of my own that sound silly to others) .. and yes, I realize what I am saying - it just really pisses me off bc this is something that DID NOT have to happen .. yet it did .. and now its too late bc he does not care that it did, and would be happy to spend the rest of his life in his bedroom so long as he could be away from me in the moments he is not spending money.

Hi
I’m in uk and have experienced a terrible end to long term psychotherapy in the last few months-I don’t really know whether what was done was “unethical” because it was 1 to 1 human interactions but he will not budge in terms of discussing his role/perspective etc and it is way more devastating than I could have believed possible in relation to what took me to him in the first place

Unethical therapy is a redundant term. Therapy is fundamentally unethical.

I also had a bad ending and the therapist could not or would not take any responsibility... until i forced her to some degree.

I believe most of them are either narc types who thrive on the power and adulation, or fragile head cases who can't tolerate failure. In either case the client gets the blame.

I agree with this Budfox,

Therapy is inherently unethical. I agree.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

The forum seems like it has reconfigured on my phone - I’m not sure what I am replying to! I saw my ex therapist for 3 years before she terminated therapy because she wanted to “ explore a romantic relationship.” Unfortunately, during that time she learned so much that she later used to hurt me.

This is horrible. Are you safe and away from your ex therapist?

Oh my goodness. I thought I was the only person in the world. I have ptsd from it.

My heart goes out to you TrainGirl,

If you want, feel free to private message me for support. I am so sorry you have been through this! You didn't deserve it and you are not alone.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

The issue as I see it if its only you and your therapist who is believed. I went to a therapist who raped me but I never complained because I figured me being a mental patient my credibility was zero. It was his word vs mine. Maybe I was wrong with presuming my word against his. However there were no witnesses and therefore noone to confirm how he raped me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mugwort2 The issue as I see it if its only you and your therapist who is believed. I went to a therapist who raped me but I never complained because I figured me being a mental patient my credibility was zero. It was his word vs mine. Maybe I was wrong with presuming my word against his. However there were no witnesses and therefore noone to confirm how he raped me.

A therapist who RAPED you?????