Errrotic Transference Stuff

As some of you know I'm doing a research paper on erotic transference, a subject that I have absolutely no personal investment or experience in. Ummm, yeah. Anyway...

I promised I would update you guys with interesting information that I found out. So far, this has been fascinating The first book I have been reading is called Psychotherapy: An Erotic Relationship: Transference & Countertransference Passion by David Mann

The chapter I am reading now is called: Erotic Transference: Real or Unauthentic? The author is trying to prove that there is no real difference between the feelings of real love and transference love. He states that transference love is completely authentic. This is something that I have struggled with over these last two years of therapy-- wondering if transference feelings are, in fact, 'real' feelings.

I wanted to share with you, something that the author said when making his case that transference love and real love are the same. This really struck me. Here it is:

"It is not the charm of the therapist that is attractive, but what is attractive about the analytic setting-- being listened to and understood, accepted at our worst, not being exploited, all the qualities, in fact, we look for in a lover."

I think this is such an important point, which allows me to see that the feelings are very real.

The author goes on to cite E. Person, another writer who has done a lot of work in erotic transference. Person (comparing transference love to real love) says:

"Just as there is a unique dynamic characterizing the transactions between each pair of lovers, every therapeutic dyad too, had its unique rhythm and tone."

hehe, i'm sure you chose this topic to do your paper on erotic transference because it is something you have never heard of......or even thought of...

are you feeling any better, you managed to do some research and post hear so I hope that means you're somewhat ok

Pinksoil, I am happy for you that at last you can accept your feelings of love for your therapist as authentic. That must have been so hard for 2 years to doubt what you were feeling was real. Doesn't it feel good? Trust your feelings!

I wonder if... If 'real love' is 'just as real' as 'transference love' then... Does that undermine 'real love' somewhat?????

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pinksoil said:
"It is not the charm of the therapist that is attractive, but what is attractive about the analytic setting-- being listened to and understood, accepted at our worst, not being exploited, all the qualities, in fact, we look for in a lover."

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This strikes me too. When my dh and I were having problems I had dreams of taking my therapist into my bed. I told her about it cos I was upset at the ideal of taking a woman to bed - she pointed out that dh and I were having problems and I feel safe and understood with her so it was perfectly natural for me to dream about her. 'BUT' she said, 'no way would she ever do that with me.' She helped me see too that dreams like this were not about sex nor was I becoming a lesbian. I felt validated and protected and more attached to her than ever. [/b]</font>

That is interesting. So, once you get yourself into this love situation, how do you get out of it? That is the million dollar question.

Oh, and by the way, I love the fan. Is that used to cool you off when the transference that must not be named strikes? LOL
Can I borrow it for my session today to cool my anger? I'd really appreciate that

> every therapeutic dyad too, had its unique rhythm and tone

Isn't dyad some kind of weird siren or mermaid or something?

dyad = two people
triad = three people

(or fish instead of people or whatever you like)

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Soliaree said:
That is interesting. So, once you get yourself into this love situation, how do you get out of it? That is the million dollar question.

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I don't think the goal is to get out of it. I think the goal is to relish the fact that you can and do love and to learn to expand that capacity outside the safety of therapy. To love is to really let yourself live life -- you can feel all the different kinds of love. I think love evolves, like everything else. I guess I don't want to get over loving my T, although of course I wish I didn't miss him so much when I wasn't with him. I actually wish I could have these strong feelings for someone else.

It is just that no one else feels safe.