T hurt me

I wrote T an email asking her if i was ok if we talked via phone or email inbetween sessions. I told her i feel like i need her more than once a week and i said when she doesn't answer my emails or doesn't call when she says she will i feel hurt.

About three days later, i hadn't heard back. I was so upset because not only did she not answer me, but she didn't answer the email that said i feel hurt when she doesnt answer me!! i couldnt understand how she could tell me she cares for me and then purposely ignore me. I wrote her another email explaining that.

Well, she wrote back the next day. she seemed angry in her writing, it just didn't sound like her. she said that she had been extremely busy and she needs to live her life, and i need to live mine. she said i had to stop acting like a victim and that its not always everyone elses fault. she said, "you sit around saying poor me. You need a kick in the butt." i couldnt believe what i was reading.

we emailed back and forth the rest of the day and the rest of her emails sounded like her usual self. i asked her if she even wanted me to come in next session because i didn;t want to %#@&#! her off anymore. she said of course she still wants to see me and that even though both of us may be upset it doesnt mean she doesnt like me or doesnt want to work with me. she said she is there for me unconditionally. i just dont know what to do...i'm still hurt by the fact that she STILL never answered that original email, and now i'm hurt at what she said.

oh and in the last email i wrote to her i asked her to please call me before monday(our session) only if she has time. we'll see if she actually does...and monday is going to be so awkward. because i feel sorta upset with her, but i could never be mad at her!! so confusing.

Email can be a difficult way to communicate. I hope everything works out for you. Let us know how it goes?

still haven't heard from her....... why does she do this to me.

I'm wondering what kind of therapist she is; her orientation? It sounds like she might be a behavioral therapist and might not be a good fit for you if that isn't what you're looking for, needing, and wanting.

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krazibean723 said:
I wrote T an email asking her if i was ok if we talked via phone or email inbetween sessions.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">It sounds like you never got the go ahead from her to call or email. Maybe she does not like to communicate with clients between sesion this way. Her email response to you seemed really harsh. I think it would be best to discuss this really important topic--whether it is OK to email and phone her between sessions--when you are in session together. Can you hold on until then? Then your T will have a chance to explain her boundaries to you so that there is no confusion on whether you can email/phone and whether you can expect an answer back.

I am sorry this has been so hurtful for you.

I think the qualifier, "only if you have the time" might not have been a good idea if you really wanted her to call you, especially after she said she was busy.

I was concerned when I read the email that "didn't sound like her" -- do you know if she has a secure e-mail account? It could have been someone else with access to her computer? I would print out and address that e-mail, as ugly as it sounded, right away and make sure she actually sent it. She could have been away, busy, sick, etc. and not even gotten your e-mails but someone else with access to your computer may have. Too, if it was someone else, your T's not going to know you want her to call. I would just make a copy of that one, first, ugly e-mail and ask her if she did in fact send it.

well she never called. and our session is in a half hour. i'm nervous i wanna go in and pretend everything is ok but i know we need to talk about it. for the first time ever i wish i could skippp

well, i survived through session. it actually wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. she asked me why it was hard to hear her be sortof "harsh" like that...i said well i dont really think anyone enjoys that. she didnt really say why she said those things, but she gave me a few options. she said, "maybe it was some tough love, maybe i was just frustrated that day and it showed, just like any other human being, or maybe i was testing your limits to see how much you could handle." she said she thinks sometimes i need a little "tough love", but i also need sympathy and empathy. i'm not sure which, but i don't really care. because she cares, and i know she does. she told me that she'd trust me with her 2 year old son! she said, "i know you have a good head on your shoulders and if my son needed to be taken to the emergency room and i couldn't that you would and you would be able to speak up for him, but if it was for yourself, you wouldn't be able to speak up." so true. and then, the session ended so perfectly i couldn't possibly be mad at her anymore, especially since she just told me she'd be away all next week. . but, we scheduled a phone session. AND, i totally forgot i had mentioned this to her, but when it was over and we both stood up she said, "do you want me to give you a hug?" i practically jumped in her arms and the feeling was amazing. a little unfamiliar, but amazing, and i hope it happens every time. now i just miss her, and i have to wait 2 weeks to see her, and a week before i even talk to her on the phone. unless somehow i can call her sooner. but i'm still in la la land about that hug <3 <3 <3