With alters out and about... I feel light years away from my T... I ask myself.. "why am I in therapy"... for what do I need this..

for the "hope" of being intergrated... for the "hope" of not feeling the pain caused by the abuse...

for the "hope" of what..

may I ask you..... for the "hope" of what? could any of you give me some insight... for why continue on with therapy.. for why I continue to "hope"... and what it is I "hope" for??

No... I cannot answer my own question,,

at this age... I don't know... for years it was the "hope" of having a normal life... one with a SO.. with family... but is not possible anymore...

my family.. gone.. taken away.. within 2 years...

so what... do I "hope" for now???

[ECHOES]

I don't know what it might be for you. But for me it is the hope of feeling better and from there that my life will open up in ways not available to me now.

I can't know what's ahead, but I am committed to the process even on my darkest and most hopeless days.

[Perna]

Yes, we cannot know tomorrow. I was alone and 35 when I met my to-be husband. I'm glad I kept "putting one foot in front of the other" to get there. It was because of my past life experiences, not in spite of them, that I was able to become "myself" and who I am today. If I had not had therapy when I did, when I met my husband I still would not have been ready "for" him, could not have responded to him as I did which made all the difference.

[ECHOES]

((( Perna ))) I love happy endings!

Freewill, it's so hard to find the emotional energy sometimes, but I hope you will choose to keep at it even and especially at times you don't feel much like it.

[MissCharlotte]

((Freewil))

For me, I continue in therapy so that when all my parts are together in me I can experience a sense of wholeness that I have never been able to touch. I hope to feel less fragmented. I hope to remember what I ate for dinner yesterday. I hope to be able to stay in a conversation for a sustained period of time without drifting.

I hope to experience a teeny, tiny, bit of joy and a sense of belonging on the planet.

I hope to be able to take some of the sadness I carry around and disperse it into tiny fragments like I have been.

I hope to find myself in T.

[sunrise]

For me, it is the hope of healing. And of one day, maybe being happy, and dare I say, joyful?

Because of my DID... I do have moments of joy... of love for God.. calmness... happiness...

I have disjointedness... cannot describe to a non DID person.. the severe level that my DID is rated at.. yepper.. on the "scale"... very severe..after 23 years of therapy...

I am in great pain... very great pain..

I have worked within therapy for 23 years.. for the "hope" of intergration.. for the "hope" of figuring things out..

I have a huge.. I mean a huge amount of courage... and a huge amount of strength..

I give myself to others.. that they may have a better life for have known me..it is what I do... it is what God gave to me as a "gift".. so that I can help others in IRL..

I am just questioning... what is there left.. what am I doing..

put yourself in my shoes.. and perhaps.. you will understand.. the hard, hard work.. keeping a family together.. the struggles.. of being DID...of having ED.. PTSD..GAD.. and depression.. on top of the DID..

I am guestioning.. if it is time for me to give up... when the giver.. wants to be the receiver.. in IRL...

again.. I am talking about IRL... my IRL... so that none are offended here at PC - you have all given.. and given and given...and I am very thankful..

Each of us has a "real life"... and it is that for which I am struggling....purpose.. meaning.. love.. all of it..

I don't think that there is an answer that anyone can give me.. I know.. I have to find the answer.. I just don't have it..

am feeling.. unsettled.. my alters out and about.. and nothing feels "connected"..

and so that I don't go thru this again here... I put this post in this forum...because I am really wondering.. why therapy??? why continue... just why .. what benefit.. at my age??