[goatee]

Has anyone been tempted to lie to their T so as not to disappoint them? My T has been working hard with me to stand up for myself in certain relationships, even going out if her way to call me this week to help me deal with a situation at work in a more healthy way. Now I’m going to see her tomorrow and she’ll ask what I did and I don’t want to disappoint her and tell her I didn’t speak to my coworker the way we discussed it ssk my boss for a meeting. She’ll tell me she’s not disappointed in me, that she’s disappointed for me. But I know she’ll be frustrated and sad. I’m also scared that because she went out of her way this time giving me extra support on the phone and I still couldn’t have the discussion with my colleague, that next time she won’t bother to give me that extra support. I know it’s awful of me, but I don’t want to lose that from her and I’m really tempted to lie about it to her. Just wondering if anyone has been in this situation and what you’ve done.

[nottrustin]

I was often tempted to lie, however, I realized that the only person to be hurt by the lie was myself. It would mean thay we didn't work through it after the fact. I also realized that we had a mutual trust. She always knew that I would be as honest as possible.

[SalingerEsme]

I relate to this so much. I skipped my first session ever partly bc I saw the one person it is stressed over and over by my T not to see. I didn't want to lie, but I didn't want to tell him. Unfortunately ( or fortunately) about the second sentence he said was you saw xyz didn't you? I created my own problem, then made it worse.

I wouldn't lie bc then you will just go through a process ad eventually add you lied lol, and she might intuitively know anyway (?).

[MessyD]

I get the need, but I would ask myself who's really going to be disappointed at the end?

[maybeblue]

What will make you feel worse? Telling your therapist the truth, even though she might be a little disappointed, or having a lie between you that you now need to protect? My guess is that initially you'd feel worse telling the truth, but in the long run you'd feel a lot worse because of the lie. At least I know that's the way I would be.

What about telling her that you tried, but you weren't able to do it *yet*. Or you weren't able to do it *this time*. Then tell her that her calling you was really nice and you appreciate it, and that you hope that next time that you'll actually be able to follow through. Try not to feel too bad. Learning to be assertive is not an easy process at all.

[mcl6136]

I'm not gonna lie. I've lied to every therapist I've ever had. Sometimes I admit it in the end; sometimes not.

I'll probably do it again.

I don't know that I am capable of lying to her. I want to sometimes, but I haven't been able to yet. Next week is going to be another really difficult session like the one we just had on Thursday and I know I am going to be tempted to lie just to make it easier and so that she isn't so disappointed in me like I know she is going to be, but I won't do it. I really don't think I am capable of it like I said.

[Ididitmyway]

I never even considered lying to a T because that would've been a waste of my money and time. What's the point of therapy if I can't talk about everything I need to talk about and if I can't talk about things exactly as they are? I was in therapy to do the work that would benefit me, not to make a T like me.

[winterblues17]

While I don't lie to her, I do sometimes try to underplay certain thoughts and feelings although that never lasts and normally after a few minutes I will tell all!
I think I just struggle sometimes and feel like I'm a constant downer, every week answering that I'm sad or mad seems to feel a little self pitying, but like I said it never lasts and normally all comes out!
I think I'm too honest sometimes though in truth, I can't believe some of the things I do actually say, and I do sometimes worry that I'm disappointing her or things. Although thankfully she's never shown that, only just supported me through the errors I appear to be making in life lately.
However I know next session I've gotta go in and admit again to something that I'm sure is gonna be another disappointment, another failure. For a split second I think maybe I just won't say, but that's why I'm there I suppose, that's the place I do get to say the truth even if the truth hurts sometimes.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I lie a lot in real life. And sometimes I feel like lying in therapy would be easier as well and I'd rather do that than talk about the actual facts. But I try really hard not to lie on purpose. If I don't say the truth then how should my T help me find the best way to live my life?

I get that feeling. I have been tempted to go in and lie frequently but, as someone pointed out, the only person I am hurting when I do that is myself. I do struggle with holding some feelings back from her though so I guess that is a lie of omission if you want to get technical. Usually I dont realize what I am doing even though but when I do, I find a way to bring that up too. *sigh* In general, I try to be open and honest though. I'm not paying to make her feel better about herself and I'm paying to talk about hard stuff and have her help me work it out and she can't do her job if I can't say what I need to.

I would recommend telling her the truth but also tell her how difficult it was to admit. It could be illuminating for both of you.

[nicoleflynn]

You aren't in therapy to make your t feel any particular way....It is your feelings that count; if you lie, how will YOU feel?

I lied to my Ts when I felt too ashamed about not being able to change something or not wanting to change something obviously destructive. To mask lack of effort. Not really about feelings that I was aware of.

[Moment]

I wouldn't lie. I'd say how hard it was to tell the truth and then tell the truth.

Do you feel you have to do certain things, be a certain way, for your therapist to care for you? Is that a feeling you have had about other people in your life? That is worth exploring in therapy. Is your fear of "disappointing" people and losing their love making you unable to have a real, open, honest relationship with them?

The other thing is, there are probably reasons you didn't have the discussion with your coworker you had planned. Did you really want to? Or were you agreeing to just so you wouldn't "disappoint" your therapist? Or, is it that you did want to and just couldn't for some reason that you have not yet overcome?

All of this is such important stuff to talk about. If you lie, you'll talk about none of it. And you will prevent real engagement and intimacy by hiding the truth and having a relationship not based on who you are but based on a "false self" you are creating for someone else. Maintaining the false self is no fun and doesn't get you close to people.

[annielovesbacon]

I do lie to my therapist sometimes, mostly because like you said, I don't want her to be disappointed in me. Although by "lie" I generally mean I don't tell her something I really ought to tell her.

But as others have mentioned, lying doesn't hurt anyone but myself. Being honest is often painful and/or embarrassing but if I hold things back then I won't make progress.

Originally Posted by Moment

Do you feel you have to do certain things, be a certain way, for your therapist to care for you? Is that a feeling you have had about other people in your life? That is worth exploring in therapy. Is your fear of "disappointing" people and losing their love making you unable to have a real, open, honest relationship with them?

Wow. That really struck a chord with me. Thank you for that.

[wanttolivebetter]

I've thought about just not coming anymore because I felt like she judged me for not doing certain things my anxiety prevented me from doing. Sometimes I think she thinks I just use it as an excuse to get out of being an "adult," and that's painful because that's what everyone else in my life thinks. If it's between lying and just not going anymore, I'd choose the latter. What's the point in lying to get her praise on something I didn't actually accomplish?