Couch 171: Scams R Us

This is my favourite Hugh Laurie video

I wrote a full page of stuff for my therapist, but I'm scared to let him read it in session today. I'm afraid he's going to see it as a one big criticism of him, but it's not. There has just been some things between us that are getting in the way. What to do?

I felt that. That I didn't want to criticise him today and I told him so. He said "but you pushed through and told me anyway. I'm glad you did". I think it's important to be honest and not to worry about T's feelings too much.

Have you seen The Night Manager miniseries on Amazon Prime? It’s an adaptation of a John LeCarre spy novel and Laurie is the villain. Recommended.

On a totally random note, I'm at a taphouse doing some work, waiting for them to be done replacing tires on my car nearby. They're airing the England World Cup match, and it's truly fascinating to me how the other patrons can do the "Ooohhhhhhh!" in unison, like the exact same tone and duration.

Oh, I should check into that! And I have Amazon Prime.

I am rooting for Croatia as it is closest to Greece. Also I know a Croatian soccer cheer and don’t get to use it very often.

People are watching me over my webcam. I stuck some cardboard over it with sticky tape and it's not sticking properly

Well then, we are adversaries for the next ten minutes

Ooooooooo I think this is very important and it's amazing that he realized it.

I'm very proud of you for bringing up your feelings about him and his reaction to T1.

I was woken up by someone shouting along to the world cup match. I actually hope England win.

Thank you! It was a really meaningful session all round. He seems to have some fear that I will feel the same about him as I do about T1. I found myself wanting to reassure him and he said I dont need to.

My T seems to be deeply satisfied when I express dissatisfaction with her. I raised a very mild complaint in session the other day, and she said later on that she would "like to hear more." Except I don't think there's much more to it. It's an odd dynamic.

She said once that when she supervises student therapists, they get really nervous when their clients get angry with them, and she tries to tell them in supervision that it's great that their client trusts them enough to express their anger. I still kinda don't think it would be fun, though. Important, maybe, but not fun.

For me it kinda felt like he cared more about the money than me when I told him I couldn't afford three sessions a week long term. (Each company in the UK has to file it's accounts that is freely available online- I saw this years and he did make a larger profit than last year.)

The idea of wanting a plan whilst he was a was nothing more than an excuse to just be unhappy with him and meaningless . It was also his pretend line, that bugged me. So apart from the holidays we're just pretending that he's there for me outside of session.

I wanted him to step up and show me that he cared rather than just tell me that he did. Why bother asking me what I need if he wasn't going to listen? I asked for email contact over a month, but wouldn't have expected everyday in depth analysis over text.

T previously told me when we first started that he felt with him and even with my best friends I didn't express negative emotions when I had every right too. It is a safety thing.

Were you able to say you felt this way or would you be able to?

I'm massively nervous about therapy tomorrow. On the last day the hours always drag. DH on tenderhooks over football. I feel a bit bad that I'm just not interested at all and just obsessing about therapy. Need to get a grip and be more interested in real life than therapy.

Perhaps it's linked to your Phd program, but I think it's more linked with feeling more in control of things.

Is it blinking or lit up? If not nobody can see you.

I'm not planning on seeing him for a while.

I'm not a huge football fan either and it's perfectly okay to have separate interests to your DH.

I cover my webcam too.Usually with the back end of a sticky note, ever since I watched the movie Snowden.

A thin piece of foil is better, as it's more mouldable and has enough weight to stick around .

It's not blinking or lit up but I believe people can see me through it

For me, telling the therapist I was angry or frustrated at them was not because I trusted them. It was because I did not count them as real people in my life. They were expendable. Their line about it shows they are trusted just makes me laugh -it is how they delude themselves and keep themselves safe from the consequences of their screw ups in my opinion.

I did not realize the world cup was still going on.

Final is on Sunday. France vs Croatia

Lemoncake, it comes across like this
S: I need you and i hate that I need you.
R: I can't hear you.