[justbreathe1994]

It’s that time of year again, when therapists go on vacation and those of us with intense attachment struggle and try to distract ourselves from missing them too much (okay it may just be me...). I already posted about mine going on vacation, but I thought I’d make a more general discussion thread for anyone who needs support! What do you struggle most with while your T is away? What are some helpful ways you cope with it? Is posting and checking in on PC helpful?

[CantExplain]

Great idea!

[WishfulThinker66]

As long as my T/P provide me with an on call T/P who will handle things in their absence I am okay. Yes, it wouldn't be quite the same as talking with my own but I feel better knowing help is there should I need it.

[toomanycats]

Mine is on vacation this week. I'm doing rather well, actually - the anticipation of it was worse than the event itself. I AM seeing my group therapist individually today though since my T is out of town, but that was a last-minute change...she's an ED specialist, and I'm doing something pretty intense food-wise (Whole30), so I thought it'd be a good idea to talk to her specifically about that.

[DP_2017]

In over a year that I've seen him, he's never been gone more than a few days. Never effected my sessions other than a few sick calls but I go to go once he was back....

However he waited so long to use his vacation time this year, he has no choice but to take a week off in August and I'm already beyond anxious. I can see me getting really angry with him and possibly never going back.

I'm hoping he allows some sort of contact in that week. I've never gone a week without some type of contact, since I've seen him. I'm dreading this all so much.

It is unfathomable to me to be so vulnerable in an attachment that not seeing my therapist for a short period would cause dread or what sounds to be some kind of existential crisis. I envy those of you who can be so open to the idea of dependency in the therapy relationship. You must be brave.

I am happy to not see mine for extended periods. Indeed, my preference would be to only have email contact, but the lady is not for turning. "The relationship IS the therapy, SorryNorma!!“

[imnotbroken]

Next Tuesday is my last session with T before she takes a break for 2 weeks. I'm planning on using the time I would be in session to write a journal with things I would be talking about with her. Let's see how that goes.

[Kk222]

I'm dreading it, we have two more sessions then a six week break :-(

[DP_2017]

Nothing to envy norma. Attachment is awful. I also hate changes in my routine. I think that's the biggest issue for me.

[musinglizzy]

My T is on her second two-week break this spring/summer.... I usually struggle with breaks, but I'm kind of angry with her right now and fed up with therapy so this break is fine. Maybe I should be angry with her more often! LOL

[Merope]

Mine is going away for three weeks soon...it’s making me feel anxious but as long as I know he’s coming back, I think I’ll be ok. Up and down, but ok. I’m happy that he’s taking a break, he’s only human and needs time to do his own thing. Not seeing him for three weeks isn’t going to be easy though.

[LonesomeTonight]

Mine's away for 5 days, and I'm struggling. It seems so pathetic, but I think it's because I've been seeing him twice a week lately. He seemed understanding and said he'd still be checking e-mail at least once a day, so it's OK to reach out if I need to. I really think another part of why I'm struggling with this is that until a few months ago, I'd been seeing a T (either this one or ex-T), plus ex-marriage counselor (though didn't see him that often early this year as we were winding down). So usually, if one was away, the other was still in town, so I'd see one of them at the usual time. And both allowed outside contact, so I could contact the one still in town. Felt like someone was always there. I know now I'm still dealing with termination from ex-MC, like basically grieving it, so it makes this even harder.

At least T seems understanding about it this time--I guess as we've talked more about attachment and stuff. He was away for a week in February and he seemed puzzled that I was upset he was going away, didn't understand why it bothered me that he wouldn't give me any idea of where/why he was going (ex-T and ex-MC always said if asked), said "thank you, that's nice of you" when I said in an e-mail that I'd miss him, and then concluded that e-mail with "Have a fabulous week!" Which...sure, he was going to have a fabulous week whatever he was doing, but then I was going to be back here struggling. So it led to a bit of a falling out (with a last-minute half session before he left), but he seems to get it much more now. I think he's just not used to attached clients (or at least to clients telling him about their attachment...) Now he knows how to handle me better!

[precaryous]

Just saw mine this afternoon and she will be gone two weeks.

I’m happy for her because she probably needs it.

I haven’t dwelled on it too much yet but I already miss her.

[Lemoncake]

My T is supposed to be away from the 1st of august till the 27th which will be our longest break, but overall break number 4 in 19 months.

Maybe I'm just bitter right now, but I feel T's should take more responsibility for their clients especially for those who are stupidly attached often with childhood trauma and abuse. It's not the same as a doctor going away for them. By all means T's should take holiday time but just make sure that they put a safety net in place whilst they're gone. Arrange another T to cover, go over a safety plan, just in case numbers or would it really kill them to set some time reaching out to said clients at a specific time who after all did help to pay for this wonderful holiday?

I don't feel like my T listened to my concerns and fears about him going away, despite us making a deal that he would have a plan in place for me the next time he went away in lieu of me not acting out. But in our last session he said he felt my request for a plan was a cause to rally behind and felt meaningless to him and an excuse to be unhappy. He asked what I wanted previously- I said email contact, but would have settled for a single letter. Emphasis was placed on him being on a break- his needs coming first not mine.

When he first announced this holiday he told me that he normally just went away and that was that. That his other clients usually were okay with it as that's when they went away too. He said that I was a "special case", if I'm so special why won't he take better care?

If handled badly I think breaks do nothing more than just emphasis previous old wounds.

[LostOnTheTrail]

Yes, absolutely.

'If handled badly, I think breaks do nothing more than just emphasise previous old wounds.'

She's not on holiday, but has been off sick for three weeks...same same in my head. I'm left feeling pretty much as I did with P...unheard.

[LonesomeTonight]

My T said something interesting when I asked if he'd be checking e-mail during his 5 days out of the office. He said he hadn't set up anyone to check his messages, so that meant he'd be checking both e-mail and voicemail. I asked what he meant about having someone check them. He said if he was going to be away and unable to access e-mail or voicemail, that would constitute client abandonment, unless he had someone else checking them for him. I hadn't heard that before, and it really surprised me.

I mean, with my ex-T and ex-MC, they always told me who the backup T was at the practice when they were out of town (and I think ex-MC used to check his messages anyway), but never said they'd have anyone else actually checking their messages--unless that's what they meant? I'd certainly want to know if someone other than T would be reading my messages (I assume another T!) if he'd be out of town, since I'd be much more careful in what I said. So I'll be sure to confirm with him in the future.

But I just found it interesting that he'd think of it as "client abandonment" if someone couldn't reach him (or a backup) for 5 days, since it seems like many other posters have T's who go away for weeks and don't allow any sort of contact. Maybe it's partly because he's in solo practice without any sort of receptionist, unlike ex-T/ex-MC, who could, say, pass me on to another T in case of emergency? I don't know...

[ElectricManatee]

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

When he first announced this holiday he told me that he normally just went away and that was that. That his other clients usually were okay with it as that's when they went away too. He said that I was a "special case", if I'm so special why won't he take better care?

If handled badly I think breaks do nothing more than just emphasis previous old wounds.

And conversely, I think vacations handled well can be part of the healing process. But that can be tricky to accomplish.

I find it odd that more therapists don't seem to recognize that vacations can be hard for a lot of clients. Even clients who are not intensely attached are in therapy for a reason and are not likely to welcome the disruption, especially if they have a lot going on in their lives at the time.

My T said that vacations are complicated because it's hard for clients who don't want her to go, but it can also be a bad sign if the client doesn't care at all that she's leaving (weak therapeutic alliance, etc).

[DP_2017]

EM

I don't really agree with that weak alliance thing. Not every T and client have anything that meaningful. Some people are easily able to keep that "professional" sense and leave it at the door so to speak, and go out and be with family and friends like normal. They need their T to talk to and know their words are safe in the room, nothing more.

I don't think my T has any alliance really with clients who just start or are a few sessions in, those ones are not likely to care much at all...unless like you said, they have issues with routine changes, which is one of my problems

My T has told me and no other clients yet as he doesn't even have set dates, he will tell them when he knows so they have a week or two to prepare...I've got at least a month, he knows I will struggle and is working early with me on it....HOPEFULLY allows some kind of contact during, like many T's do... it will be my first time in 16 months of having no contact with him for a week if not.... THAT routine change, will be why I struggle the most....

[SalingerEsme]

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

My T is supposed to be away from the 1st of august till the 27th which will be our longest break, but overall break number 4 in 19 months.

Maybe I'm just bitter right now, but I feel T's should take more responsibility for their clients especially for those who are stupidly attached often with childhood trauma and abuse. It's not the same as a doctor going away for them. By all means T's should take holiday time but just make sure that they put a safety net in place whilst they're gone. Arrange another T to cover, go over a safety plan, just in case numbers or would it really kill them to set some time reaching out to said clients at a specific time who after all did help to pay for this wonderful holiday?

I don't feel like my T listened to my concerns and fears about him going away, despite us making a deal that he would have a plan in place for me the next time he went away in lieu of me not acting out. But in our last session he said he felt my request for a plan was a cause to rally behind and felt meaningless to him and an excuse to be unhappy. He asked what I wanted previously- I said email contact, but would have settled for a single letter. Emphasis was placed on him being on a break- his needs coming first not mine.

When he first announced this holiday he told me that he normally just went away and that was that. That his other clients usually were okay with it as that's when they went away too. He said that I was a "special case", if I'm so special why won't he take better care?

If handled badly I think breaks do nothing more than just emphasis previous old wounds.

I agree with you, and feel too that T's taking absurd vacation time is irresponsible, especially if they don't cover their practices. I can't remember the last time I took a vacation. I get self care, but many T's seem to not work as much/hard as other professions. I think I poisoned my own mind by listening to podcasts by T's for T's. It would hurt my feelings to be compared to other clients.

[pepper_mint]

I've just started my 4-week break ( and I have sessions twice a week)
It's a really long break for me, last year there were "only" two weeks.

A month ago (when I found out) I was sad, angry, afraid etc. (I felt a lot of emotions).
However, during the last session, I was fine. I thought that I'll focus more on work, maybe I'll be analyzing my life by myself a little bit and just do other things and it's good to take a breath from time to time.
But when the break started I realized that I miss my therapist, I have a lot of new thoughts I'd like to discuss and I have to wait the whole month!
Also, I feel like a loser, because T. is going away and I could do the same - take a break, relax. But I can't because I have anxiety/agoraphobia and at the moment it's not possible for me :-/

Well, I hope that it will get better. I'll try to focus on my emotion and really feel them (even when they are difficult) during this time, so I could discuss them later with my T.

But still.. 1 month on my own!

[Lemoncake]

Originally Posted by pepper_mint

I've just started my 4-week break ( and I have sessions twice a week)
It's a really long break for me, last year there were "only" two weeks.

A month ago (when I found out) I was sad, angry, afraid etc. (I felt a lot of emotions).
However, during the last session, I was fine. I thought that I'll focus more on work, maybe I'll be analyzing my life by myself a little bit and just do other things and it's good to take a breath from time to time.
But when the break started I realized that I miss my therapist, I have a lot of new thoughts I'd like to discuss and I have to wait the whole month!
Also, I feel like a loser, because T. is going away and I could do the same - take a break, relax. But I can't because I have anxiety/agoraphobia and at the moment it's not possible for me :-/

Well, I hope that it will get better. I'll try to focus on my emotion and really feel them (even when they are difficult) during this time, so I could discuss them later with my T.

But still.. 1 month on my own!

Peppermint your feelings are very very normal. Missing your T doesn't make you a loser, for most of us our T's are the only people we have for support. You have to go at your pace- where you are right now is perfectly okay. In the same way it would be impossible to run a marathon without proper training.

[Mountaindewed]

It seems like mine is constantly on vacation or just taking days off. I called 3 weeks ago, and her voice mail said she would be gone for a week. I called Sunday, and she called me back saying she had no openings because she was taking a few days off. Seriously? Then she magically pulled an opening out of her butt because she found a time to meet with me after going back and forth for 2 minutes about not having anything.

Sigh.

[LittleAfrica]

Mine is back. Session today. Feel so apathetic about it. Still trying to decide whether to no show or not. Too late to give the required 24 hours notice anyway. Guess I'm still bitter I wasn't given notice when therapist decided to up and leave two weeks ago.

[imnotbroken]

Aaaand, T's 2-week-break begins..... now.

Let's see how I'll manage that.

[ElectricManatee]

I'm about a month out from my T's nearly two-week vacation. She has offered to do a phone session or two while she's gone, which I mostly want but find myself oddly reluctant to accept. We've been talking about how I felt about other times she has been gone and how I feel about it this time. It's bringing up a lot of stuff for me around abandonment and feeling like a burden, which is pretty painful but ultimately helpful.