[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by stormyisland

Haven't got anything very helpful to say but just sending hugs. That must be so hard? Were you able to tell him at all how difficult and frustrating you found him telling you so late and time being longer than you thought too? Have you got things you could plan for yourself for those two weeks to keep you busy?

Sort of but not really. I was in shock and trying to figure out how to react. I did say I wish he told me fri, Fri is our usual check in day and he said he knew then. He asked why it would have mattered and I said, I could mentally prepare. Could have had a better discussion ready but no, you just did this suddenly. All he said was "Ya" He was quite quiet too. The thing is, without too much info here but he was completely open with me about WHY he's being forced to take it and where he is going etc. I feel for him, its a ****** situation and he did say he didn't want to go on a Wed.... he wanted to wait until mid aug but this is what was best for clients as far as their vacations etc too and his boss is making him go now. She is the reason he can't contact. She wants him cutting work out completely on this trip. At any rate, it's still hard and I just keep thinking well, after this, he's gonna force me to go bi weekly and never allow outside contact again since I "Survived" and it makes me ill because I have no choice really.

As for what to do, no. I don't have local friends and my family sucks. I usually just work and hang out with my dog. I'll just do that and get sucked into tv or something. I think our "connection" we had is gonna be over though. I can't see this feeling the same at all anymore.

[stormyisland]

What do you all think about emailing my t? So it's me who's gone on holiday and not her. We've never discussed between sessions/email contact. I've once told her I really wanted to email her between sessions when I was struggling but that I didn't do it because we'd not talked about whether it was ok for me to do that or not. She didn't make any comment about it at all but just asked about other things around how I'd felt and what I had thought about.

Now it's day 7/19. I'm back home next week but because of my work and her attending training we couldn't find a day that would suit us both until the week after. I'm really really struggling. I start crying about the slightest thing and am constant sleeping. My family has taken over looking after the children because their whining and arguments are constantly making me cry. I feel like a total failure and like I'm ruining my children's life and my family's holiday. They've all been lovely and supportive. I'm like something rotting in the room. I'm constantly having suicidal thoughts but would never do that to my children which makes me feel even more trapped. I don't feel like anyone else understands it the same or can say the right words like t does. I desperately want to email her but don't know whether it's ok or not. She never said it wouldn't but didn't encourage it either. I feel so stuck and two more weeks is a long time to wait for the next appointment. I don't know how to help myself in the meantime and we never really discussed any little things I could do to help myself.

Also I'm constantly analysing the fact that she's promised to write this letter that's actually part of this type of therapy and she's now told me three times she'd write it for next time and never has. This is obviously affecting how I trust her and makes me a bit paranoid about whether she's reliable or whether it's just because she doesn't find me interesting enough to bother with. Also it was meant to be timelimited therapy. I told her initially I struggled with that idea and she said she could be flexible. Now we've almost done the amount of sessions she normally does with other clients and I'm worse if anything. Just leaves me wondering what on earth is going on? It's felt to me like she is very good at what she does but I'm just puzzled. And I don't feel like I can sit on all of this and how I feel for two more weeks. Or maybe I just have to.

[stormyisland]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

As for what to do, no. I don't have local friends and my family sucks. I usually just work and hang out with my dog. I'll just do that and get sucked into tv or something. I think our "connection" we had is gonna be over though. I can't see this feeling the same at all anymore.

Why do you feel like it wouldn't feel the same anymore? I think it's good that it wasn't him just wanting a holiday, planning it for ages and still only telling you last minute. It sounds like it's pretty understandable and you seemed to think that yourself. So there's no reason you would need to feel differently towards him or your relationship or work together. You could resent his boss though.. and when you return you can tell him how much you've struggled and that you don't feel it was very good or therapeutic in any way and that you wouldn't have coped better if you could have had contact and would much prefer that in the future. I can't see why he would drops sessions or in between contacts if you've "managed". Could you make like a timetable for yourself.. like Monday.. visit library. Tuesday swimming. Or whatever you like doing. Might be a totally stupid idea. Things like that help me a little bit but might not be useful for you.

[DP_2017]

I can try but not much I really enjoy doing. I'm very much a loner. I will be writing a lot and probably writing some of how I felt about this. He did tear up when I did and I feel like he is feeling ******, he told me, I'm the only client he sees that worries something will happen to him and he is concerned about me..... but it just feels like the connection has been kept because of the contact, not sure how it will feel without. I am gonna tell him to next year please don't wait until the last minute so you are stuck doing all 2 weeks at once. He told me Wed and the week before he would not do 2 weeks. He actually has told me the entire time I've been there he'd never do that to clients. Now he is.... so I'm just struggling with that. Feels like massive abandonment. I do resent his boss and he suggested her as a alternate for when he's gone, no thanks. I'd rather not walk in raging at her.

[Fuzzybear]

go on vacation as often as you want to,

Just don’t abandon me and blame me when I’ve done nothing wrong

[coolibrarian]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

That's really scary. During the times when you can't speak, can you write? If so, maybe write out what's going on first, then bring a notepad or something where you can write responses to questions, if you're concerned about speaking to PCP. You could do the same with T, too. I know you mentioned that they ruled out Lyme, but many tests miss it, so it could still be that (one of my friends had chronic Lyme and had difficulty getting a diagnosis). If you have no luck with your PCP, you could try an integrative doctor, since they'll do different tests. Good luck!

Thanks for this. I'm happy to say that the shakiness is practically gone, and my speech is back to normal.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

Thanks for this. I'm happy to say that the shakiness is practically gone, and my speech is back to normal.

Glad to hear that! Hope it stays gone.

[DP_2017]

Day 1. I'm already feeling distant and abandoned. Hoping this trip helps him de stress though but i can see me being forced to go bi weekly and ban outside contact now. Sigh...

[ruh roh]

Mine is leaving tomorrow. I saw her yesterday and forgot to even talk about this. Should be fine, though, now that I have one health worry off my mind.

[starfishing]

My therapist will be on vacation next week. It doesn't feel like a huge issue in and of itself--it's pretty short, he deserves to take time off, and I'll also be gone half the week and likely would have had to cancel one of my usual sessions anyway.

But I can't shake the fact that the last time he took more than a few days off, what was planned as two weeks unexpectedly turned into a six week absence. I know there was an emergency and the situation was both entirely reasonable and different than this one, but part of me is still on-edge worrying that I'm going to have to deal with something like that again. And while on the one hand I'm having a much easier and more stable time in my life overall than I was when the six week hiatus happened last year, on the other hand therapy has gotten so much more intense. I'm sure talking about this will be productive and useful, but I am really not looking forward to talking about it. And I know I won't really believe he's actually coming back until I walk into his office after the break.

[coolibrarian]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Glad to hear that! Hope it stays gone.

I had my first post-t-vacation session today. Not only were most of those symptoms gone, but I did most of the talking. I'd been anxious that the attachment/connection would be different. It was the same as before.

[DP_2017]

CL

I'm sorry I missed this but how long was your break and did you have any contact? I'm worried the connection will change too but your reply gives me hope

[Lemoncake]

I have two sessions with T left. Today and on tuesday before he is away for 27 days.

[Fuzzybear]

“Have a nice life/long vacation T “ (sorry about the sarcasm
This is about a “bad” / sub optimal T (in real life)
So many bites so many wounds so thanks a freakin bunch “T” (in real life)

[malika138]

I missed t for four weeks because of my traveling and then last week she was out. Today she said, "Don't be mad at me but I am away for the entire week of Aug 13th." I thought it was so strange for her to say, "don't be mad at me..." She did say that she tried to arrange her traveling to occur when I was traveling, which also seemed like an odd thing to say. Isn't it great when t tells us part of what is in their mind, but not all?

For the past week I have felt anxious about going back after so much time. I posted here. And I finally emailed T. She said it would not be weird (my word in email) but just seem familiar. Today's session did seem mostly familiar...

[coolibrarian]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

CL

I'm sorry I missed this but how long was your break and did you have any contact? I'm worried the connection will change too but your reply gives me hope

The break was two weeks and there was no contact. I

[DP_2017]

Day 3 is now underway.... our usual check in day and it wont be happening. Sigh.... at least it's a beautiful day outside so I can spend a bunch of it in nature and trying to relax. still sucks knowing there is over a week to go yet though

CL--- good to know, it gives me hope.

[alstroemeria]

My T is going to be away from the 9th to the 30th of August. Twenty-one days. He gave me more than a month's notice but it still felt sudden somehow.

I am going to ask him where he's going. He might tell me. I'd like to be able to place him in the world while he's away.

Ugh... I will miss him.

[MoxieDoxie]

Mine is away next week but I never leave myself high and dry. I have another T that I see every now and again that I was seeing before this T. His style is different, he is laid back and does not care I see another T. He we tie me over until main T returns.

[DP_2017]

Day 3 is ending (Thankfully).... Spent a lot of today, reading my journals about previous sessions and writing. This is gonna get really tough, I can see it now

[imnotbroken]

This Tuesday will be the last one before T comes back from her break. I've been doing ok (mostly), and she made it clear on the last session before she went on this break a couple of weeks ago that I could text her whenever I needed.

This weekend was tough. I miss her. I wish I could text her, but not because I'm handling something extremely difficult at the moment, just because I want to ask her how she is.... but that would be crossing the line...... right?

Maternal transference, you suck.

[DP_2017]

I wish I could text or email or anything. This is so hard on me... another week of nothing ahead. i miss him terribly. I'm doing ok but now knowing how much longer there STILL is, I'm feeling very overwhelmed. A simple text would change everything but I'm not allowed that. We didn't even get much time to discuss this all. I can't handle random... long trips again with no contact. i just can't. Sigh....

Eternity this week will be for sure.

[starfishing]

I would normally have a session tomorrow morning, but... vacation. It's interesting to realize that therapy-related topics are still bubbling up especially strongly tonight, as I guess is usual for me when I have therapy scheduled first thing the next day. Or maybe it's just that I'm letting myself navel-gaze as a distraction from the work project I'm supposed to be finishing up tonight.

I'm also noticing that I'm not anxious at all tonight, which I normally am on Sunday evenings (though in a manageable way). I'd been figuring that the anxiety was perhaps partially about anticipating therapy, but also about reentering the more hectic work-week, etc., but perhaps this particular surge in anxiety has been entirely about therapy all along.

My last session before the break, my therapist speculated and asked about the possible impacts of his vacation a few times in different contexts, and while I managed to talk a very little bit about the feelings I was experiencing and anticipating (and my feelings about having those feelings) it was pretty awful and difficult to discuss overall. I think I'm looking forward to having therapy again once he's back, but I am definitely going to be anxious as hell about having to talk about how I feel about the vacation.

[Cantfindthewords]

Just had my last session. Another 20 days until I see T. She said I could email her or ask for a phone call which is really nice of her, but it’s not the same as seeing her 😕

[Ms.Lizette]

Therapist has been gone for 4 weeks now and this week she's back.

I had a very difficult summer with a couple of mental health emergencies (SH and ptsd related paranoia) and I just feel I don't know how to go back to therapy.

I feel so completely confused: like I am a different person, like I never had therapy, like I don't know her.

I have missed her and needed therapy so badly during these weeks, but now the mere thought of going back to therapy puts me on the verge of collapse.

I should add I had appointments with one of her colleagues but I cancelled. I couldn't deal with talking to a different person.

I hope I make it to the session this Thursday, otherwise I might have to go to the emergency because I am literally losing my mind.

How can a break destroy me so much