Couch 172: Couch me if you can

it's interesting. i remember that she'd told me about it once before. this time she drew it out big on a sheet of paper and gave it to me. i'm supposed to be thinking about and noticing when i'm seeing myself in the different roles.

Rationally too, if he was that sick he probably wouldn't have been able to text you. I do hope he's ok!

I sure can understand though the fear!!! A few years ago during our phone session time t had a cough that lasted soooo long and I was so worried about her health and my fear of losing her was huge at the time. we spent much of several sessions on that topic. Yes receptionists should be more sensitive in what they say for sure. i am thankful that t does not have one she handles all that stuff herself.

just browsing around on Amazon after ordering the CODA workbook and ran across something interesting - "The Keyboard Waffle Iron". Apparently it makes waffles that look like a computer keyboard! So stupid it's brilliant! lol

.... and now I am wondering why t had to go and say what she did about wasted time. DOES she think I wasted her time this past 6+ years? DID she collude with me in letting me come twice a month for so long? I can't think like that I can't! We can't go back in time and change anything even if I did/she did. All we can do is go forward now. But I feel stupid. I'm so ****ing tired of feeling stupid. Just had a margarita I think I'll have another. I emailed her some stuff already before I started drinking. So now I have to save the rest of it for next week. Flip it all anyway. Why is therapy so stupid hard?!?!?!!?!!

yes i know, punctuation abuse. sorry sd. lol

hubby's out on a job and son's not home from class yet. alll by myseeeeelf..... don't wanna be... all by myyyyyself...... haha

Art—“letting” you? “Making” you in your earlier post? Who’s the boss here?

Cos therapists speak without thinking. One word out of place wipes out a whole session.

Or could it be that patients are anxious overthinkers?
But that's why we're in therapy in the first place, right?

Don't get me started on that!

A) therapists speak without thinking
B) clients are anxious overthinkers
C) both of these
D) neither of these

Gotta get in shape for classes.

oh yeah i keep forgetting i'm supposed to be. but she actually did say that, that she should have made me come weekly all along instead of going along with my wanting to come every 2 weeks.

oh god this whole thing is such a mess. (heading to fridge to pour 2nd margarita)

C (at least in my case)

She said it - that she should have made me come weekly. I didn't say anything because I think she's right. If I'd never stopped going weekly I'd probably be done by now.

now i'm heading to fridge. be right back. i want more conversation if anybody's up for it.

I'm back. Man, I'm in that stupid drama triangle thing right now, persecuting myself and being the victim all rolled into one.

Therapists: Patients want all of the power and none of the responsibility.
Patients: Therapists want all of the power and none of the responsibility.

She said something to me this evening about me not wanting responsibility. I don't remember what the context was. Damn.

I don't know what would have happened had she pushed me harder to do weekly back when I went to every 2 weeks. I probably would have quit. I wasn't in a place at all to admit to MYSELF that it wasn't h telling me we couldn't afford it. It was all me. It's been all me all along. I ****ed up. Everything. All of it. I should have just let her refer me out when she moved up north. This could have all been avoided. I'm so good at this persecuting my victim self. Ugh. I'll get over it. But tonight I am going to wallow. Me and Jose (Cuervo).

Cwtch me if you can.
(Google it!)

Maybe I'll get super-lucky and she'll decide she's sick of me and SHE'LL break the commitment and send me packing! I think I almost hope for that at the moment. May be the tequila talking though. Funny, I stay more coherent drinking tequila than when I drink wine. I wonder why that is.

You guys, how do I stop feeling so stupid.

I'm sorry. I'll stop.

Maybe she just meant as opposed to "calling in sick - mental health day"; not at death's door sick, but yes hes puking or whatever.

Art, would you like to obsess over an exchange I had with Piaf today?

ATAT: Have you ever made a serious mistake with a client?
Piaf: Yes.
ATAT: Did you fix it?
Piaf: I couldn’t.
ATAT: Did you try to fix it?
Piaf: I couldn’t.
(Heavy silence falls. ATAT, feeling she has stepped in something very big, concentrates on her puzzle book.)
Piaf: It was 15 years ago and I still think about it regularly.

I got the impression the client had .

If you knew what a joke my last couple of years with my t were. We had like the exact same session, time after time after time. I dont think he ever really understood how good i was at getting blood out of a stone.

You say, “I’m going to learn from this. Right now, no harm, no foul.” And move on.