Couch 172: Couch me if you can

I wondered what was written there. I need to do something fancy to my sunhat!

Eta - 2 or 3 long sessions on my little exerbike and my legs are already much less wobbly. I think even just the stress leading up to my gp appt on monday was bringing me way down. Let alone the stress of getting to ts every week. It wasnt helping, and i didnt know how to tell him that. My turn to say i suck.

Is Bob in the house?

They should make acting out hotlines.

Do I need to perform the entire hms pinafore for you?

Isn't that what the couch is?

Hugs, Velcro--I hope things get better for you there...

oooh, yes, please!

Who would you be if you could?

I've read that splashing cold water on your face can help, too, as that triggers the vagus nerve.

The therapist had the audacity to ask me if I was scared of her today. I am still smarting.

When you peel all the layers back, all there is is fear. My life is, and has been, motivated by fear.

I just can't seem to let go of t saying something about all the wasted time yesterday. I know, I know. Stop it. I'm trying. I want to talk to her about it because she hasn't answered my email from last night and I know she's not going to anyway so I don't know why I even bothered to send it. I want to know if she really honestly thinks that the past almost 7 years was a waste. It makes me cry thinking that she might think that. I don't think it was wasted. Not any of it. Can't she see how much I have changed since I first came to see her? Is she feeling like a failure maybe because I came back a month after quitting? Or because it's been almost 7 years and I'm still there? My mind won't shut up. Stop it, Artie. I'm NOT drinking tonight, don't worry Una. I'm letting myself feel all of this. I want to talk to her so much.

Hey, I can touch my feet to the top of my head.

Slow Friday night in my apartment.

I am going to go try that.

ETA: (As a thing to do so I don't drink because h is drinking margaritas and I would like one too right now)

Well, I learned that I can, if I lean my head forward, pull my leg up and touch my big toe to the top of my head. lol

I can one at a time, but with both I can only get to my forehead. I'll keep working on it.

My calico doesn't seem very impressed.

I am almost to 2,000 posts. Woo hoo.

That could very well be true. Mine was.

The good news is, that's something you can work on.

I wonder if you might have reached the point in your therapy where you realise that emailing T is counterproductive? The only good way to deal with these feelings is to raise them at the next session.

Yes, I believe I have, actually and maybe I was proving a point to myself by sending the one last night. Knowing when I sent it that she wouldn't reply but sending it anyway. I'm still more attached than I care to admit for all the good it's going to do me at this point. I want to talk to her so bad right now. But I'm going to sit here and feel that feeling and NOT drink any margaritas and just let it be what it is. There has to be a purpose for this. There has to be. And the past almost 7 years cannot have been a waste. If they were, then shame on both of us for not admitting it.

We are in need of a new couch. Any takers?

You should come check out my new place.

I am trying to figure out who exactly it’s designed for — just about no closet space (other than a teeny-tiny one for maybe four hangers) and a rather small space in general (small is totally fine by me although the lack of closet space is annoying) but with a truly elaborately designed kitchen with lots and lots of kitchen cabinets and appliances.

So, I guess the ideal tenant is someone who likes to cook a lot of stuff in a tiny space? Maybe while also touching their head with their feet?

Latest update on my landlady (aka wannabe Third World market haggler) — all of a sudden (in response to my latest email saying I’ll pay nothing more than a month’s rent after I move out), she’s said I’d only need to pay until Dec if no one else takes it. And, I know for a fact she put no thought into writing that email coz mail tracking tells me she banged it out pretty much as soon as she opened it. Sigh.

Good plan!

AY,

My place, a condo I unfortunately purchased 15 years ago, has hardly any storage space: a small closet in each of the 2 bedrooms, a coat closet, and a space under the stairs where the hot water heater is (so I can't put anything I care about under there, because if the hot water heater springs a leak, which has happened to me twice, it's all a goner).

I have a ton of those plastic storage bins in my living room, and some in my bedroom as well.

I have been asked by people if I have just moved in. Um, no.

Monsoon happening right now!! Lost satellite signal for tv so. H is bummed. He was watching baseball. The wind is blowing really hard out there and lots of thunder n lightening too, I'm loving it. It's blowing out all the weird energies from the full moon!! Maybe!

I think i prefer the pirates of penzance. It takes me back to my thirties-hood.