Couch 172: Couch me if you can

You guys, how do I stop feeling so stupid.

Cwtch me if you can.
(Google it!)

Art, would you like to obsess over an exchange I had with Piaf today?

ATAT: Have you ever made a serious mistake with a client?
Piaf: Yes.
ATAT: Did you fix it?
Piaf: I couldn’t.
ATAT: Did you try to fix it?
Piaf: I couldn’t.
(Heavy silence falls. ATAT, feeling she has stepped in something very big, concentrates on her puzzle book.)
Piaf: It was 15 years ago and I still think about it regularly.

I got the impression the client had .

She said it - that she should have made me come weekly. I didn't say anything because I think she's right. If I'd never stopped going weekly I'd probably be done by now.

"Keep drinking until you feel smarter!"

But seriously, if you cope with stress by drinking, you are on a slippery slope that leads to a very bad place. I'm worried about that.

You seem fixated on being "done". Please don't take that harshly. So what if you're not "done". Are we ever done? We're all works in progress. If you get something positive out of going to therapy, no one here is judging you. There's nothing wrong with doing something that brings you a net positive.

A
(Heavy silence falls. ATAT, feeling she has stepped in something very big, concentrates on her puzzle book.)

Changing the subject entirely, why do you take a puzzle book to therapy? I can't believe Piaf hasn't commented on it.

She’s totally commented on it:

“How can you do two things at once?”
“I don’t do logic problems.” (It’s a book of a type of Japanese logic problem called Slitherlink.)
“What does doing them do for you?”

I have done this off and on since No. 3. It gives me something to concentrate on besides the unpleasantness of sitting in therapy confiding in a stranger. I get much more out of sessions when I use the book.

.... and now I am wondering why t had to go and say what she did about wasted time. DOES she think I wasted her time this past 6+ years? DID she collude with me in letting me come twice a month for so long? I can't think like that I can't! We can't go back in time and change anything even if I did/she did. All we can do is go forward now. But I feel stupid. I'm so ****ing tired of feeling stupid. Just had a margarita I think I'll have another. I emailed her some stuff already before I started drinking. So now I have to save the rest of it for next week. Flip it all anyway. Why is therapy so stupid hard?!?!?!!?!!

Whatever works for you.

PS: Madame T would never have allowed it.

Artie you've done nothing to feel stupid about. I doubt she thinks you've wasted her her time after you guys discussed all the changes you've made .You needed to do what you needed to do then. Sometimes you need more support at one session a week others at twice a month- it's all good!

just browsing around on Amazon after ordering the CODA workbook and ran across something interesting - "The Keyboard Waffle Iron". Apparently it makes waffles that look like a computer keyboard! So stupid it's brilliant! lol

Whatever works for you.
PS: Madame T would never have allowed it.

Nor my ts.

@@, something ex-MC said (so take with grain of salt) is that levels of anger are different for different people. So for me, who doesn't tend to express much anger, slamming a door might be a 9 on my anger scale. While it might only be like a 5 on H's, because he expresses more anger. I may be explaining it wrong. It's more that it would show I'm at a 9 level of anger, while for H would be a level 5.

Pathetic, kinda needy e-mail to my t: sent! Perhaps we should have taken a different approach to working on the trauma list...

We have different ideas of what we want from our therapists, Malfoy.

Then today

My H's surgery went well. He's supposed to come home tomorrow morning. What hurts is he said that he'd rather stay in the hospital until Saturday. He likes all this medical attention more than me misses/loves me