Couch 174: Good Lord, Those People

So today was a day. I did the blood work, and the nurse didn't leave any further instructions in the voicemail she left, so I'm assuming that the results were what I expected, but not what I wanted. Stupid body. I have a bruise now too about the size of a silver dollar from back to back draws.

Anyway, after the appointment I had time to kill, so I went to the store and saw the Kettle Corn and Cherry Cola Oreos on clearance. I thought of all of you and almost bought some out of curiosity. I decided instead that I love myself more than subjecting myself to likely gross food. Instead I had a lovely salad for lunch.

I got a really nice present when I got to school from my co-teacher last year, and our principal had a snow cone truck come for all of the teachers after school to celebrate survival of the first day.

Hugs or other positive vibes as wanted or needed. I should sleep, but I just don't feel like I can. Kind of glad I see pdoc on Tuesday. T tomorrow.

I think that's a really good way to look at it. I know that once I realized that, while I'm attracted to women, I am only romantically interested in men. It just felt freeing. Like you said in your other post, you're finding yourself, and that's a beautiful thing. I'm happy for you.

(((Daisy))) I'm glad you got a nice present from your co-teacher and had a healthy salad. More hugs re: the bloodwork and bruise.

Thanks, Daisy. Very much so, freeing! I told L I feel such an incredible lightness saying that out loud. I wasn't expecting that to happen today, I thought we'd just talk about it, but it just kinda happened. And at some point all she did was sit there and witness my blossoming joy. Yeah that sounds corny but that's what it felt like!

I caught a few episodes recently, and i thought it held up surprisingly well. I thought it would seem more politically dated, but it didnt. It was probably more character driven than we realized. I saw an episode where Louis Malle tries to direct Murphy in a movie about her life - so cute, the two of them!

Want some?

Love that line! I hope your bruise heals quickly.

Aww I'm happy for you artie, time to own your power!

I hope you end up writing your letter.

H went to the hospital again. #22 This time he thinks he has a-fib even though the ambulance ekg said he doesn't.

((Scarlet))
This would try the patience of a saint.

I was just glad he said that I could contact him if I needed to in the first place. I have a feeling he won't get back to me until maybe a week later. It's "only" been 2.38 days but it feels like a lifetime.

I woke up and just cried this morning.

I see new T at 10.

Huge hugs Scarlett. I'm sorry they didn't take you seriously. Please try to stay safe. We're here if you also want to talk things through. Could you call T now?

Stay safe, Scarlet. I wish the EMTs had taken you seriously.

Hugs Scarlett. I'm so very sorry this is all happening and sorry the emt's didn't take you seriously. Please stay safe.

I'm watching you've got mail. I've never cried whilst watching it before:

"but the truth is I'm heartbroken, I feel as if a part of me has died and no one can ever make it right." The scene where she leaves the store and see's her mother and her dancing.

W doesn't want me to go. She says I'll get hurt.
"She won't have changed." That's true.
But I have.

Then perhaps it is worth going to then?

Hope you have a good session, Cake.

I don't know. There's no hurry. It's three years already.

PS: Madame T makes the good times better and the bad times worse.
PPS: Which suggests she overmirrors.

New T was okay- despite the fact I don't like women (which says a lot about me). The earliest session she could give me was on monday at 3pm as she's still on holiday right now and it's the weekend. She tried to be more comforting and reassuring which was different with all the I'm doing a good job kind of thing, that she was sorry for what I had gone through. (umm okay). Two sessions a week was intense and that I had worked hard.

Then that I would be a good doctor because I would understand and connect with my patients better. She was more open which I found different, when I mentioned trauma- she mentioned also working at



I asked her two questions at the end.

1 policy on out of session contact- if I texted she would call me back. she didn't answer on the weekends. if it was an emergency and 2am she would want me to call Samaritans.

2. if she was in supervision- yes at the moment she was seeing three and she also gave me their names and how often she saw them.

I feel so discombobulated.

I devoured "Journey Through Trauma: A Trail Guide to the 5-Phase Cycle of Healing Repeated Trauma". Quoting pages of it in my journal to T. I also bought a bunch of books recommended on r/CPTSD. Especially looking forward to "First, We Make the Beast Beautiful: A New Story about Anxiety". Book Depository seems slightly cheaper than Amazon for me, since ur gas free worldwide shipping unlike Amazon.

So adorable!

I wrote R an email- the same as my dear t post- I delayed sending it until 12am on monday.

I wish I wasn't so hung up on this but I am. I feel so obsessed with him. I wish I never emailed in the first place. It's been 3 days of just pain.

EDIT:I tried to delete it now- there's nothing in my outbox so I assume that's okay and it won't be sent?

Oooo I googled the first book- it looks good.