Wishing T was Different

I just need to get this out... I’m really struggling right now. Last night I cried harder than I ever have before about how hurt I feel by T. I also read a blog a few minutes ago and the individual talks about how loving her therapist is, how affectionate and warm she is towards her. She talks about their sessions being full of hugging and reassurances. And while I certainly understand this individual probably feels incredible pain, it’s difficult to know there are Ts out there who offer this kind of healing and love. My T pushes me so hard and would never do these things so freely out of fear I’d become dependent on them.

I’m just pathetically jealous and sad.

Would you consider searching for a new t?

I’m on the opposite side. My t is indulgent and mushy but he probably doesn’t challenge me enough. Believe it or not there is a downside to having this type of therapist. Maybe there is s happy medium therapist out there for you?

Or... have you ever voiced this concern to your t? Maybe they would be surprised that you feel this way and maybe they would adjust their style.

I have voiced it and it usually ends up in an argument. I am so terribly attached, and yet she still sets cold, hard boundaries. I wish I could leave her but I don’t think I’d want any of the caring from another therapist. I may get attached to them at some point, but right now all I want is the stuff to come from T.

I know I post on here so much about my attachment issues with my therapist, but it is seriously the only place I’ve been able to process it completely other than with T. Sorry if it gets old.

I have been meeting with another therapist 1x month at the same clinic and that has been helpful. In the past when I’ve met with other Ts while seeing my current T who I am attached to, I have not got anything beneficial out of the sessions. However, while I’m pretty robotic (yet anxious) in session with new T, she has offered a lot of insight and I’m slowly becoming more comfortable sharing vulnerable stuff. Still robotic, numb, and detached, but I think my walls are coming down a tiny bit at a time.

I feel both encouraged and discouraged. I know my attachments to people are either on one end of the extreme or the other. I wish I could trust more easily without letting swept of my feet and getting caught in the vicious cycle. I wish I could more easily attach to new T and she could be a source of comfort for me too. That’s a risky thing to wish for given my history, but I wish I could spread my support without having to rely on a single person.

I know how you feel, if that helps. Thing is, my T offered me everything I wanted in the beginning, then took it away. I'm terribly attached still, over four years later, but she's retiring from clinical work at the end of the year so we will be done. As much as it hurts, I know this is the best thing for me.

I was really attached to my last T but she showed me no physical attention but was still helpful. I dont crave that with this one and I am not sure why. Maybe its because I am getting older and numb.

how long have you been seeing her?


my t had a cold hard no touching rule for two years. more recently she agreed to hold my hand during times when I needed it when talking about abuse stuff