[Rive1976]

So as many of you know my therapist came up with this theory that I was sexually abused by my mother. Not based on memories. I told her that I hear alot of chatter when she talks about that like this is bad, I want to die etc. (I really dont). Out of the possibility of anyone doing that to me. I am most uncomfortable about it being my mother. My therapist is knows I hear chatter and said its because my brain is going to its alarm center because I dont want to accept my reality. Also I told her I was angry she even mentioned it because I have no evidence. She said I had every right to be angry. Wth. Wouldnt you have thst kind of chatter if someone was trying to push on you your mom did this?

[AllHeart]

Your t sounds quite dangerous. She has no business creating false accusations. I’d sure be angry at t’s agenda.

[Skeezyks]

Yes, I think you're absolutely correct. Being told something like this by someone who is in a position of "authority" so to speak, to my mind, is going to cause alarm bells to go off in anyone's mind. To me, this sort of baseless accusation is just horrid. In our society even the merest hint that someone did something such as this can destroy a person. So to me at least for your therapist to even suggest the possibility of such a thing, when there is absolutely no evidence such a thing occurred, is just awful. That's all I can say...

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by Dnester

So as many of you know my therapist came up with this theory that I was sexually abused by my mother. Not based on memories. I told her that I hear alot of chatter when she talks about that like this is bad, I want to die etc. (I really dont). Out of the possibility of anyone doing that to me. I am most uncomfortable about it being my mother. My therapist is now I hear chatter because my brain is going to its alarm center because I dont want to accept my reality. Also I told her I was angry she even mentioned it because I have no evidence. She said I had every right to be angry. Wth. Wouldnt you have thst kind of chatter if someone was trying to push on you your mom did this?

Is this theory one your T continues to bring up after you told your T that it makes you uncomfortable? Or are you the one that is bringing it up because it makes you uncomfortable? Is it something your T said once or repeatedly? Sometimes T's have wild theories that they mention once, but I can't see the point in mentioning it repeatedly because it doesn't seem to be helpful to you. I'm not really sure I understand about the chatter but I'm sorry you are experiencing it. I don't know what I would feel if my T thought that and expressed that theory to me. But what matters is that you are upset about it. You are angry about it. And ultimately you are the one that has to handle those feelings in whatever way you can. Would asking T not to talk about it be more helpful than going over it repeatedly? I hope you get some relief from your distress.

I would be extremely angry. To me, this sounds like some really dark and (like AllHeart said) dangerous manipulation, kinda sick even. I would certainly tell her what I think about her "method" and never go back. It is perfectly normal, IMO.

[Rive1976]

I am going to tell her next session (which is Wed) that I don't do theories well. Hopefully that will help. To answer your question I dont keep bringing it up but she does this thing where after she says something shes just like what are you thinking and I told her just chatter ( chatter is things I say to myself when topics are uncomfortable. Like I want to die, I wish I wasn't here right now, dont focus on this, look at that picture of that wave etc.) Then she goes on about how that is a defense mechanism so I dont have to face my reality. I have only had one other session since the one that she mentioned the theory in so I dont know if she will bring it up but its a strong possibility.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Telling someone what you think happened to them is a big red flag in therapy. Can lead to false memories.

Twenty years ago, they thought you had to have been sexually abused if you had BPD. They thought I had BPD (which I do), so they assumed I was abused. At one point I was forced to lie about being abused because they told me I was faking if I wasn't and I'd lose my resources.

My ex-T assumed I'd be the most emotional over my mother because most the emotional abuse and neglect came from her. She was wrong. I was indifferent to my mom; numb. My dad on the other hand, is where I got emotional. He was my main support in my childhood even though he neglected me too. But because he chose my sister over me, my relationship with him causes me pain.

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Telling someone what you think happened to them is a big red flag in therapy. Can lead to false memories.

Twenty years ago, they thought you had to have been sexually abused if you had BPD. They thought I had BPD (which I do), so they assumed I was abused. At one point I was forced to lie about being abused because they told me I was faking if I wasn't and I'd lose my resources.

My ex-T assumed I'd be the most emotional over my mother because most the emotional abuse and neglect came from her. She was wrong. I was indifferent to my mom; numb. My dad on the other hand, is where I got emotional. He was my main support in my childhood even though he neglected me too. But because he chose my sister over me, my relationship with him causes me pain.

Similar attitude towards those with self harm. The underlying assumption is that the client has been abused (in my experience). It's like, okay you self harm so you must have been abused when you were a kid. Let's talk about that. hmm.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

Similar attitude towards those with self harm. The underlying assumption is that the client has been abused (in my experience). It's like, okay you self harm so you must have been abused when you were a kid. Let's talk about that. hmm.

And eating disorders

[Ididitmyway]

Now I can say that your T goes over the top. I don't believe it was horrible of her to voice her assumption once though a smart T would not do that, but when you made it clear to her that you reject her theory she should've dropped it and should've taken a different approach. Her explanation of your chatter has no basis in any psychological theory or science. Again, if this was presented to you as an assumption, this might still pass as her opinion only, though, again, it's not a good professional approach to go heavy on interpreting and ascribing meanings to client's processes because of how little psychotherapy theories are based on science and how little we know about human mental processes in general. When she asserts that the chatter is your "defense mechanism" against some "truth", she pulls it out of her ***. If it is a defense mechanism, then it's a defense against her forcing her agenda on you and, I'd say, that such a defense is a perfectly normal reaction to someone who is forcing on you what you don't want to accept and there is nothing wrong with defending yourself that way. It does look to me now like she has a certain agenda for you and I'd confront her about it. If she doesn't drop it I'd look for a new T.

[AllHeart]

Worst part is, t has already planted the dangerous seed. 18 years ago my then t asked if I was sure it wasn’t my dad that csa’d me. Hell no it wasn’t. Yet still to this day, every now and again, I question it. It’s a disgusting thought to have to entertain. Makes me feel like a horrible person. Do what you have to do to stop your seed from growing.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

Worst part is, t has already planted the dangerous seed. 18 years ago my then t asked if I was sure it wasn’t my dad that csa’d me. Hell no it wasn’t. Yet still to this day, every now and again, I question it. It’s a disgusting thought to have to entertain. Makes me feel like a horrible person. Do what you have to do to stop your seed from growing.

That is exactly where I am now that possibility is stuck in my head and I am not sure I want to entertain it but Im also like well that could of happened.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by Dnester

That is exactly where I am now that possibility is stuck in my head and I am not sure I want to entertain it but Im also like well that could of happened.

I'm not sure why your therapist even came up with such a theory or why she then told you about it. That kind of dialogue is normally left up to the client to initiate so false memories aren't implanted. I can say is do what you can to not let your mind run amuck (don't over think the situation - let it come naturally) and most importantly, trust your gut instinct. If your t presses the issue again, I'd run for the hills. Again, she sounds dangerous.

[Rive1976]

I have also been having nightmares of csa happening to me that I know could not of happened. Since the beginning of therapy 8 months ago.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by Dnester

I am going to tell her next session (which is Wed) that I don't do theories well. Hopefully that will help.

I get the temptation to use this strategy. Kind of shoulder the problem yourself by saying that you don't do theories well.

You *hope* this will help -- will kind of quiet her down and lessen the weirdness that she has brought into therapy. Hope is not a strategy.

Your dodge (dressed up as hope) is unlikely to work long-term? She may simply say, Well then! There there... You can learn to do theories better..starting with my (crackpot) theory. And you are back at square one with her ill-fitting assumption about you.

Theories and you -- they are not the problem. She is the problem.

Good therapists take their cues from their clients. They do not try to force you into a mold, a diagnosis, a story of their own.

Tread lightly here. You may have a wacko on your hands.

[SalingerEsme]

Originally Posted by Dnester

I have also been having nightmares of csa happening to me that I know could not of happened. Since the beginning of therapy 8 months ago.

I am so sorry you are experiencing this. The brain/mind /unconscious is so complicated, it take endurance and great therapy to figure out what the discharging of images actually means. It might take a lot of time to understand what the mind is doing, what the nightmares symbolize or indicate. There has to be that time taken and no rush to judgment, that time taken and persistent invitation to your unconscious that it is okay to relax defenses. I agree with everyone else T should not suggest memories or theories unless she is mirroring back something you give her first. Did you check out your ACE score?

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

I am so sorry you are experiencing this. The brain/mind /unconscious is so complicated, it take endurance and great therapy to figure out what the discharging of images actually means. It might take a lot of time to understand what the mind is doing, what the nightmares symbolize or indicate. There has to be that time taken and no rush to judgment, that time taken and persistent invitation to your unconscious that it is okay to relax defenses. I agree with everyone else T should not suggest memories or theories unless she is mirroring back something you give her first. Did you check out your ACE score?

What's an ACE score?

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by Dnester

What's an ACE score?

ACEs Too High

[Rive1976]

My Ace score is a five.