Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVI

6 months?? I remember when going a week without an appointment with you was to much. Little did I know how much it would change 6 months ago today.

So t. It's day 3 post-therapy. I still feel that we did the right thing ending and am grateful that we did it together, grateful that my psyche stepped up to the plate so to speak and showed us that dream. And grateful that you shared what you'd been thinking with me, it gave me even more confidence in your capability as a t. And I already had a ton!!

Dear ex-MC,
One year ago tomorrow is when everything changed between us...It was probably ultimately, in the long run, for the better, but it certainly hurt like hell...

LT

plz write to me....

I need u...

I almost fell back into my old worst habit yesterday because nothing makes me feel worse about myself than that and I for sure need to punish myself like crazy. However, I realized, even if I did do it again, you no longer care. Your care for me, has ended. I am only "just a job" and I can't understand why anyone would want a job helping people only to pretend to care and like them and in the end, hurt them and leave them.

I'm glad you can walk away from this like it was nothing, because it was obviously nothing to you, but this will be hell for me... and my biggest support, will be gone. Sigh....

Trust no one. Ever.

You're the only person who could understand. This is so cruel and crazy.

Today is 6 months since my T told me he's dying. Two months since he died.

I miss him so much.

miss u.....

hugs......

Thank you. Hugs to you too. I think we could all use some hugs.

Winter is hard.

1.Registration for stomatology opens on the 11th at 8pm. There's only 20 spots for that date. If I get one it means I only have 9 days left to prep. I wonder if I'm kidding myself trying to do it early as I also have a radiology test on the same day, but in the afternoon at 1pm .

2.13th: I have my pharma test and an extra class at the hospital at 6.30am.

3.Amazon split my order into 2. The first book has already been dispatched but I didn't include a message with each this one will turn up without one- I wonder if you'll get it's from me.

4.1 day, 23 hours, 11 minutes and 44 seconds till session.

Yes. I am in a cold place, or at least cold to me, as someone who grew up in California. Not cold like Chicago, but still snow and ice and the difficulty that comes along with it.

I think the "happy light" I bought last winter is helping me for the second time in a row. I have a larger one now than these smaller ones, and I use it for more hours than I used to. SAD is a thing.

Amazon.com: Verilux: Light Therapy

Thanks for reminding me about a SAD light. I need to take mine out, if I still have it. I am majorly depressed which means I will be completely unmotivated at work.

I've driven myself to thinking u hate me and want me to die

I've spent 85% of the time here at my moms asleep

that's ok I guess

at least I have my boby with me

If u did want me to die would u just tell me. that's all I'd need