[justbreathe1994]

All I can think about is how ashamed I feel about what I did. Every moment I think of her, I just regret what I’ve done on such an intense level it makes me physically ill. I know it probably doesn’t help posting this here - but I wish more than anything she’d take me back. I miss her more than words can even describe. Some moments I wonder if that’s why it’s better she’s gone. Maybe I’m just not suppose to feel this way and it’s better she’s out of my life.

[velcro003]

i am sorry you are feeling so bad, justbreathe. i don't have many comforting words, but i hear you.

I’m so sorry, justbreathe.

Honestly... you just drove by someone’s house because you loved them so much and were curious. You don’t deserve this level of pain.

You’re still a good person.

I see the other side of things too, but be gentle on yourself. You’ve suffered enormously already. You’ve done your time.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I, too, lost my T instantly due to my behavior, though my T was going to leave me no matter what. But because I emotionally lost control, my termination was instant and I was no longer allowed to directly contact her.

Because of recent events, this has been brought to my attention once again. I feel horrible. I would never hurt my ex-T. I loved her more than anything. I feel guilty and ashamed for what happened even though it was 3.5 years ago. I hate myself. I always wonder "what if..."

It's hard. I've been there. I am there. I know it's not exactly the same, but it is similar. Write as much as you need to. The people here really helped me when I lost my T. Even now, I still have their support. Only a few people have made me feel guilty, but the rest have been good to me. I hope you receive the support from here.

Just know you're not alone.

Everyone, at some point, has done something they aren’t proud of. That is inclusive of the beloved therapists in question.

Typically when clients find their way to therapy, they aren’t in a great place to begin with. Between the dynamics of therapy, therapy being intrinsically stressful, and the fact that we are seeing therapists at their best while we are at our worst, crap happens. We would like for all of this emotional releasing to happen in a neat package, but that’s not how it always works.

Yes, we all have to be responsible for our own behaviors. However, our therapists are also responsible for helping keep feelings contained.... for not being overly reactionary... for giving clients room for outburst and to make mistakes. Unfortunately we may not always be aware of boundaries till they have been crossed, and the consequences can be harsh.

Are therapists responsible for working with clients that cross boundaries? Sometimes. It comes with the territory. For the other times, I get it... nobody should work in abusive conditions... though I do think those that sign up to work in this field need to be strong, patient and resilient. Even if a therapist needs to terminate, I don’t think clients need to relentlessly punish themselves for things like driving by a public street, or yelling, or slamming a door. No therapy should end with that amount of self-flaggelation especially for such minor offenses... not when clients are working so hard to live easier and be better people.

Originally Posted by PurpleMirrors

You don’t deserve this level of pain. You’re still a good person... be gentle on yourself. You’ve suffered enormously already. You’ve done your time.

Ditto. You've done your time. It's time to let yourself off the hook. Just breathe, Justbreathe. It's ok to stop flogging yourself.

[Taylor27]

Post on here as much as you need to we are here for you. What your therapist did to you was very harsh and wrong. You don't deserve to be punished. Please be gentle with yourself and know you are a good person. Your therapist choose to handle it immature and left you with pain that was wrong of her to terminate you over something that could of been worked out in the therapy room. All she did was made things worse for you. You are a good person who deserves a much more better therapist then her. Hugs

I think it is your T who should feel shame.

[here today]

Originally Posted by justbreathe1994

All I can think about is how ashamed I feel about what I did. Every moment I think of her, I just regret what I’ve done on such an intense level it makes me physically ill. I know it probably doesn’t help posting this here - but I wish more than anything she’d take me back. I miss her more than words can even describe. Some moments I wonder if that’s why it’s better she’s gone. Maybe I’m just not suppose to feel this way and it’s better she’s out of my life.

I agree, unfortunately.

[koru_kiwi]

Originally Posted by justbreathe1994

Some moments I wonder if that’s why it’s better she’s gone. Maybe I’m just not suppose to feel this way and it’s better she’s out of my life.

i agree too.

if she could not handle you simply driving by her home and having the mature therapy discussion to help you to understand and work through why you did it, then i doubt she was going to be able to handle any difficult feelings you may have bought to therapy in the future, like anger and possibly even anger towards her one day. that sets up for an unsafe therapeutic dynamic if you are having to censor your feelings and thoughts out of fear of offending your T or worrying that you will be terminated because of it. i reckon she doesn't have skin thick enough for this business and she is doing her clients a great disservice because of it.

[Fuzzybear]