Legit question

As we see even from this thread, there are so many different guesses and also so many different ways to react that it is most likely not successful to try to understand exactly how and why another person feels. Asking is always good. Then we might or might not get an answer that is or is not truthful

Because of this I think the main focus should be on you. How did it feel for you and how to move forward.

That's the problem. It made me feel happy and like I mattered, like he cared and we had a great connection.

Now I feel like it was a joke, out of pity. That I was "just a job" and he was killing time. I feel played.

Moving forward only happens by taking one day at a time. I'm used to that. Just that trusting anyone who is nice to me from here on out will be crazy hard.

One day at a time is the right speed. What I tried to say is that there is no way to know for sure how he felt and is thinking, that's why I wouldn't concentrate on him.

And sometimes DP it's 1 min at a timd or 1 hr at a time for me these days. You've endured a blow - take it easy ((hugs))

((((DP_2017))))

DP, as others pointed out (and you have acknowledged several times), your relationship with your T was not a therapeutic one. Perhaps because it was more... jovial, less deep, it is easier for him to separate.

I have had decent friendships with coworkers - people I have confided in and cried in front of - and then, when I moved jobs, those people just... stopped talking to me. Not out of malice, that I can tell - and we had emotional(-ish) goodbyes - but just... we don't talk anymore. They don't initiate contact and honestly I don't either. It doesn't bother me though, because we didn't have a deep connection beyond the office. I'm not at that office anymore. It's more... a change in the daily routine. *shrug* Maybe that's your T's perspective? Not a therapeutic approach, but an explanation nonetheless.

((DP))

In your last sessions, I hope your t realizes he screwed up what could have been a positive ending. His burnt-outness is being inflicted on you while you remained thankful and gracious towards him. Hopefully he will see how much he effed this up and will correct as much as he is capable of before the last session.

Ps see this article. Maybe t was showing some of these warning signs of burnout.
Counselor Self-Care Series: 12 Signs of Counselor Burnout - Blog

This is about his shortcomings and inability to cope, it says nothing about you

Thanks, he did have burn out, he told me. We talked quite a bit about his job issues. I knew he was gonna leave, I just was blind sided that he cut me out forever after everything that happened.... that's where I'm struggling.

Tomorrow I hope to discuss this issue with him and some other things, some positive and see how things go. I'm tired of crying but it just happens so randomly and so often now.

I hope, if he's not a completely effed up person who should never have been a therapist, that he finds the courage to do the right thing with you.

I thinks it's very possible it was just a sham. but that's the thing. you're likely not going to find out the truth. the truth is a luxury, not a right. I went thru similar things after I left my former t. 7 years of therapy with him and 2 years of intimate contact ended in.... nothing. no words or explanations. I had to accept that I will never know. I know the betrayal hurt and confusion that this situation evokes regardless of any differences in our stories, the emotions are the same. maybe it was all a sham, a showman who decides to abandon the show. maybe it wasn't. the important thing, for me at least, was accepting that I won't know. I won't ever know. and I have to learn to be ok with that

I can understand why you'd feel blindsided. I hope you can learn something that is helpful to you.

I hope therapy goes better today as you wind down. May he be as gracious to you as you are towards him, despite his flaws.

Same here. Some true friendships are situational, and that doesn't make them insincere. Probably , if you went back to that job, you would go back to the friendship.

However, the therapist client relationship is supposed to transcend friendship and be very different from it, as friendship is reciprocal and not com modifiable by the hour.

Dp how are you doing tonight?

Better than I expected. I opted against the thank you letter until later, and we did a normal walk with fun chats, which made it easier once I got in, so I handed him the list of questions, he happily went through them, talked to me with kindness this time, there was no pissy side

I asked for 2x a week, he agreed. I asked for a goodbye letter, he agreed. I asked if he is open to contact in 2 years and he said yes. I asked if he sees me out and about if he will chat a few minutes and he said yes. Lots of good things.

I gave him the xmas card and collage I made and he loved it. So that made me feel good. I see him Friday again.

I am so happy for you!!! Contact in two years in a big deal!! I’m glad he got it together to be present for you in a proper ending to therapy.

Im not trying to be mean but its just their job. I dont think any of my Ts have actually really cared for me. Some more than others but not really.

that's fantastic news! happy for you