[DP_2017]

1 week from today is my last session with my t. I'm devastated to say the least.

I cry constantly but I'm also finding myself very sick. Throwing up and very frequent bathroom trips. My stomach constantly hurts and I am back to not sleeping well.

I want to go to my last 3 sessions, I need as much time as I can to process and say goodbye but the closer it gets, the sicker I get. How can I manage this? I'm legit worried I'll throw up in session or have an accident, as funny as it may sound.

I can't even fathom how I am supposed to do everything for the last time and walk away like nothing next Thurs.....

For those who have been through this hell, how do you cope? I feel like I'm losing my mind. Help!

**I am looking for advice on dealing with the final 3 sessions without all the sickness and anxiety and pain**

[SlumberKitty]

I had my last session with my former T back in Sept. It broke my heart. I cried all the way through the session. First time and last time I have cried in session. It was only a phone session though but I probably would have cried in person. It's been three months, and it is a little bit better. I still miss her every day, but I can tell there is some progress where it isn't as bad most days. I have a new T that I've been seeing once a month that is helping. But losing my T is why I joined PC. So I write on here a lot and just try to get through each day one day at a time. It is just really ridiculously difficult. I'm sorry. I wish it was easier. Kit

[Salmon77]

I haven't been through this exactly but I did lose a loved one in the past year. I spent a few days just lying in bed, going through old messages and pictures and thinking about the good times. A lot of crying. I think with grieving, you just have to accept that you're going to feel terrible for a while. If you need to cry, you cry. If you need to puke, you puke. It gets better eventually but it takes time.

[Taylor27]

Hugs it's very hard my first t dump me out of no where 9 years ago it took a very long time. It like losing a loved on thats how i can explain the pain i went through. Good self care helps. Hugs

[DP_2017]

Sorry, I should have been more clear... I'm not so worried about the AFTER stuff, I dealt with the death of my dog last year so I assume it will be similar, only with no real life support....

I am more concerned how to cope with the last few sessions, how can I ease the sickness and how do you manage the final everything?

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Sorry, I should have been more clear... I'm not so worried about the AFTER stuff, I dealt with the death of my dog last year so I assume it will be similar, only with no real life support....

I am more concerned how to cope with the last few sessions, how can I ease the sickness and how do you manage the final everything?

I wasn't able to ease the crying. I cried before and during and after for days. The final stuff just managed itself. The final session we just wrapped up all the good stuff that had been accomplished and I got to tell how how much she meant to me and how much she helped me and she got to hold my pain for a while. Kit

[nottrustin]

I never had those last appointments so I will probably be no help for you. I know medications should never be the only answer but do you have any prescriptions for anxiety meds? If he is like either of my Ts, I am strongly discouraged from taking them before an appointment and if I choose to they ask that I tell them. I think you should tLe something so you can get through.

I would keep the next three appointments on the lighter side. maybe discuss what you have accomplished together, your goals for your therapeutic future, what he recommends you work on in the future (if you care about his input). I would tell kim immediately how your feeling and be open about the vomiting and anything else. This will allow him to help you.

[DP_2017]

Right I don't HAVE to go, but I will 100% regret it if I don't. Same with my dog, when he passed, I could have skipped his last moments, but I'm glad I was there with him, even though I knew for days what day he would be leaving and even the time.... it was awful but I had to do it.

[toomanycats]

Honestly, you just...cry. And try to eat. And try to do basic life functions. And then cry more. You cry and cry and cry and cry.

The waves feel like they will drown you. As someone once said to me: You feel like you are dying. Fortunately, you will not die. Unfortunately, you will not die.

The waves are very close together in the beginning - on top of one another really - very time for breathing or air.

They spread out a little over time... then crash again... then spread again... then crash again... eventually, they get smaller.

You just have to endure it. There is no way to make it easier. There is no way to lessen the pain. You just have to sit and cry and feel like you are dying and continue to not die.

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by toomanycats

Honestly, you just...cry. And try to eat. And try to do basic life functions. And then cry more. You cry and cry and cry and cry.

The waves feel like they will drown you. As someone once said to me: You feel like you are dying. Fortunately, you will not die. Unfortunately, you will not die.

The waves are very close together in the beginning - on top of one another really - very time for breathing or air.

They spread out a little over time... then crash again... then spread again... then crash again... eventually, they get smaller.

You just have to endure it. There is no way to make it easier. There is no way to lessen the pain. You just have to sit and cry and feel like you are dying and continue to not die.

[growlycat]

I wish I knew what would make it easier. In a practical sense Imodium is my best friend when anxiety goes after that end. Maybe eat bland food like buttered toast the morning of.

Tell t your physical symptoms. He needs to know how bad you are really feeling and I always thought he doesn’t have a full sense of that. Maybe he would have more ideas on support resources after therapy.

If in these final sessions you physically don’t feel well will he walk you though a relaxation exercise? Will he record one for you?

I wish I knew what to say that would help. I think growly has some good suggestions. Sending you hugs and good thoughts.

You might want to consider seeing another T on a short term basis to help with support around the loss.

I hope it gets easier for you.

[Merope]

I think just be kind to yourself and don’t block your emotions. If you feel like crying, let yourself cry. If you feel sick, pause and take a moment to just breathe. Your body is going through a lot is states right now, so it’s ok to let it do its thing. I think the more you allow this, the easier you’ll find it to go through it.

Take care of yourself, DP. We’re all here for you. X

Edited to add this: I know this is a very different situation, but I remember having this sort of physical reaction a few years ago when my ex broke up with me out of the blue. I came across this article on the internet which I found extremely comforting. I think it has points that apply to loss in general, so maybe it’s worth a read if you fancy.

Small Life, Slow Life: When the Unthinkable Happens. (Also known as: How to Cope When Your World Just Exploded.) | small life, slow life

How have you coped with other endings in your life? No one here can guess what will work best for you, indeed some of the suggestions will probably aggravate you. Have confidence that you know what you need.

[tomatenoir]

Hi DP,

Have you tried asking your doctor for Omeprazole (or whatever the equivalent is where you are?) for the nausea?

I had a boss five years ago who left me so stressed, that I was throwing up every morning. Omeprazole helped with the nausea, and when I left that job, I decreased dosage and then came off of it. But it did help while I was on it.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

[SalingerEsme]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Sorry, I should have been more clear... I'm not so worried about the AFTER stuff, I dealt with the death of my dog last year so I assume it will be similar, only with no real life support....

I am more concerned how to cope with the last few sessions, how can I ease the sickness and how do you manage the final everything?

One thing I learned working with the center for grieving children is the I Remember When closure experience. I use it myself in real life a lot, and it works. Each person just takes turns looking back at the life and times shared together, and telling a small story that happened . I remember when. . . not trying to make it profound or a big memory- just the real nitty gritty. It makes a beautiful conversation and makes peace within a terrible situation . The only rule is each person has to start with I remember when

[SalingerEsme]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Right I don't HAVE to go, but I will 100% regret it if I don't. Same with my dog, when he passed, I could have skipped his last moments, but I'm glad I was there with him, even though I knew for days what day he would be leaving and even the time.... it was awful but I had to do it.

There's so much wisdom in this. Thank you for sharing it. I tend to avoid goodbyes with humans , yet I would never leave one of my dogs in their last moments.

[SalingerEsme]

I have to add one more thing- I am so sorry this is happening, and I don't think it should be allowed. It is as serious as any malpractice .

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by octoberful

You might want to consider seeing another T on a short term basis to help with support around the loss.

I hope it gets easier for you.

I just can't. I can't risk going through this again. I can't pay someone else to hurt me. I can't trust any therapist again.

Originally Posted by tomatenoir

Hi DP,

Have you tried asking your doctor for Omeprazole (or whatever the equivalent is where you are?) for the nausea?

I had a boss five years ago who left me so stressed, that I was throwing up every morning. Omeprazole helped with the nausea, and when I left that job, I decreased dosage and then came off of it. But it did help while I was on it.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Nope I have not, but he doesn't prescribe meds anyway

Originally Posted by SorryOozit

How have you coped with other endings in your life? No one here can guess what will work best for you, indeed some of the suggestions will probably aggravate you. Have confidence that you know what you need.

I only had my dog... most other "Endings" were natural... people just naturally became distant.

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

One thing I learned working with the center for grieving children is the I Remember When closure experience. I use it myself in real life a lot, and it works. Each person just takes turns looking back at the life and times shared together, and telling a small story that happened . I remember when. . . not trying to make it profound or a big memory- just the real nitty gritty. It makes a beautiful conversation and makes peace within a terrible situation . The only rule is each person has to start with I remember when

That's a lovely idea. I asked him to write a goodbye letter and I wrote him one, we will read them to each other next week. Sort of similar.

[koru_kiwi]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

II asked him to write a goodbye letter and I wrote him one, we will read them to each other next week. Sort of similar.

that sounds like a lovely way to end

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by koru_kiwi

that sounds like a lovely way to end

Yes, I know I'll be a sobbing mess. He will probably continue his robotic act so that will be hard. I wish he could connect with me on this basic human level again, so I didn't feel so alone in all this

[HowDoYouFeelMeow?]

I would recommend not eating for a few hours beforehand and maybe only have toast earlier in the day. Also maybe bring an extra pair of underwear, a toothbrush, and some minty gum... just in case.

Hugs