Email etiquette without clear guideline

if your therapist hasn’t given you email policy and and you find yourself home for the holiday break wanting to email, do you think its ok to email? I mean maybe just email what is on your mind and say “no reply needed”?

Go for it.

I use email a lot in my therapy- I have no idea if my therapist has a policy around it generally. I just started writing and have always been super-specific about not needing a reply, which for me is essential- I don’t want him to feel obligated to respond, and I don’t want to make myself anxious waiting for a reply. But writing helps me work through a lot of stuff on my own in between sessions.

Perhaps you could trust your judgement on whether it’s a good idea for you? And then discuss it when you see each other next. I would imagine therapists have a wide range of opinions on how their clients might use email, so it’s a little hard to predict what a therapist might say on the topic.

My T hasn't given me a clear policy on it which sometimes makes me feel anxious. My fault too, as I COULD ask.

He doesn't always reply, but he said he "welcomes" emails in which I say how I feel. I always try to keep them as short as possible.

I personally don't email him when I know he is on leave unless it's something to do with an upcoming appointment confusion. He always replies promptly to those.

However, I think that if you feel like emailing, just go for it. It's not like you're giving your T a phone call. He/She can choose whether they want to reply or not. One thing I did learn when emailing T....sometimes they won't reply. They'll wait for the next session to go through it, so as long as you're ok with that, then go ahead. I tend to get anxious when he doesn't reply to emails about how I'm feeling, so I don't tend to write them as often.

Personally, I'd get clarification. I would assume the email was given for business matters like scheduling, etc. unless the therapist personally handed it to you with some statement of feel free to email me if you need to touch base, etc.

If he has given you his email address or adds it to his website, it makes sense to use it.

I did have a specific discussion about email right in the beginning with current T. But with ex-T and ex-marriage counselor, we never had an initial discussion--I just emailed then later asked if it was OK. I think it's safe to send something brief, then plan to discuss the policy next session. Maybe include something like, "We never discussed your email policy, so I'm not sure if sending this is OK, but..."

it’s on his website but he didnt give it to me. i dont think he will be mad but i dont want to annoy him. also he isnt on holiday, im just visiting family for a few weeks

I doubt it would be a problem if the email address is on his website and you never discussed using it. I probably would just send a short one saying that you would have something to share but are not sure if it is okay. I would not ask him not to reply to that because then you won't know Then take it from there, including maybe discussing emailing in more detail in the next session.

ETA: I wanted to add that your question was about email etiquette, and it is hard to know. Just because the email address is on a website, doesn't necessarily mean it is intended to be used for anything beyond business. Is it a personal email or a business email? If it is a business email, does it go directly to him, or is it filtered perhaps through a secretary/office person?

If it is a personal email (specifically to the therapist), it still is something to discuss with the therapist. Some therapist only want email used for business matters. Others don't mind emails but don't reply. Others reply regularly. It helps to know what the guidelines are and since you don't, you might should discuss it first just so you are on the same page.

Different, but not that different. My cardiologist has an email on his website; it looks like it would go straight to him, but apparently it was more of a business email that he honestly didn't use much, pretty much read and filtered through office personnel. However, he personally handed me a different email address that he wanted me to use to correspond directly with him about my condition and treatment. He told me specifically what he wanted me to use it for, that this was the email he wanted me to use, and what I could expect as a far as timing of replies, etc. Because he was so specifically about it, I knew exactly when and how to use it and what to expect in return. (It was actually very personal, helpful, and conversational dialogue via email which was rather amazing coming from a medical specialist.)

Similarly, my husband's pain specialist provided me with his personal cell phone number. I understand it is only to be used in cases of extreme emergency if his answering service doesn't handle matters correctly (which was what we had run into). We know those guidelines ahead of time and therefore know the etiquette for that number's use.

Its private practice, no receptionist, so it goes to him but I see what you mean about how it’s complicated

I email doctors that make their address available all the time when I first contact them for an appointment or I have questions. I doubt doctors typically want to engage in conversations with patients outside of appointments but, in my experience, they respond most of the time or have their assistants respond. Sometimes just to let me know that they don't discuss medical stuff over email and I should call or make an appointment. I would not overthink this, email is a very standard communication tool these days.

T and I made a new contract about emails before he left for his break. I originally said I wanted no contact, but he said that sounded too harsh. We agreed to doubling his normal response time whilst he's away.

T gave me her email address and phone number and told me to contact her if I needed to. I expressed concern over using email to much or whatever. She told me if it were ever an issue she would say something. There was never a problem. I didn't like calling her as I get it was to intrusive. So 95% of our outside contact was through email.

With Emdr T we hadn't discussed it. Her email address was listed on psychology today and that was how I made initial contact and we had a bit of an email exchange. Very early on I was struggling a bit after an appointment with her so T encouraged me to reach out. I sent her an email and told her I didn't know if she had any preferences on outside contact and that I would understand if she didnt reapond. 2 days later she called and left a voicemail and an email that said if I thought it would help to talk to her to give her a call. We talked about what was doing in but we also talk about email. She does not utilize email as a form of outise contact for a couple of reasons. One she is bad at checking it on a regular basis. Secondly. She does not trust the confidentiality of it as well as while she knows I would not contact her that way if I were suicidal some clients do. For these reasons she uses text or calling.

I think I got in touch with my T through email initially, but i don’t think we ever had a formal discussion about it. I did tell her i was afraid of emailing too much, and she said i wasn’t, and even if i was emailing every day-all it says to her is that i probably need a higher level of care and we’d discuss it.

I had one T, my former T, who was totally fine with email contact in between sessions. I could email as much or as little as I wanted and she would respond when she wanted, although if I specifically asked for a response, which was rare, she would respond. None of my other T's have ever given me their email for anything other than scheduling. I did email T3 back and forth regarding scheduling and a few other matters, but when I had my first appointment with her it was apparent she had not read the emails. So there was no point in emailing her. I think it is good to get clarification from the T regarding their policy. If the email is on the website, I wouldn't put too much in an initial email but I would say, I saw the email on your website and I felt I needed additional contact, is it okay to contact you this way? Or something to that effect. If it is just on the website, I would imagine it might be a way for potential clients to get an appointment or something. But T might be totally fine with contact between sessions. One does not know until one asks. HUGS Kit.

The therapist has never given me her email address. I doubt she would be ok with me using it to communicate. I get the impression she likes to keep therapy material confined to sessions. The last few times I texted her, she didn't respond, either (and I don't text very often). She always responds to C, though. Just not me.

I probably wont because im nervous especially after what some of you said. Im so shy and worried about being annoying/needy but Im just going through a bad time. His website does say he prefers contact by phone to email

Why don't you call him then?

I think would rather only do that in a real crisis. I just wanted to connect when triggered even just by email because there’s still about 2 weeks left.

i would reach out. just say you werent sure if you could use e-mail to reach out, but you were having a tough time. i doubt your T is going to be upset about that.

I don't know, it seems like it could create an additional issue if OP sends an email and the therapist lets them know they aren't 100% ok with providing support via email. I think this would likely cause OP to feel rejected and uncared for. And since OP is on an extended break, I would be cautious of taking action that might result in a rupture or simple bad feelings since it will be awhile before there is an opportunity to discuss things in session.

I am a big boundary person both for myself and others. ( I didnt learn them until I got sober). I set them for myself and try to respect them for others. Since you didnt ask I would personally wait until next session. If its dire I would first email asking a- if its alright to email, b- if this email is personal or private and c- if its not personal or private is their one that the therapist would consider using?
I would do that rather than dump it all out without checking first.