Couch 188: Who needs those people, anyway?

ChickenNoodleSoup · Jan 26, 2019, 11:09 AM

Art, don‘t beat yourself up over one quiz! It doesn‘t say anything about your intelligence or anything else about you! You can do this if you want to. Also, since I have a degree in physics with a focus on astrophysics, feel free to pm me if you need help or explanations. I‘m always happy to help!

DP, I‘m glad your dog helped you! I hope and believe you can manage to get through this.

atisketatasket · Jan 26, 2019, 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jersey 3

I was so hopeful yesterday and did okay all week despite having a miserable week and now..

Possible trigger:

I’m fighting a strong urge not to binge this AM. I just want to eat everything in site.

Can you distract yourself? Get away from food, go for a walk?

I don’t know how this works on WW, but I often suck sugarfree hard candy to deal with urges. Lifesavers, Werther’s, etc.

Jan 26, 2019, 12:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Can you distract yourself? Get away from food, go for a walk?

I don’t know how this works on WW, but I often suck sugarfree hard candy to deal with urges. Lifesavers, Werther’s, etc.

It’s okay now. I worked through it with a WW coach on the connect app. She told me to put what I want in a dish, take one bite, walk away for 5 minutes go back and take another bite, etc etc etc.. after 4 bites and 20 minutes I no longer wanted the whole thing.

susannahsays · Jan 26, 2019, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DP_2017

I still wont go back to therapy though, so somehow I gotta just keep working on forgetting T and trying to remind myself he doesn't care anymore.

I didn't realize this was an intentional strategy you were using. I'm not saying you should go in the other direction and try to convince yourself he thinks of you all the time or something, but I'm genuinely concerned that this type of self-talk is a sort of emotional self harm that is causing real damage. What are you trying to achieve by telling yourself this? If it's just to forget him, I'm not sure how effective that will be, and it seems like a really harsh method when it is unclear why it would work. When you start thinking about him and wondering if he cares, is there some other thought that you could use to distract yourself that isn't so self flagellating? It doesn't have to be related to him even - it could be something completely unrelated, but positive about yourself. For example, you could tell yourself "My dog thinks I'm pretty damn awesome" or "Dogs are superior to people, and they love me." I know it sounds a bit goofy, but thought-blocking is a thing many people find helpful. It takes some practice. It kind of sounds like that's what you're trying to do, only the thought you're using is a really painful one.

susannahsays · Jan 26, 2019, 01:43 PM

Good for you for problem-solving and finding a solution, Jersey!

Possible trigger:

I'm actually thinking of joining WW online, too, since the whole episode at student health where I found out I gained 30 lbs on that godawful Remeron. C isn't sure it's a good idea since she says I tend to go overboard, but I think I'll find counting points less triggering than counting calories, tbh. And I don't think I can bring myself to meet with the school dietician. I know it's stupid, but I have a ridiculous grudge and distrust due to being made to gain weight by the dietician when I was hospitalized more than a decade ago. That was obviously different, as I was in the throes of an ED, but I can't seem to get over it.

susannahsays · Jan 26, 2019, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

If I can't understand introductory Astronomy at a community college level, there's really not much hope for me eventually completing a Master's program in anything is there.

Now that's not very logical, is it? Nobody excels at every subject. I understand feeling discouraged by getting lower marks than you're used to. It's not a good feeling and really shakes the confidence. However, getting these grades in astronomy doesn't negate all the awesome grades you've received in the past. And you're hardly going to require knowledge of astronomy to complete a master's in psychology (or a related field).

Definitely use the textbook if that's what's recommended. I'm guessing it's recommended because otherwise, people aren't going to do well on the quizzes and like it said, aren't going to be able to learn the material that they will be tested on. That also indicates that the tests will probably be very similar to the quizzes, which is great! So try to look at the positives - you can probably ace the other quizzes with the help of the textbook and it sounds like the quizzes will be a reliable study guide - so as long as you study them, you should be able to do well on the tests. That said, pulling up your grade is well within your grasp. You can do it!

88Butterfly88 · Jan 26, 2019, 03:00 PM

Couch 188: Who needs those people, anyway?

susannahsays · Jan 26, 2019, 03:49 PM

Can I get a volunteer to look at a post I made on another website and the subsequent shitshow? I feel like I'm being gaslighted, but I would like to get someone else's opinion. It's kind of long. There's no rush. Thanks.

healed84 · Jan 26, 2019, 04:32 PM

I officially hate statistics.. required to graduate.. Online course, my mind does not comprehend math, numbers, standard deviations, z scores.. ahhhhhh!

Jan 26, 2019, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by healed84

I officially hate statistics.. required to graduate.. Online course, my mind does not comprehend math, numbers, standard deviations, z scores.. ahhhhhh!

Ugh I feel your pain. I have pretty much blocked most of what i learned in that class last semester off in a mind-closet somewhere because of current class needing all my brain power. I don't think I really learned much anyway because of everything being open book, I didn't really have to. I'm sorry you're having to struggle with it now.

Jan 26, 2019, 04:42 PM

Happy Saturday butterfly! pretty pic!

88Butterfly88 · Jan 26, 2019, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

Happy Saturday butterfly! pretty pic!

Thank you Art!

Waterloo12345 · Jan 26, 2019, 06:44 PM

Evening couch. I am weary in spirit. This struggle of life seems insurmountable sometimes.

Thankfully today is almost over.

Possible trigger:

had a bit of a breakdown, went walk about, went through a whole list of avert SU plans - the bloody crises line hung up on me like wtf - abandoned my dog, looked at the river for a while but ultimately decided I need to endure and get past this. So i called a friend who came and got me. And found the dog.

Also rant alert:

my bloody therapist is doing some sort of I'll only respond to some emails. So she answered my crises call and email but has ignored the rest. Like she's taking lessons on boundary enforcement from my ex doc. Obvs am grateful for the limited contact but am like why now??

Anyway got through the day. 1 friend dragged me to a sports tournament and another to a party. I did hide in the bedroom but got dragged down again. But both were good distractions and time is at least passing.

DP_2017 · Jan 26, 2019, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susannahsays

I didn't realize this was an intentional strategy you were using. I'm not saying you should go in the other direction and try to convince yourself he thinks of you all the time or something, but I'm genuinely concerned that this type of self-talk is a sort of emotional self harm that is causing real damage. What are you trying to achieve by telling yourself this? If it's just to forget him, I'm not sure how effective that will be, and it seems like a really harsh method when it is unclear why it would work. When you start thinking about him and wondering if he cares, is there some other thought that you could use to distract yourself that isn't so self flagellating? It doesn't have to be related to him even - it could be something completely unrelated, but positive about yourself. For example, you could tell yourself "My dog thinks I'm pretty damn awesome" or "Dogs are superior to people, and they love me." I know it sounds a bit goofy, but thought-blocking is a thing many people find helpful. It takes some practice. It kind of sounds like that's what you're trying to do, only the thought you're using is a really painful one.

For me, it's just being logical/realistic. I try to use logic to combat anxiety. There's no possible way he still cares, I know how therapy works. I was just a job and that job has ended. Ya he may think of me in passing but he doesn't care about me anymore. He's moved on and I have to find a way to do the same, living in delusions does me no good.

I know my dog thinks I'm awesome. My T also said I was before too... however he no longer thinks that. I was hopeful initially based on everything he said about the future, that we will see/talk again but now my mind has convinced me it will never happen. So I'm trying to deal with another forever loss (my dog was the other).

It probably is mental self harm, no idea.

susannahsays · Jan 26, 2019, 08:04 PM

Yeah, I guess I didn't understand you were trying to lessen anxiety by telling yourself he doesn't care about you. I wasn't saying you should live in delusions, just that distracting yourself from the subject completely might be better than repeatedly confronting yourself in such a harsh way. That NOT telling yourself repeatedly how he doesn't care about you anymore isn't the same as telling yourself he DOES care. But you know best what works for you, and I hope things improve over time.

DP_2017 · Jan 26, 2019, 08:09 PM

I'm trying to be distracted and I have plenty of good/so so days where I feel ok and like I can be content, I even have days where hope of talking again are pretty high but then it hits me hard and I'm back to reality. Wishing so badly he really cared still. I hate knowing it was all pretend and only for work. Believing I mattered and he cared, really helped me and I got through so much crap... now knowing he doesn't care and I no longer matter, is only kicking me in the face over and over again. Like he's standing there mocking me and calling me a worthless loser and laughing or something

stopdog · Jan 26, 2019, 08:18 PM

Are your very rigid, narrow, and inflexible definitions of caring or mattering helping you somehow?

kecanoe · Jan 26, 2019, 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

morning couch. i'm up early studying i need to get a lot done today of what's due this coming week. This so-called "introductory" astronomy class is difficult. I just took the module 2 quiz (without using my textbook like it recommends to better prepare for the exams) and scored 78.48%. I guess I'm going to start using the textbook on the quizzes!!

I'm feeling a bit defeated today. If I can't understand introductory Astronomy at a community college level, there's really not much hope for me eventually completing a Master's program in anything is there. I'm just not intelligent enough and I guess I would do better to just accept it and move on, and instead take the rest of the Psych classes because those interest me the most and be content with learning for the sake of learning.
Upon typing that - now I hear L's voice in my head reminding me that I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself with the 58-60 hour work weeks. And now I'm thinking maybe once our overtime is done (actually it's slowing down already I have to work only 4 hours OT on Sunday instead of 8) it will get better. I'm kind of exhausted all the time lately. The semester just started what, 10 days ago? There's still time to do better.
Hugs and headnods as wanted all around. I gotta get back to studying.

There could be several reasons that you are not understanding Astronomy including having a below-par instructor. Plus, there are a whole lot of Master's programs that do not require an ability to understand Astronomy. I got good grades all through school until organic chem in college: I liked and did well in regular chem. I just couldn't wrap my mind around it. My Masters and the Doctorate that I am now working on have nothing to do with O Chem.

Plus, 78% is not a fail.
You got this.

velcro003 · Jan 26, 2019, 09:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I'm so depressed. Everyone around me is having babies. Now my step niece is pregnant. I'm now on birth control

for medical reasons. And we're selling our house and I have to get rid of everything I saved/bought/made for my own baby. I'm just defeated.

why do you have to sell all your baby stuff?

Quote:

Originally Posted by susannahsays

Can I get a volunteer to look at a post I made on another website and the subsequent shitshow? I feel like I'm being gaslighted, but I would like to get someone else's opinion. It's kind of long. There's no rush. Thanks.

if its not too late...i will

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

Are your very rigid, narrow, and inflexible definitions of caring or mattering helping you somehow?

good question.

susannahsays · Jan 26, 2019, 09:49 PM

I have decided the boyfriend of the couple upstairs is a selfish lover. No wonder she is always so enraged.

ScarletPimpernel · Jan 26, 2019, 11:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

why do you have to sell all your baby stuff?

Because we won't have room for it. I'm thinking of keeping everything minus the furniture. Furniture I can purchase later, but the rest is sentimental. Especially all the stuff I made myself.

unaluna · Jan 27, 2019, 12:12 AM

Some ahole is burning cigarette butts, its making me sick. Its coming thru the heating vents, makes me wanna puke. That or somebody effed up and set their heating unit on fire or the garbage can on fire. But i think its cigarettes because it happened last night too. Ahole.

StressedMess · Jan 27, 2019, 09:06 AM

Unable that's the worst smell, hopefully it's cleared up now.

DP_2017 · Jan 27, 2019, 09:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

Are your very rigid, narrow, and inflexible definitions of caring or mattering helping you somehow?

Who said they are those things? That's quite an assumption.

Care can be many things to many people... it comes in many ways. I completely 100% believed my T cared when I was seeing him

BUT I don't live in fantasy....I KNOW he no longer does. That is how the T thing works, he basically even explained how they are trained to compartmentalize and turn things off about clients etc. The care is gone, plain and simple. There's no logical reason for him to care anymore.

How is that being rigid, narrow or inflexible about what care means??

stopdog · Jan 27, 2019, 10:08 AM

I am going spice shopping today. I love going into the spice shop.

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