Couch 188: Who needs those people, anyway?

Thanks! And H is working from home for the third day this week--I'm thankful his job is so flexible with that (they kind of have to be because many of the employees are remote anyway). It's also tough for me as an introvert not getting my usual time to myself. With the weather delays/cancellations, it's just hard because we might not know until the last minute, so it's hard to plan for things. While if we knew she was off a certain day, then we could figure out stuff to do with her. And I could plan around it with work, etc.

LT

I get the time alone thing. I'm THRILLED in a sense for the weather today, as I'm not working either job. I just am sitting around with my dog doing nothing and I can't wait.

I hate living with people, so having a roomie is hard for me and I can't wait to move on my own again. I admire people like you who are very much needing that ME time and still have a family/friends etc they live with, I couldn't do it. 1 person here is hard enough.

Maybe you can just drive somewhere, go have coffee alone or sit at the library or something. I do things alone like that often, heck I even love going to movies alone, I need that me time so sometimes I just drive off and do errands a lone to get it.

Thanks DP. We're having our version of the deep freeze here but no comparison! It's a nice sunny day too.

Ugh I want to go to me therapy appointment unwashed in same clothes as yesterday to show how depressed and pathetic I am - but I guess I could just tell her

You see your T two days in a row? Do you like that? I did it once and I hated it and never would again. I think he was glad when I hated it so much lol

Hi all

So, as you know, I had a very "chummy" text relationship with T and I havent deleted ANY of them, it would ruin me right now to do that.... but I did remove his name so I wasn't as tempted to reply anymore but anyway my question is... so the other T's can get a sense of the relationship and how it came off to me (NOT therapy like at all)... would it be odd to make a screenshot or two of a piece of our convo to show them? I worry it would also feel like I'm violating our (his and my) privacy but idk. I'd obviously edit out his number even though it doesn't exist and it wouldn't be any of the really private or flirty stuff... just so they could see how it came off more friend like VS professional. Thoughts?

3 days in a row She only works mon - wed so....needs must.

I use to like it as I got time to bed in then dig deep then recover. And the gap wasn't too big. But today the gap seems huge. Also I write her emails if in distress so that sometimes bridges the gap. I still do like it - I'm just struggling.

Also in better periods the gap gives me time to implement and grow and the short time tween sessions lets me address all those things that come up the second the door is shut fairly quickly.

I see no problem with doing this. I've shared correspondence from ex-MC with my T (and T even knows who he is, while you'd be doing that anonymously). My T has said that he's the only one who has to keep confidentiality in the relationship, that I can share whatever I want. I think it's a good idea to show part of the texts so that a therapist could get a sense of what the relationship is like.

My thoughts go out to all of you in the US who have to struggle with the cold (and in case there's anyone from Australia, same goes for your heat). Apparently there's lots of snow in some parts of my country, but in my place it's fine. A bit cold, but you pretty much expect that from a country in the mountains!

I decided some days ago that I'd make onion soup today. Today I've realized that this means chopping 4 kg (i.e. about 8 pounds) of onions.... fml.

DP, I think showing them some of your texts is a great idea! As long as you feel like sharing it, it's okay. That's part of therapy. If you show them, they might understand more clearly what you're saying and they'll also know whether it's true, since that might be something they are questioning when not knowing you too well.

This is part of why I showed T stuff, too--especially since he knows ex-MC, I was concerned he'd give him the benefit of the doubt and think I was exaggerating things. I wish I had some of the stuff he said to me (in person and on phone) in some sort of form I could show to T. (Incidentally, T has definitely come around to trusting my account of things.)

I've done similar with the emails I sent to my doctor. It was to make sure she's caught up, I processed things with him that might not have got to with her yet, and so she had the real version not filtered through my lens.

So I think it is a good idea to give them a real flavour of what occured.

Thanks guys.

I'll have to go through and be selective about them but maybe I'll print up a few screenshots and carry it when I go to the other Ts and if I go back to the guy from yesterday.

I have other "evidence" but none of that I will share with anyone. Partly because I myself could get in huge trouble for having it but also because its very personal. This isn't about getting him in trouble in any way, I still deeply love him and don't think he was wrong with me... I just need to get help managing the pain from the loss.

Good morning Couchies! Not too talkative today but just wanted to stop in and say hi. Hope everyone is having a good day. HUGS to anyone who wants one. Kit

Hugs/headnods all around as appropriate. Overtime continues this week. Getting burnt out a bit. Trying to decide if I should drop astronomy class (deadline to drop is tomorrow to get $$ back) or soldier through. Oops, break over gotta get back to work.

I do back-to-back days: Mon, Wed, Thurs. I like the consecutive days because it's like you start a conversation one day and it's quite easy to pick up where you left off on the second day. Some weeks, the gap between Mon and Wed seem so long. This week it did and I almost called to see if he had openings yesterday because I was crying at work again, but it could be because he's taking off this Thursday and next Monday and that upcoming week gap is feeling rather large at the moment.

@ArtieSwimsOn: i have questions about dream work, if you are around!

I am here for the next 15 minutes or so on my lunch break....

I have come to an impasse in therapy-where i feel there is nothing left inside me, so the past few weeks i have been writing down the dreams i remember and we’ve been talking about them in session.

My T says it is a window into the unconscious, and she thinks a lot of what is going on w me is unconscious, and that is why I feel so empty inside. I just am having a hard time understanding what discussing my dreams is supposed to DO. How did you and your T make the leap from dreams to real life?

Kinda bummed the T with the dog hasn't replied. I was actually willing to see a woman, mostly cuz of the dog but still.

L said the same thing, about dreams and the unconscious. And she was fond of saying this process is about making the unconscious conscious or something. She taught me early on about working with dreams via Active Imagination (there's a good book by Robert A Johnson on this subject called "Inner Work: Using Dreams and Active Imagination for Personal Growth" that I borrowed from her one time) so I would sometimes close my eyes and do an Active Imagination with some particular dream or other and then afterwards we would talk about it. A lot of the times it was during those Actives and the subsequent discussions that I would make the connections between dreams and waking life. (eta: I know this isn't everybody's cuppa tea, but she would also drum for me sometimes so I could do a dream re-entry shamanic journey and those are like Active Imaginations times 10. We could only do that kinda stuff because I paid out of pocket and insurance wasn't involved.)

She is really skilled in dream work I think (goes to a lot of workshops and stuff about it) and she always seemed to know just the right questions to ask me to get me to go deep enough to find the connection if I hadn't already.

Also, I think it happens over time too - connecting dreams and waking life - as I look back now through my dream journals I can pick out a thread that I can follow through different dreams over like a 6 month period or something. And something else too - like I remember this past summer we were talking about something and she said suddenly OH! This is like that dream about the volcano, remember it? And that particular dream happened literally like 2 years previous. I don't know how she remembers so much.

We always did dream work even in year 1 but I think the longer I saw her, and the better she got to know me and my psyche, the more powerful our dream work got.

I don't know if any of that is helpful. I feel like I was rambling a bit.

my art T has a dog she brings in and it’s great

artie-yeah my T has pretty much said the exact same stuff. That as we go on, we can start finding a theme or things that stand out. She tried to get me to do an active imagination once, and it was really weird for me. She hasn’t asked again bc i was like “ugghhhh.”

They can be intense. Especially when your dream was about a person and in your Active you talk to the person. I didn't always do them in her office. A lot of them I did on my own between sessions, sitting at my computer so I could type them as they progressed. eek! my lunch is over gotta get back to work!!

I absolutely hated the time the woman's dog was there. I would never see a therapist who had their pet at my appointment.
I like pets and I adore my own. I have no desire to deal with someone else's during time I am paying for.

I love animals but no way I would be able to focus with a dog in the room. Maybe a cat would be okay if it was asleep.