Couch 189: The Oxford Couch

Big hugs, Lemoncake.

Mom is driving me further and further away every day. My aunt said she even told my grandma she thinks I am gonna move away and not talk to her for years, interesting.

Well, that's my plan LOL

H and I talked some more this morning. He told me he got up during the night and was online researching how much our house is worth if we sell it and how much $ we would each get after if we decide to split up and go our own ways. He said "I'm not saying this is what I want. I just wanted to know what we're going to be looking at if it happens." And he said how hard this is having all of this in his head. I said I know, what do you think I've been going through. He said how hard it's going to be to start over separately. I said I know that. ****'s a little too real right now.

For the moment we are going to act like nothing's wrong and play tourist and go on a mine tour.

HUGS Artie

Good Morning Couchies!!! T went pretty well last night. I hope I can remember enough of it to write it up in IST. I was really tired by then. I got extra sleep last night, which helped. I went to bed at like 7:30 PM so I was ready to get up by 4:30 AM or so this morning. My boss is having surgery today so this is the first day of me doing her job and my job. I'm a little stressed. I'm sure it will be fine, but I'm a perfectionist so if I can't do something perfect sometimes I have trouble doing it, when doing it "good enough" would suffice. I hope everyone is having a good day today. HUGS if you want them. Kit

I scheduled an appointment with my PCP to get the stitches out. But they couldn't see me on the 22nd, so I'm going on the 25th, which makes it 15 days for the stitches. I hope that's not a problem. Kit

Someone told me over the phone yesterday that as I sounded young I must not have been through any hardships. In my head i laughed heartily at this.

My T last night called me by my last name instead of my first name. My last name is sometimes a first name, but obviously it's not my first name. It was kind of annoying, but I just brushed it off. But I was like, really? How long have I been seeing you? I didn't call her out on it though. Kit

Hee, I just realized I’m lecturing on Aeneas on Valentine’s Day.

Such a great track record with women. Lost one wife (not a euphemism, he lost her), abandoned another to die, fought a war over a third.

The mine tour was interesting but h is sad and mopey and I'm feeling wretched for doing this to him.

The therapist has referred to me as Savannah before. In fact, the previous therapist did that as well...

I was once told that because of the town I grew up in, I must have lived a charmed life and wanted for nothing.

What the hell am I supposed to do now?! I think that I have broken both of our hearts.

Hes had the wind knocked out of him. I doubt he will be down for long. Dont forget this is the guy who felt he needed to test you or toy with you, wth he was doing.

Maybe he is just considering how to do his own thing, now that he CAN, without the ol' ball and chain(!) weighing him down - watch what you wish for, you might get it!

HOPEFULLY, he is realizing what a saintly treasure you have been to him, saving his hairy male butt when he was sick!!!

Probably tho this is like one of those cartoons where they show the master yelling at the dog, and all the dog hears is his own name and the word dinner!

It's okay to slow things down if you need to.

He told me last night while we were talking about it all that he would be crazy to kick me out because I do so much for him. I said well I love you and that is what makes all of this so very hard. This morning he started blaming therapy, he said something like he was afraid of this happening and that was why he's been trying to get me to quit for the past couple years, he said it wasn't about the money. I didn't say anything to that because what could I say really. He's hurting and needs something to blame. He also said this morning that he prayed about it during the night and God told him not to fight about it, but to just be cool and know that he would be ok either way. So this is all on me to decide what I want.

depending on the area, you can usually leave them for around 10-14 days. A few days extra hopefully won't make much of a difference.

It's on my forearm...

and una - "watch what you wish for, you might get it!" yes, this, so much this.

Well, it seemed to us like he needed a reality check. BUT thats b/c you tell us stuff you werent telling him? But now its all out on the table. AND THAT IS AWESOME.

He appreciated what you did for him while he was sick more than anybody realized, including himself!

I think you did the right thing, Artie. You deserve to live true to who you are, and he deserves to know that he is married to someone who can't love him as a romantic or sexual partner. He thinks right now that he's ok with that, but he deserves to know the truth so that he can have a choice just like you can. Yes, he's probably crushed. He's probably feeling very rejected. At some point, he will most likely become angry and start demanding answers, so be ready for that. You can't fix this or take away his pain. Nothing is ever going to be the same; that's a given. Just try to take it one step at a time. I think it is not too uncommon for women to come out in your situation - perhaps you could find women who have been through this to get some support from.

Would it be possible to take a few days to yourself?

, Artie. This must be really scary right now. You're on the precipice of potentially a big change in your life. You don't have to make any big decisions right now.

My uni have done a u turn and are refusing to give me a different supervisor. My T said they've lost the plot.