Couch 192: The Rainbow Cupcake Couch

Its the Smash Poetry Journal by Robert Lee Brewer. Has 125 prompts and space to poem in.

Why thank you ahaha.

It was all sd's prompt

Can't wait to see what you create!

Two things: 1. your poem was just MASTERFUL in how it sweeps the reader along! Thrilling and thoughtful.

2. In responding to your other post about contacting your t, i dont think i communicated what an AMAZING insight it gave me about what it would mean for me to contact mine. So wowie zowie bing bang pow. 🤯

re: 2. I haven't had any major insights yet about why I want to contact L. Except for the good little girl thing. I just want her to know that I think overall she done good and that over the past 6+ weeks I've seen myself putting into action in the real world things I learned in therapy. Mostly in relationship with my h and my mom.

T made a parenting analogy about his role as a therapist today. And used a couple related analogies in terms of his work with me. Like bird teaching its young to fly. But not pushing them from nest until he knows they can do it, then he’d be there cheering them on. Also about never pushing me into deep end of the pool before I’m ready. It was sort of confusing as he doesn’t tend to do that. And it made me think of ex-MC, who did often make those comparisons. Also learned that T is a former smoker (“a long time ago”), which really surprised me with while athlete thing (he knows I’m also a former smoker).

Thank you Artie.

I haven't heard back yet.

I'm still not decided if I want to see R on thursday.

So naturally I got the GI in the practice with all the bad reviews online.

Ordered. Will give me something else to focus on besides therapy Well, unless my poems are about therapy, I guess...

Eh, don't trust bad reviews. I saw a GP a few times who had pretty bad reviews, and she was great. I mean, assuming the bad reviews aren't like "He killed my brother."

You know Art, one of the things about therapy relationships is that they are not the same as others. L more than likely won't reach out to you to find out how you are doing because that's the frame of therapy. It would only be natural to want to contact her for several different reasons. None of them are wrong or bad. Myself in your shoes, would want to update her on my general being, about the changes that have gone on since seeing her, how good it feels to be open with your h about this and how much more you feel like your true self, to thank her for bringing you this far (both in letting her know gratitude and for some reason reassuring her that even though things ended with tensions, she was helpful and you still care about her), to ease any wonders/concerns she might be having herself but be limited/bound by a frame (so yeah, a little of taking care of her).

She was an important person in your life.

I guess what has me most curious isn't your desire to contact her, but your desire to say goodbye, like the relationship must have that cord cut with a final no take backs ending verse a I'll see you the next time I see you type of mentality (with perhaps a "I'll be glad/happy/joyful to see you again", when that happens).

It's everything you wrote, Elio! You so 'get' me. Thank you. And that last part I don't know why, I just feel that way, maybe I should think on that some more.

That’s what I told myself, but he lived up to them. Amazing how in the mere five minutes we spent together, he made me feel like a piece of malfunctioning meat.

No way do I want him doing an endoscopy on me, especially given my surgical history. He basically said he was sure I had celiac anyway.

I did schedule the endoscopy (it would be a month away anyway) but I’m going to cancel it. Right now I am going to my favorite restaurant for dinner for a last meal with gluten. Then I am going gluten-free.

If I wrote poetry, I'd have to do the "open" one on opening my mouth since I have such a hard time with that in therapy.

Ugh, sorry...Enjoy your last gluten meal. If he's pretty sure you're celiac, makes sense to just work on getting relief now instead of subjecting yourself to more gluten for a month. If you try gluten free long term and it doesn't help, that might be different.

Yeah I'm trying to avoid that particular subject matter.... but maybe it would help if I just poemed it all out?

I always expect to feel dehumanized at least somewhat when I visit a doctor. Some are definitely better than others. I'm sorry you got a bad one, ATAT.

Hooray! You go girl!

If you're a GP for any length of time, killing people's brothers is unavoidable.

I tend to believe online reviews have some merit. Sorry he was such an ***. Could you ask for a different md?

I could—but I’m tired of this whole soap opera. Time to move on.

And anyway I don’t want the endoscopy whoever does it. I don’t see it as necessary. The bloodwork by itself plus family history is almost completely definitive. I might only have a diagnosis of gluten sensitive without the endoscopy, but I am okay with that.

We've spent the whole of March negotiating the purchase of a property. Either they sign today or the deal is off. I won't be upset if we lose it, but I'm tense all the same.

You could just own it, keep putting those things into action, and offer her a silent homage whenever you think of her. Let those warm acknowledging thoughts flow back to her in the universe juice or whatever.

i didnt mean to quit therapy it was a spur of the moment thing. a part of me said **** it and the words came out and now indont feel i can take them back. this so terribly physically painful.

the problems of being a high flying property tycoon eh?