Couch 192: The Rainbow Cupcake Couch

H's hypochondria is acting up again

I wasn't at peace with it, until last night. Or maybe last night was only the beginning of getting there and I just got there today. I am at any rate so I will stop talking about it now.

It seems in a way like when you're struggling with something (your T not being able to have last session), his hypochondria acts up. Does that seem like a pattern to you at all?

Met with T and H today. Feeling like I missed out on my special time but I did get my hug.. had to ask for the first time in several sessions. I think T was surprised how civil H and I were, T even caught me with my head on H shoulder in the waiting room. T got to see the less passive side of me and we even had a few jokes about my first two sessions H felt tricked because T worked with both of us after saying he wouldn’t do couples work. But H really likes T and thinks T is really good for me. H also got to see some of Ts quirks that hubby knows would drive me crazy in any other setting... so no more worries from H that I am going to cheat on him with T. Honestly I don’t think it ended up being anything like any of the three of us expected. But it filled my needs. H felt better too. And... I only have to wait until Monday to see T again and get my time.

I appreciate y'all putting up with and helping me with my workings-out, btw.

A student sent me a frustrated email a couple days ago. At least I took it as frustrated and wasn’t offended. I was waiting till I had some extra time to write a considered response.

He apparently thought it was rude and offensive, because he just emailed me to apologize, even sounding sincere.

Reminds me of a summer in college when I was working as a cashier and some guy was rude to me, then ten minutes later he come back and stood in a long line so he could apologize to me. I wasn’t offended then either.

I saw my pdoc today. She wants me to check myself into this partial hospitalization program.

this morning i sat in ts carpark because the tenant in the unit above wasnt there and the other t is hardly ever there on Fridays, and cried. i have just finishef writing a letter with all my questions and asking if he can notify me if he takes clients again in the future. i feel so discombobulated. sometimes i think i will tell him tjis next session then i realise there is no next session.

@BlessedCheeseMaker , I am so very sorry. I don’t understand how it couldn’t be understood as just one of those emotional moments in therapy... *sigh*. It just sucks and my heart breaks for you.

Could be. I thought he would actually step up and be more supportive like when ex-T left.

He went to the hospital last night, and he just left again. They sent him home last night saying his EKG and labs all came back normal and it's anxiety. You'd think he'd understand by now, but nope. He still thinks there's something wrong with his heart. It's $3k an emergency visit. And tomorrow he scheduled an appointment with a cardiologist which will cost us $350. And he scheduled another appointment for Tuesday with yet a different cardiologist which again he'll have to pay cash. We only have $13k left in the bank...

Artie, im sorry, i feel like an amoeba that has sprouted off a mini-me! #pinocchiosnose

Why you say that? You didn't do anything. I'm confused.

I emailed my T with something kinda needy a few hours ago with the hopes that he'd see it before he left for the day, but I know at this point he won't respond tonight. Because of his boundaries. I wish there was a "self-destruct" option for emails, where if someone doesn't read them by a certain time, they just vanish. Because now he'll reply in the morning, but it was to an acute situation tonight, and then it will likely count toward my email total that could lead to him charging me (hopefully not for this one). Do I just send a "Never mind, I'm good" email?

ETA: My original email to him was really short, like a few sentences.

Pay me a sawbuck and I’ll tell you what una meant.

What's a sawbuck? How about a poem instead? Any prompt.

You’re using me to get a topic for your daily poem, aren’t you?

Caught red-handed.

Idk but if you are very worried about him charging for too much, you have to find a way to set your own boundaries with it. Maybe you can type it up next time and then sleep on it, see if it's still relevant come morning, then you can send or delete.

i knid of feelhe has used my poor memory and dissociation to wrangle this. he said when he called that we have been talking about it for the last 5 sessions, but i am sure i never brought it up as i was always confident he was not really **** as the others also i suck on the phone and he knows this

Yeah, I've done that a few times recently. And he also has suggested something similar. This was just feeling really bad. But I still should have waited.

Baby T is really impressing me lately. For being young and new to practicing, he's quite knowledgable and he's been so good about not making any judgements about my T. So I have that element of feeling "safe" to talk about it there. I asked him today about when he's moving locations, he said he isn't 100% sure because the company hasn't outright said which people are going, but he's one of the people being talked to about it, and if so, all he said is "summer" -- hopefully I will be ok with not having therapy anymore by then or I can find a good backup. I can't follow him, his new location is on my old walking route I took with T. Way too triggering.

Do you have anyone else, like a friend or your hubby etc that you can talk to about things when they are really bad? That could be an option too.

Been talking a bit to a friend. Can't really talk to H because ex-MC is a somewhat touchy subject there at times...(understandably so).

4.03am and i'm up because of pain. I don't want to see R and I think i'll be able to cope two weeks without him. Christmas was the same time frame but I didn't have classes .